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I don’t want to run away. I’m so freakin’ tired of never putting myself—my real self—out there.
More than anything, I want to break this cursed cycle and be brave enough to trust someone. I wish I could walk away from all the hurt and pain Steffen inflicted on me and start anew.
But I just don’t have it in me.
Steffen broke me.
What a normal person would do is share this shit, but instead of turning around like I should, and explaining myself to Alec, I race upstairs to Kaye’s room and hurriedly grab an armload of her things. I’ll do anything to avoid confronting my issues.
I nearly trip over Carmen at the top of the stairs.
“Need help?” she asks.
I bury my face in Kaye’s clothes, wiping away traitorous tears that dare to breach my defenses. “No, this is the last of it. How about you? Need any help? How about Rosalie? Does she need help?”
“Are you kidding? With Hayes and Rafe? I’m surprised we’re allowed to climb the stairs without their assistance. They’re kind of being a pain in the ass to be honest.”
“Men.” I feel Carmen’s frustration.
From what I heard, Rosalie basically rescued herself from the rainforests of Nicaragua and let Hayes help along the way. Carmen’s equally fierce. I mean, she leapt onto Rafe as he dangled beneath a helicopter.
The last thing Carmen or Rosalie need is help, but I notice Carmen’s arms are suspiciously empty.
“Where’s Rosalie? I didn’t see her in the room?”
“She and Hayes ran to the store.”
“The store? What did they need to get that’s so important it couldn’t wait until after she’s moved in?”
“I’ll give you one guess, and they come in extra-large.”
“O-M-G! Condoms?”
“That’s my guess. She said something about shampoo, but do the math.”
“I am doing the math and she needs to buy you a box, or two. You and Rafe are…”
“Should I call her and have her pick up a box for you?” Carmen folds her arms across her chest.
I pause, mentally checking my stores of condoms in my room. “Nope. I’m good.”
“Really?” She gives me a look. “That’s not what I hear.”
“What does that mean?” I shift the armful of clothes.
“Rafe said you and Alec may know each other.” She uncrosses her arms long enough to finger quote me. “Something about a bar?”
“He did?”
“Sure did.”
“So?” I shrug, like it means nothing to me. “Alec and I hooked up. It was grad night to be precise. No biggie.” My flippant reply doesn’t fool Carmen.
“So, it was kind of a surprise then.”
“To who?”
“Alec.” She playfully shoves me. “Come on, you can’t tell me seeing one of your conquests at your door didn’t mess with your head.”