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Now I am getting irritated. “I know that. I know you’ve never once invited me over. What I don’t know is why.”

“Because it’s my place.” The tips of her fingers tap on her breast bone. “Mine. Something that’s mine alone.”

“I know it’s yours. I’m not gonna steal it from you. But you’ve been to mine a bunch of times. I don’t understand why I can’t come to yours.”

“Because we’re just fucking!” Her arms go wide, eyes flashing with frustration. “I’m not going to let you into the place that belongs to me, the first space that’s truly mine, because we’re just fucking, Joe! We’re not together, we’re not dating, and you can’t seem to get it through your head!”

I wince and take a step back. I feel like she slapped me.

She realizes the effect of her words and guilt softens her features. “Joe, I’m sorry...” She reaches to touch my face. “I didn’t mean it like that...”

I put up my hand. “No, you’re right. I can’t seem to get things through my thick skull. But maybe I finally will.”

She tries to grab my arm, but I move it away.

“No, Liz. Ever since the first night we met, you’ve been pushing me away. I know how it feels when we are together and I know you feel it, too. I also know the timing sucks. But you won’t even try to give this a shot and get to know me for real. I understand your breakup is fresh and I’ve tried to be patient, I’ve tried to give you space, but I honestly don’t have it in me. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I am not strong enough to give you what you need, to remain impassive while you push me away, again and again, as you work through your shit. I want everything, and I don’t want to rein myself in and pretend I’m okay with crumbs. I’ve been breadcrumbed enough for a lifetime and I’m not going to do that to myself anymore.”

“Joe—”

“I should thank you for waking me up. Making me realize I’m not dead inside.”

We stand in front of each other, our eyes locked. It feels like the world stands still while my insides shatter.

I know what I have to do.

I fucking hate it. I hate everything about it.

“What... What are you going to do?” Her voice is small and trembling.

“I am going to leave now,” I say. “Take care, Liz.”

I turn around and walk away, get in my car, and I don’t look back.

****

I sit in my car.

There’s a tightening in my chest, and soon a familiar numbness overtakes me. It’s the numbness I’ve been carrying around like a soft, well-worn sweater ever since I left Kim. It’s good to know it’s never far away, that I can always slip it on and stop feeling. ?

Chapter Thirteen

Liz

I go back inside like I’m in a trance. I don’t understand what just happened. Joe just ... left.

I sit down next to Bobby.

“What’s up?” Bobby asks. “Where’s the big guy?”

“He left.”

“Oh? Why? What happened?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Do you want us to go home? I can take a rain check with Trey...” With his thumb, he points to Trey, who looks a little worried.

“No, no.” I put up my palms and shake my head. “You two should have fun. But I’d like you to drop me off at home first. Then you can pick up your truck from there and I’ll give you the spare key to my place.”