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He drops his spoon. “It’s not easy for me to talk about this shit, Lizzie, okay? I’ve never talked about it with anyone... Just give me a minute, would you?”

I make a zipping-my-mouth-shut gesture and pour myself a small amount of soup.

We eat in silence, Bobby tearing off huge chunks of the sandwich with his teeth. He eats with abandon, without a care for how he looks or how much he ingests. He’s famished, so he devours. I envy men for how free they are with their food. I want to eat like that. Like nothing matters except my hunger.

“I don’t like women,” he says. “Not to have sex with, I mean. I’ve fooled around with a few girls in high school, but it never felt right.”

I nod and keep eating, looking up at him over my soup.

“I like men,” he says. “But I didn’t go to college, like you. I don’t know anyone who’s gay. All these guys that Mickey and I hang out with, they are all about chasing women and getting wasted.”

I reach out and squeeze his hand. “I know.”

“I don’t know what to do, Lizzie. Mickey and some of my friends are starting to catch on that something’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” I say. “You’re just gay. Plenty of people are gay.”

“But I’m almost thirty and I have very little experience,” he says. “Everyone figured it out ages ago.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” I say. “I am sure there are plenty of people in the same situation as you. Figuring this out as adults.”

He looks at me so pleadingly, so desperately, I have to drop my food and walk around the table and wrap him in a tight hug. He slowly rubs my back.

“Thanks for being so cool about this,” he says.

“Of course,” I say. “I just wish you’d have told me sooner. Maybe I could’ve helped you meet someone.”

“I don’t think I was ready. I kept feeling it would go away, honestly. But it just wouldn’t.”

“I know,” I rub his upper arm, trying to soothe him. “I don’t know how I never picked up on it, honestly. It’s so obvious in hindsight. I’m sorry I was too clueless to be there for you in a way you needed. Like, it wasn’t even on my radar.”

“It’s how we grew up. There wasn’t space ... to be different.”

“Definitely not. I’m so sorry, Bobby.”

“Well, I’m still young. And you live here now, so maybe I can cruise for some Wisconsin dick when I come to visit.”

“Cruise for dick? Is that a real expression?”

“Maybe. Among the uncool, probably.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I am sure there are gay people in St. Cloud, too. Have you thought about going on the apps?”

“Oh, God, the apps. I did use them a couple of times when I was out of town, but not in St. Cloud. I’m afraid it’s too small. Someone will tell.”

“I can help you make some profiles. I bet Roxie knows all about making good profiles on dating apps.”

“Who’s Roxie? The new friend?”

“Yeah. She’s pretty cool.”

“Is she the one who made you think I might be gay?”

“No.” I pause. “It was ... someone else.”

He raises his eyebrow. “Someone you know well enough to discuss your brother’s sex life with, but whose name and purpose in your life you don’t want to reveal to said brother?”

“Yeah. Exactly like that.” I look very put-upon. “Now finish your dinner, it’s getting cold. It’s also getting late, and we should both get some sleep.”