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He exhales loudly, his shoulders slumping. Suddenly he seems weary. “I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I reach out and briefly squeeze his forearm. “I just don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I know. I know. Look—” He pins me in place with his stare. His eyes are intense but deeply sad. “Kim is pregnant.”

****

Kim is pregnant.

He should have just punched me in the chest. It would have hurt less.

It would have hurt less than feeling my lungs are in an iron cage, like there’s no air around me, like there would never be air around me ever again.

Kim, who said she never wanted children, who was so relieved when she miscarried years ago. Kim, whose relief spelled the end of our marriage.

That Kim. My Kim.

She didn’t not want children. She just didn’t want them with me.

Oh God.

Oh God, I think I’m gonna be sick.

“Joe, you okay?” Lance reaches out to grab me by the forearm. “You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

“Kim is having a baby.”

“Yes.”

“With the new guy.”

“Well, he’s not that new, but yeah. You know they got engaged last year. They were going to marry this summer, but Kim doesn’t want to look fat.”

“How far along is she?”

“Almost six months.”

Now I have to know everything. I’m so angry and so hurt and it’s like I’ve had this huge, gruesome, festering wound that has finally crusted over, and now Lance came and ripped off the scab and all the blood and puss are spilling out again, and I don’t know how to stop them.

“So is it a boy or a girl?”

“Joe—”

“Might as well tell me. What are they gonna name it?”

“It’s a girl. Not sure about the first name. Middle name will be after Kim’s and my mom.”

“I bet your mom is very proud.”

Lance keeps looking at me with pity in his eyes. “You okay?”

“No, I’m not,” I somehow squeeze the words through my teeth. “I’m not fucking okay, and you knew I wouldn’t be. It’s like she’s giving me the middle finger all over again.” I braid my fingers on top of my head and get up. “God, this isn’t happening. I thought everything is going well, and then this ... this shit again.”

“Joe,” Lance says. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you?”

“Why did you, Lance? Why did you tell me?”

“It’s better that you hear from me than someone else.”