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I take a few deep breaths and leave the parking lot. Jake’s red truck follows close behind.

****

Luckily, Hop Scotch is not too busy even though it’s Friday. I guess it’s too cold outside and the forecast said there might be snow.

I arrive first and wait for Jake at the door. There is a surreal moment when we stand side by side, like we did many times in the past, and it almost feels natural to be close. When our eyes meet, there’s a tug of deep hurt in my gut. For the first time, I feel like I might well up.

I might, but I won’t let myself.

“Let’s go inside,” I say, turning away from him and reaching for the door.

“Wait, Lizzie,” he says and grabs me by the forearm, then quickly turns me around and wraps me in a tight embrace.

I stand frozen, taken by surprise. He’s holding me really close, but I’m not returning the affection. Part of me wants to comfort him, but a bigger part of me recoils at the intrusion and wants out. So I remain stiff as a board, arms straight at my sides. He doesn’t seem to want to let me go.

Eventually, I raise one hand and pat him on the back. “Okay. I think we should go inside now.”

He pulls away, still holding me by the shoulders. “Why are you so standoffish?”

I shake my head and say nothing, just turn away again and open the door.

****

The hostess seats us in a booth, as per my request. It takes us a couple of minutes to get settled and order drinks. I ask for a soda, Jake for a beer. I recommend Capital Amber on tap.

“You’ll like it. It resembles Coors,” I say.

He looks at me for a long moment. “You seem different,” he says.

I shrug. “Well, it’s been eight months since you last saw me. A lot has happened.”

He reaches out to grab my hands, but I pull them away. He ends up placing his palms flat on the table before him. “Lizzie, I’m so sorry,” he says. “For everything.”

I shrug. “Okay. I believe that. I’m just not sure what you want from me, honestly.”

“I want you to forgive me and I want you to go back home with me.”

My eyes bug out, and I burst out laughing. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.” He reaches out to grab one of my hands again with both of his. “I’m serious.”

I let him hold the hand for a few moments before I pull it away again. “I don’t understand you, Jake. I didn’t understand why you broke up with me and I don’t understand why you want to get back together now.”

“I was confused,” he says. “We’ve been together so long, I thought I was missing out on stuff...”

“Like Bethany,” I say.

His eyes widen, but then he nods. “Yes. Like Bethany.”

“So how was she?” I ask. Looking at him, I wait for a pulse of jealousy. Or maybe anger. I do feel something, but it’s vague and very faint.

“What do you mean?”

“Was being with her worth breaking off our engagement?” I ask. “She’s pretty cute. Thin, too. Just the way you like ‘em.”

He frowns. “You’re what I like.”

“No, it’s not. It’s never been. But that’s okay. I’m over it now.”