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We all stare at her, the woman who thinks Tai Chi is the solution to all of life’s problems and couldn’t even bear the thought of touching Ah Guan’s body a year ago. “Um,” I say finally. “We’ll, uh, we’ll take that idea into account. Anyone have any other suggestions?”
“Maybe we kill him more slower? You know, send very clear message, very clear,” Second Aunt says.
“So not just death, but horrific death,” Nathan mutters. He glances over at me, wide-eyed, and I wonder if he’s thinking of running off into the dark of night and never coming back. Can’t blame him.
“Stop that,” Big Aunt snaps to Second Aunt. “Why everything must be kill-here-kill-there with you? So unlucky.”
“Yeah, Big Aunt’s right, it’s very unlucky,” I quickly say. I frown at Big Aunt, noticing that she’s taken the time to put her fascinator, dragon and all, back on her head. Of course my family would prioritize making sure their outfits are complete even though the wedding festivities are over. But whatever, her dragon, her choice.
“Yes, you murder someone, you will bring bad luck to family,” Ma says, because of course.
“Not true,” Second Aunt says. “We kill Ah Guan, it actuallybring good luck to us. You see, business go so well, Meddy finally get married. Maybe if we kill one of them now, Meddy get pregnant, give you grandbaby.”
Ma’s face brightens. “Oooh, grandbaby! Yes, good point. Okay, done, we kill him.”
“NOT good point!” What is wrong with my family? “This is not how any of this stuff works.”
Ma and Second Aunt glare at me.
“Meddy, I tell you, I not getting any younger,” Ma says sadly. “I might die before I see my grandbaby.”
“I can’t believe you’re using this as an opportunity to guilt-trip me into conceiving,” I moan. “Look, I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just say any of that stuff and go back to the original question, which is: what do we do with them? And for the record, no, we arenotkilling them or cutting them up into little pieces or skinning them or anything like that.”
“Aduh, Meddy, choy, touch wood, who say anything like skinning them?” Second Aunt says, flapping her hand at me and looking horrified. “Aduh, that one very cruel, you know.”
“So that’s where you draw the line? Chopping them up, A-okay. But skinning is going a step too far?”
Ma and Second Aunt nod.
“Good to know. Anyway, any other ideas that don’t involve hurting anyone?”
“How about we just go to the police and tell them everything?” Nathan says. Then he sees all of our faces and he quickly says, “Okay, bad suggestion, never mind.”
“I think maybe we tie up Nathan also. He talking about going to police,” Second Aunt mutters.
“Enak aja!” Ma snaps. “No one tie up my son-in-law, okay?”
Nathan, looking terrified, says, “Um. Thanks, Ma?”
“Just don’t say anything stupid like ‘going to the cops’ again,” Fourth Aunt says.
“Right.” Nathan nods quickly. “I mean, it’s just that since these guys are mafia, we could just tell the cops that they were endangering everyone and...”
“But then they’d tell the cops about our involvement in Ah Guan’s death,” I say.
Nathan’s mouth presses into a thin line. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “But I think maybe that’s the price we have to pay. I have contacts at the DA’s office, they’ll help us—”
“Eh, ngga ya!” Ma cries. “No, no, no. Later go on our record, who want to hire criminal for wedding?”
“And your hotel, nobody will want to stay there, lho,” Big Aunt says.
Nathan sighs and they plunge into yet another heated discussion, going in an endless nightmarish circle about what to do.
I am tired. The last twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind of intense emotions, and I don’t know what to do. Thing is, there isn’t anything good wecando. Every option comes with its own punishment. And the act of coming clean to Nathan, though it feels good and right, has been utterly exhausting. I feel as though everything inside me has been carved out, leaving me an empty husk.
Slowly, my muscles turn to water and I droop onto a nearby chair. Nobody else notices; they’re too busy arguing, which is just fine. I rest my cheek on my hands and survey the scene absentmindedly. It’s as though I’ve walked out of my body and am watching things unfold from a distance, like a ghost. There’s Big Aunt, crossing her arms and shaking her head imperiously. There’s Second Aunt, arguing about the merits of chopping people up into little cubes while Nathan gapes at her in shock.Ma is flitting back and forth between appeasing her older sisters and her son-in-law, and Fourth Aunt is studying her nails and sipping tea. This is my family. It’s a funny thing, family.
Speaking of family, those three men we’ve got tied up are family too. My gaze flicks toward them. It’s weird how alike they look. How much like my aunts they behave. Big Uncle is now awake too, blinking slowly. Second Uncle looks terrified, which—you know—I can hardly blame the guy. Third Uncle is grimacing as if he’s got the world’s biggest headache, which he probably does. Three mafia men, all of them somehow captured and tied up by my crazy family. We’re not even mafia, and somehow we’ve managed to overpower these actual professional killers and tie them up with zip ties, and—