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“Sarah doesn’t want me to.” He pats himself on the belly.

I look at Lance a little closer. Immaculately dressed, he does seem to be thinner and more tan than I remember, and his hair is freshly trimmed.

“You look good,” I say.

“Yeah, thanks. Sarah wants me in tip-top shape.”

“That sounds exhausting,” I say and take a sip of my beer.

“Well, you just have to commit to a regimen.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Dude, I remember you waking up from a bender, squirting liquid cheese directly into your mouth, and calling it breakfast. That’s what I think of when you say you have a regimen.”

He frowns. “That was a long time ago.”

“Not that long ago,” I insist. “What’s going on?”

He looks to the side, then straight ahead, but doesn’t meet my eyes. “Sarah and I... Well, we’ve been better. We’re going to couples counseling. One of the things she said was that I wasn’t taking care of myself.”

I take a moment to process. “I’m sorry to hear that you two have problems,” I say. I really do feel bad for him.

“Yeah, well. It’s not something I want to advertise, you know?”

“I do. Better than most,” I say and I take a swig of my beer.

He’s eyeing my glass pretty lasciviously.

“Dude, if you want a beer, just get a beer. Sarah isn’t here.”

“I know. It’s like she lives in my head now. A tiny Sarah bobble head, shaking her finger at me and telling me it’s all going to go to my gut.” He takes a deep breath. “Fuck it. Pour me a glass.”

I pick up the pitcher and fill up his glass, which has stood empty and waiting. He grabs it and downs half of it in long, desperate gulps.

“I’m so sorry, man,” I say. “That really sucks.”

“You know, you and Kim not having kids might’ve been a blessing,” he says. “You were able to split and go your separate ways. I have to stay and go to counseling and never have a beer anymore.”

I swallow hard. For a few moments, neither of us speaks. “Lance, dude, I don’t know enough about what’s going on, but I am not sure resenting your spouse is a good thing, kids or no kids.”

He shrugs. “Gotta try to make it work.” He rolls his glass between his fingers. The amber liquid sloshes within. “But enough about me. What’s new with you? You look ten years younger than the last time I saw you..”

“Yeah. Life’s been good.” I grin.

He rolls his eyes. “Are you gonna go all cryptic on me? What’s going on?”

“There’s a woman,” I say. “That time when you stood me up, last August?” Lance’s eyes widen. “Yeah, I ended up meeting a woman at the bar.”

“Wow, that was almost a year ago,” he says.

“We haven’t been together the whole time,” I say, “but it’s good, man. Really good. Like, maybe it’s the forever kind of good, you know?”

“Yeah, I know how that feels,” he says and throws back another large gulp. “I definitely thought that of Sarah before we got married, and had kids, and now she says she doesn’t want to touch me because I have a gut.”

I sit back. “Dude.”

“I know, I know. You and your lady will beat the odds and stay blissfully happy forever. Not like you know better how things can go to shit.”

I think I’ve just about lost my patience with whatever this is. “I don’t have time for this, Lance, so let’s cut to the chase. What’s this about? You’re the one who texted me five times about meeting here. Is this what you wanted to talk about? You and Sarah? Because you’re being a real dick about it and making it hard to hear you. Or sympathize.”