Page 27
Story: Make Your Change
“I think she does.”
The muscle in his jaw tightens. “Just proceed with caution, okay? You still don’t know what her true motives are.”
I stare at my brother for a second. “I know.”
He could be completely wrong about Andi, but I don’t say that to him. Caleb has always struggled to trust people and after losing Amelia, it only got worse. I don’t think he’ll ever attach himself to another person again. A serious relationship has never been in the plan for me, especially after watching what my brother went through when he lost his wife. Andi and I have a kid, but it doesn’t mean that we’ll be walking down the aisle to the altar together.
We have a situation that we need to navigate together and nothing more.
CHAPTER TEN
ANDI
Matteo sits across from me, his mouth open as he shovels in a fork full of spaghetti. It’s nothing like the dish Aunt Bella used to make, but I think she’d be proud. Our family roots have strong ties back to Italy, especially because my mother and Bella lived in Italy until they were of college age. They both left their families to move to the states, which is where my parents met.
My father’s family is also from Italy, but the past two generations were born and raised here. After him and my mother met in college, they married and the rest is history. Aunt Bella never moved back to Italy either, although we have been plenty of times to visit family and the country itself.
Matteo knows so much about my family and there’s so much neither of us know about his father. I have to tell him the truth about Carson, and I still haven’t found the perfect way to do it. It’s been a whole day since Carson called with the results, and I’m beginning to wonder if there even is a perfect way.Here goes nothing.
“Matteo, do you remember when we talked about your father before and what I told you about him?”
Nothing about this is easy. I immediately want to pause the conversation. I don’t want to make this a big thing and upset him in any way.
Matteo looks up at me, chewing his food as he nods eagerly. “He lives farther away so we don’t see him.”
Fuck.I swallow over the lump lodged in my throat, trying to choose my words carefully. Speaking in facts and matter-of-factly might be the best approach. Limited facts, but the truth, nonetheless.
“Right. So, when I first met your father, we were in very different places in our lives. I was living in Italy at the time and we didn't live anywhere near each other.” I pause. I want to be honest with him, but there are certain adult things he doesn’t need to know. “Things are complicated,caro. That’s just how life is when you grow up and sometimes things are just hard and don’t always make sense.”
I’m losing the plot here and starting to ramble because I don’t know how the hell to tell my son about his father when he’s staring at me with those gray eyes. There’s no judgement in his gaze, just pure curiosity.
“I know we’ve never really talked about your father and I want to tell you about him and who he is.”
“Okay,” he nods eagerly, giving me a gentle smile as I watch his expression brighten. He stares at me while he shovels another mouthful of food into his mouth. “Do I get to meet him sometime?”
My heart breaks. This is the first real, open conversation we’ve had about this. Granted, he is only five years old, so I need to remind myself to keep it to his age level. The guilt of not telling him about Carson sooner sits in my stomach like a boulder.
“You have actually already met him, but we didn’t want to scare you at all. He lives here in Aston.” My throat bobs, nostrils widening as I straighten my spine. “Carson is your father.”
Matteo’s jaw drops, his eyes widen, and his fork clatters onto his plate. “Hockey-player Carson?”
“Yes.” I let out a breath, half sighing in relief as his face transforms into something that resembles excitement. “We talked about it and felt it would be better if I told you without him because we didn’t want to scare you or upset you at all.”
He shakes his head, moving around in his seat as he tucks his legs underneath him. “I’m not upset or scared.” He tilts his head to the side. “I like Carson. He’s really nice and really good at hockey.”
“He is, isn’t he?” I agree, a soft laugh escaping me as the anxiety begins to wane. He’s five, so thankfully I think he may be too young to be affected negatively by this. Time will tell when he gets older, as I’m sure he’ll have more questions then.
For now, I’ll take his ability to accept things and adapt.
“His team is playing tonight, if you want to watch some of it before bed.”
“Oh, yes!” He exclaims, clapping his hands with excitement. He settles back in his seat again. “Do I get to see him again?”
“Of course, babe. They are playing in the playoffs right now, so his schedule is a little crazy, but when he’s back in town, he plans on coming to see you first thing.”
“Good,” Matteo says, nodding his head in approval. He gets up from his seat as we’re both finished. He walks over to the sink with me and hands me his plate as I begin to wash them. “I want to see him. Do you think he will skate with me?”
Tears prick the corners of my eyes as I turn my head and glance down at my sweet boy. “I’m sure he would love to do that with you.”
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