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There aren’t very many belongings I will have to go through thanks to the very tidy woman who also happened to be a minimalist. For that, I’m grateful. When Aunt Bella was still here, she cut back on her belongings tremendously, virtually leaving nothing but furniture and a few things she needed.

At some point, I need to clear out her closets and as we begin to remodel things, I’ll have to figure out what I’ll be doing with the furniture. My stomach sours at the thought of discarding the last pieces of her existence, but I push the feeling away as I follow after Matteo.

“Which room do I get to sleep in, mom?” Matteo questions me as we step into the kitchen and he crawls onto one of the stools on the other side of the counter. The kitchen is spacious enough and could be opened up even more to the dining room if the wall between was knocked out. There’s plenty of room for an island to be sitting in the center as well.

The home is outdated but it has so much potential. I know something like this won’t last on the market long, and that’s coming from someone who has no real estate experience.

“Let’s get the groceries put away and you can go pick a room after,” I tell him as I lift my arm full of bags and set them down. Matteo goes back out to the car with me and, after two trips ofgrocery bags and another for our belongings, we’re back in the house for the rest of the day.

We work together, putting the food away while Matteo asks a million questions about what we’re going to be doing while we’re here, before we end up making our way onto the second floor. It’s not a big house, but it’s far bigger than Aunt Bella ever needed. Matteo checks out both guest rooms before settling on the one with the baby blue walls. It’s his favorite color and since the rooms are all the same, it’s the one he likes the best.

Aunt Bella’s bedroom was on the first floor, so I end up in the second biggest bedroom in the house. It has a king sized bed, which I don’t need, and a few pieces of furniture. It’s more than enough for Matteo and me, but this is all only temporary anyways.

“Mom,” Matteo’s soft voice breaks through my thoughts as I’m unloading his suitcase and putting his things away. His eyes meet mine as I hand him a pair of shorts to place in the drawer of his dresser.

“Yeah,caro?”

“Will we be seeing Mr. Carson again while we’re here? I like him.”

He catches me off guard with his question. It’s the first he’s spoken of Carson since we ran into him earlier and if I’m being honest, I wasn’t sure he would bring him up at all.

“He’s going to be stopping by in a few hours, but he and I need to have an adult conversation, so I’m not sure that he’ll be hanging out for very long.”

A frown tugs his lips downward as he gives me a slow nod. “Can we maybe see him another time then? I want to show him my hockey stick.”

Guilt washes over me. “He’s very busy with his work schedule, but I will see if we can figure something out.”

Matteo’s face lights up and I’m drowning in the fucking guilt. “Thank you, mom!” He quickly climbs to his feet, brushing his hands against the fronts of his shorts. I stare at him for a moment, studying his ever changing features.

His steel colored eyes stare back at me before he looks around the room in a haste. “Can I go downstairs and get my dinosaurs?”

“I’ll come down with you,” I tell him, a smile forming on my lips, but it doesn’t spread. It’s no match against my guilt. Focusing on the past does nothing to change where we are today, but I can’t help but wonder if I could have done things differently when I found out I was pregnant.

At the time I felt as though I did everything I could have done to get in touch with Carson, but maybe I should have done more. Five years have passed...five years worth of memories they could have had together.

And there’s no one to blame but me.

My phone vibrates on the counter as I get everything ready to start cooking dinner. It’s late in the afternoon and after the long day Matteo and I have had, I just want us to be able to get dinner done and start our evening routine in hopes that we can have a little bit of time to relax and adjust to the new house before heading to bed.

Even though Matteo easily adjusts, I don’t want to throw him off our typical nighttime routine too much. I want to keep things as normal as possible for him and that includes making sure he goes to bed at a decent time. When he was littler, he would come into my bed most nights, but not as much anymore. It’s becomeso infrequent, it only happens when he has a bad dream or when he’s sick.

I pick up my phone from the counter, my heart thumping against my ribcage as I unlock the screen and see his message waiting for me.

Carson

Is it okay if I head over to your house now?

A part of me wants to tell him no. I’m not ready to fully face him, although I feel like the hardest part is already out of the way. He knows that Matteo is his son, but I know that isn’t going to be the end of it. I could see it in his eyes when we were standing in the middle of the pasta aisle at the grocery store.

He has questions. He wants answers.

And he has a lot of emotions about this.

Andi

Now is a good time.

I sent him the address to Aunt Bella’s house earlier when we exchanged numbers, so he knows where to go. I don’t know where the practice facility is for the Aston Archers, so I’m not sure how long it will take him to get here, but I have a feeling the time is only going to stretch until he’s here.