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Man, I really got fond of it really fast

Roxie: Okay when you want to talk you know where to find me

In the meantime, I will get you some sex toys

Liz: I don’t want you to buy me sex toys

Roxie: I bet you don’t have any, do you?

Liz: No

Roxie: That’s what I thought

Look, having a couple of nice vibrators is a necessity

Consider it Single Girl Life 101

Giving yourself regular orgasms will prevent you from pursuing problematic dick

Or even unproblematic dick that wants too much too soon after you broke up with fiancé

Liz: That sounds like something I should pick out for myself

Roxie: And you will

I will get you started and then you will fly off on your own, like a little masturbating birdie

I wonder if there’s a bird-shaped vibrator

But I should definitely get you the Rabbit

You will LOVE the Rabbit

Liz:

Okay

Thank you?

Roxie: Oh you will

****

Bobby spends most of the weekend with Trey, and I have way too much time on my hands. I think about texting Joe many times, but I manage to stop myself.

I remember this is what I wanted, even though it feels like I’ve wronged him. The need to apologize gnaws at me. This is something I’ve always done—managed the feelings of those around me, regardless of what I wanted or needed. I feel a compulsion to do it again, even though I’m among people to whom I owe nothing, people on whom I don’t depend.

So instead of texting Joe to apologize—I’m not even sure what I would apologize for other than wanting space that I’d always claimed I wanted, or perhaps for my desires being misaligned with his own, which has hurt him—I clean and go shopping. By the end of the day, my apartment is sparkling, I’ve got dinner in the oven, and enough produce in the fridge to cook through the rest of the week.

When Bobby packs up and leaves on Sunday, I can’t stop crying. He says he’ll be back again soon. I would like to think it’s because of me, but I know it’s because of Trey.

That’s okay. I will take any excuse to see my brother.

But as I watch Bobby’s truck vanish in the distance, I suddenly feel much lonelier than I had before his visit, and it takes everything in me not to text Joe, ask if I can come over.

Eventually, the urge passes. I feel proud of myself for resisting it, but I’m also sad because, deep down, I wanted to let myself cave.