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Then finally settling on Rowan Taylor, our goalie and my best friend, who is staring down at the floor, sitting with his elbows propped on his knees and head resting in his hands. Loses are never good on any of our spirits and I know how heavily they weigh on him. He doesn’t talk much about it, but it’s next to impossible for him to not take on the brunt of the blame. He’s the last line of defense to stop pucks from getting into the net.

But tonight—that was all me.

Rowan lifts his gaze to meet mine when I stop in front of him. Disappointment swirls in his irises and I immediately feel guilt for costing the entire team the game. He’s blaming himself for it, but I need him to know that it wasn’t his fault.

“I’m sorry about tonight, Ro,” I tell him. My hand finds his shoulder and I give him a soft squeeze. Beside Rowan, Nash raises an eyebrow at me as I shuffle inch by inch into the small space between them, forcing him to scoot over to make a spot for me. I drop down onto the bench, my hand releasing Rowan’s shoulder. “That was my fuckup. I was in your way and they used me as a screen.”

“It happens,” he tells me with a shrug, although I can see that it’s not that simple. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I should have been able to stop it.”

I shake my head at him, eyebrows lowering. “There’s no way you could have stopped it if you couldn’t see it coming.” I pause, letting out a sigh, knowing my efforts here are futile. Rowan is still going to have his own thoughts regardless of what I tell him.“I just wanted to apologize again. It wasn’t your fault and I don’t want you to spend the rest of the night blaming yourself.”

He tilts his head to the side, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Thanks, kid.” A shadow passes over us and I turn my head, catching my brother’s eye as he looms over us.

“It was just one loss,” Caleb says, his voice low as he directs his attention to Rowan. “Don’t let it get you down, Taylor. Like Carsy said, he was in your way.” He gives me a hardened stare. “We just have to make sure we do better next game and not fuck it up again.”

The entire room falls silent as Caleb speaks and nothing about it is unusual. He’s a natural leader and something about his presence demands everyone’s attention. The way he leads and sets an example made him the perfect candidate for our team captain, and he’s been holding that position for the past four years.

“Thanks, Ford.” Rowan tips his chin at my brother before glancing at me. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. We’re both at fault, really.”

I nod at him, but my brother interjects before I get a chance to speak. “None of this negative shit,” he scolds the two of us. “Pick yourselves up and do better. That’s all any of us can do.”

Caleb changed when he lost his wife, Amelia, in a tragic car accident, leaving him and their infant daughter behind. Caleb’s had his fair share of struggles, but ever since that night, there’s a hardness to him that wasn’t there before. He’s always been a bit standoffish, even as kids, but now his guard is always in place.

He refuses to let anyone get too close.

“You're right,” I agree, rising back to my feet as I stand toe to toe with my brother. There’s a two year gap between the two of us, but the similarities in our features and height could have us passing as twins. “It won’t happen again. I promise I won’t let you guys down.”

Caleb stares at me for a long moment, his gaze locked on mine before he shifts to Rowan and then around the room, and dives into a speech, trying to lift the spirits in the room. I make my way back to my area, tuning into Caleb’s words. By the time he wraps it up, the entire room is chanting and hooting and hollering. I head to the showers with a smile dancing across my lips, the renewed energy practically vibrating within me.

Negativity will only bring us down further. We have to stand together and push through.

It’s the only way we’ll succeed.

I head back to my house alone, stopping to grab takeout on the way, just as I do almost every night. I grab my mail from the mailbox before stepping into the foyer. The door shuts on its own behind me and I make sure to lock it as I kick off my shoes.

The low hum of the refrigerator is my only companion as I step into the kitchen and flip on the overhead light. I set down the bag of food on the island and head to the fridge for a bottle of water.

There are times I wish I wasn’t coming home to an empty house. The other guys go back to their homes where they have their partners and families. But not me.

It’s always just me . . . alone.

I settle into the silence of the evening, the silence of my home. It’s lonely at times, but I know this is how things are meant to be for me. Attachments were messy, it’s just easier this way. There’s no expectation anyone else is holding me too, and there’s no one here to disappoint.

I’ve given everything to hockey and there’s no way I could ever put another person ahead of that.

Hockey is my life.

And I’m meant to live it alone.

CHAPTER TWO

ANDI

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

Pushing my bag to the side, I make space for my brother, Vincent, to set the other one down beside it. I slowly stand upright, straightening my spine as I glance at him. The sun feels so good on my bare skin, the warmth a stark contrast to the cool spring breeze that drifts around us. “I think I should be okay.”

“If you change your mind or decide you need any help, let me know,” he tells me, a gentle smile lifting his lips. His dark brown eyes shimmer. “I’m always just a phone call away.”