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Our one-night camping trip in Sequoia National Park was just as unforgettable as we huddled together under the stars, sharing stories, laughing, and roasting marshmallows. It was a rare moment of emotional intimacy in a relationship that’s mostly physical.
Back in the present, Jinx snaps me out of my reverie. “You really don’t have to worry about Alec.” She leans forward and snags the piece of pizza Rosalie was eyeing earlier.
Jinx is a stunning woman with the same coloring as Rosalie: dark hair, almond eyes, caramel skin. “He’s a Guardian. Trained to take care of himself and those he cares about. He’s nimble on his feet, powerful with his punches, deadly with his kicks, and he can take a beating. That man is stronger than you think, and knowing you’re here waiting for him when he gets back is exactly the kind of thing he needs.”
There’s a flutter in my chest when Jinx talks about Alec. She knows what she’s talking about. She’s an expert in some Brazilian fighting style and is teaching all the Guardians. From what little I’ve heard, she almost always wipes them on the mat.
“How’s that?” I pause my pacing and scratch at my head. When I bring my wineglass to my lips, it’s empty. I wander over to Lily, who obliges me by filling my cup.
“Men will walk through hell to get to their woman,” Jinx says. “And you’ve never seen a Guardian fight when his woman is at risk.”
“I don’t know if we can say I’m Alec’s woman.” I point toward Kaye. “Like she said, our relationship is mostly physical, and I’m obviously not in any kind of danger.” I take a swig of wine, feeling guilty for slugging back the expensive bottle. “It’s not like he needs to rush home to save me.”
“Maybe not now, but I’ve seen the two of you together. There’s more than casual sex between the two of you.” Lily peeks at me over the rim of her wine glass. “Or at least, that’s my read on it.”
“Truthfully, I don’t know where we’re headed. We’re not dating. Just hanging out. I don’t even know if we’re exclusive. And Kaye’s right about being heavy on the sex. Our relationship is profoundly physical and emotionally shallow.” I pause, trying to find my words, but then I just go with it. “Well, light on anything of substance. Which normally is a good thing with me. I’ve kind of sworn off relationships.”
Lily and Jinx don’t know me, although I feel a kinship with these women. Not because I’m a badass like them. Lily is a former DEA field agent. Jinx is an expert cryptologist, and former DEA agent. Guardian HRS recruited them some time ago. I’m just me; a woman with lofty dreams of changing the world through the power of law.
“Why?” Jinx takes a bite of her pizza.
“Because men are assholes.” Kaye pipes in, speaking for me to spare me the pain of doing so myself.
There’s an edginess to her voice, sharp and rimmed with pain. It’s enough to give me pause. Something’s not right with Kaye.
“Barbi ran into a creep freshman year.” Kaye glances at me, knowing how much pain I lived through. “He didn’t just cheat on her. He took her virginity, filmed the whole thing without her consent, then went on to fuck five other girls the same night. When he was done, he posted the whole horrible thing. It was some frat challenge that’s frankly disgusting.”
Yeah. Love sucks.
“It was horrible.” I press the heel of my hand against my chest as painful memories flood through me.
“Holy shit. He did that?” Jinx gathers her long dark hair into a ponytail and pulls it over her shoulder. Her fingers split the hair into three parts, and she mindlessly plaits a braid.
Memories of that fateful night still plague me.
“I met Steffen during freshman orientation. We hit it off immediately. Started dating right out of the gate. He was my first real boyfriend. I trusted him. I believed the lies he told me. That he loved me. That he cared for me. That I was special. Turns out, I was nothing but a line on a scavenger hunt. Bragging rights of a frat boy going through rush. Fuck five women in one day. Fuck a virgin. Make a sex tape and post it online. I gave him three checkmarks on that damn scavenger hunt. Although, I didn’t know about the video. When I found out about it—after the video hit a million views—he had the audacity to accuse me of being a slut. Me, a slutty virgin?” I point to my chest for emphasis and shout. “I mean, now it might seem kind of the pot calling the kettle black thing, but back then, I was far from slutty. I dated. Held hands. Kissed. Maybe a bit of light petting. But I never went further than that. After Steffen humiliated me, the fallout was horrific. I couldn’t show my face. I stopped going to class. I basically hid, or tried to, in a world where everyone lives their lives on social media. Finally, I had enough.” I turn and point to Kaye and Carmen. “You remember, right?”
“Oh boy, do I remember.” Kaye backs me right up. “You brought us up here.”
“Yup.” Carmen chimes in and points to the fire pit that’s currently shuttered up. “Yanked off your bra. Burned it right here. And proclaimed if guys could sleep around and be heroes to their friends, then why couldn’t a woman do the same?”
“That was a five-bottle alarm night.” Kaye takes a sip of her wine.
“Five bottle?” Rosalie looks between the three of us.
“It’s a measure of the seriousness of wine and pizza night.” Kaye leans back and takes another swig. “One bottle is us just having fun. Two is kicking things up. A three-bottle night is us getting serious. That night was a five-bottle fire alarm.” She presses the back of her hand to her forehead. “The next morning was… Let’s just say, it was a hard day.”
Carmen spits out her drink. “Girl, you never made it to morning. I was holding your hair out of the way while you prayed to the Great White Porcelain God well before then.” She points at me. “Barbi was practically comatose. The only reason I didn’t take her to the ER is because I couldn’t figure out how to dial 9-1-1.” Carmen looks to Jinx and Lily. “It was a pretty rough night.”
“Seems so.” Jinx lifts her glass. “But props to you, Barbi.”
“For what?”
“For taking what that asshole did to you and turning it into the most epic of epic woman-takes-charge moments ever. I hate that a healthy appetite for sex in a woman is frowned on. That we’re called sluts and whores and whatnot. I say, job well done. You took something awful and claimed it.” Jinx elbows Lily. “Where were we when these three were taking names and claiming life?”
“We were working silently within the system to legitimize our place in a male-dominated field.” Lily shrugs. “Props to you, Barbi. Carmen and Kaye, and Rosie—even you—we’ve all heard how you practically rescued yourself and dragged Hayes along for the ride.”
“He helped.” Rosalie blushes at the praise. “It’s not like I made it out of there on my own.”