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I sit back and think. I loved Kim, I really thought I had, but we were never lost at sea like Liz and I are, when we completely let go together. There was always a soberness to Kim, a withholding, and I could sense it because I withheld myself, too. I used to think that’s just how things were, with everyone.

“I think you’re right,” I say. “I think I realize what you’ve been trying to tell me since I started seeing you—that Kim wasn’t my person, but I can only see it now,” I say, “because I know how the real thing actually feels.”

Simone nods, her mouth stretching into a wide smile. “Yes.”

“Wow. This therapy business really works.”

Simone laughs, then quickly regains composure. “So, do you understand now that what you had with Kim wasn’t a lie? I never thought Kim deliberately meant to hurt you. She just felt, on some level, that you weren’t right for each other. She loved you as much as she could, I think.”

“But what about children? She insisted she never wanted them.”

“I think her not wanting to have children was genuine, or genuine enough. She was willing to do it for you, because she loved you. It was her relief over the miscarriage that torpedoed your marriage, not that she absolutely refused to have one with you.”

“Maybe she’s also doing it for this guy?”

“Maybe, but I hope not. It’s not really fair to the child to be brought into the world by a mother who doesn’t want them. Knowing how things ended with you, do you think Kim would do it again?”

“No,” I say. “Not Kim. Not a second time.”

“So maybe she really wants a child with this new man. Maybe she feels he’s the right match for her. Women sometimes change their mind about motherhood. Not always, of course, but sometimes they do. Maybe that’s what happened with Kim. She found someone she loves so much she wants to have more of them.”

“Wow, Simone, that’s so cheesy,” I say with a small chuckle. “But I get what you’re saying. Strangely, it does make me feel better.”

“Anyway, what I’m also trying to say is that the way that things transpired wasn’t a tragedy. You couldn’t see it while you were in the middle of it, but it brought you to someone much better suited for you. Someone with whom you can have everything.

“And hopefully you can be happy for Kim someday. I’m sure the divorce was hard on her, too. I know she’s been the villain in many of our sessions, but she’s just a woman, Joe. It seemed to me that she did her best to make you happy. You two just ... weren’t meant to be.”

This hits me pretty hard. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Obsessing over how wronged I was. I rarely wondered how Kim was doing. If she’d ever had a rough time after we’d split.

“I need to be a better partner to Liz,” I say. “Better than I was to Kim.”

Simone nods. “Empathy goes a long way.”

****

After the session I feel much better. Calmer. Clearer.

I text Lance.

Joe: Sorry about how I left yesterday. You took me by surprise

Give Kim and her new family my best

I should’ve pulled my head out of my ass and genuinely asked if she was okay all this time

I should’ve listened to you yesterday

I’m sorry man

I will do better

It takes an hour for me to receive a response.

Lance: Finally

Not sure how that huge head of yours stuck up your ass hasn’t given you hemorrhoids

Kim’s always been pretty protective of you