Page 56 of Alastair

“Why do I feel it now, then?”

“You thinking I died was enough to chip away at that warding,” I explained. “The seal is still in place, but it’s a lot weaker now.”

His expression was a mixture of shock and disbelief. “How long have you known we were fated mates?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the words died on my lips.

“Answer me!” Alastair slammed his fist down on the railing. Rage distorted his features. “Goddammit. How long have you been keeping this from me?”

Was he angry because I hid it… or because he was repulsed by the thought of being with me? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

“Since the night you and your brothers caged Lucifer.”

“That…” He slumped, pupils blown wide and his breaths ragged. “That was over two thousand years ago.” Tremors passed through his body before a strangled sound tore from his throat. “Why?” Angry tears shone in his eyes as he looked up at me. “Why did you hide it?”

“I had no choice. The council of archangels ordered me to. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t agree with that decision.”

“So all this time… all these years… you knew we belonged together.”

“Yes.”

“I had a right to know!” Alastair very rarely shouted, even when angered. But this went beyond anger. The truth was devastating.

“What good would that knowledge have done you? I was forbidden from acting on our bond. The seal prevented you from feeling anything for me. There was no reason to burden you with it.”

“I should’ve been given that choice for myself,” he snapped. “I control my life. Not you. By keeping it from me, you—”

“I did you a favor. Your ignorance on the matter was a blessing.”

“A blessing?” He expelled a dry laugh. “Because being lied to for all these years is such a great feeling. Thanks so much for thatblessing, Lazarus.”

“Better than the alternative,” I barked. “Knowing fate chose us to be together but being forbidden from ever crossing that line. While you felt nothing, I still sensed traces of our bond. You cannot even begin to imagine the toll that took on me. So yes. Be thankful you’ve been unaware this entire time.”

A pained expression replaced some of his anger. “So when I was with Joseph? You were hurting?”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. The quiver at the base of my throat told me I’d shatter even more if I spoke of the heartache I’d endured seeing him love someone else.

Alastair’s wings unfurled from his back. Black feathers with traces of purple. Beautiful and painful at the same time, much like my bond with him.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere but here,” he answered before lifting into the air. “Don’t reach out to me. Your voice in my head is the last thing I need right now.”

As he flew away, I didn’t try to stop him. The truth didn’t always set someone free. Sometimes, it twisted through you like barbed wire, drawing blood as it scraped your insides.

I hung my head and gripped the railing so tight the wood cracked.

Chapter Nine

Alastair

“Al?”Castor asked.

“What’s wrong?”Bellamy added.

“Talk to us.”Kallias.

I might’ve been able to block some of my thoughts from my brothers, but our blood connection allowed us to feel when one of us was upset—intense anger or sadness. Though “devastated” was a more fitting word to explain the bloody tatters of my heartstrings.