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Ma and the aunts are wearing hats so wide that we have trouble fitting everybody inside the cabs. And atop the hats are giant silk flowers and fruit. I’d gently prodded and hinted about leaving the hats behind, but they insisted it was a sign of respect to wear hats in England.
“Hullo,” Big Aunt says first, pronouncing it “hoo-lo.” I know she knows how to say “hello” like a normal human, buthere she is, hoo-lo-ing all over the place. “Very kind of you, inviting us to your home, innit? I very chuffed to be here.”
Nathan’s mother recovers and her smile regains its wattage. “Oh, with pleasure! It’s so nice to finally meet all of you. Please come in!”
There is confusion and mayhem as the pineapples and sunflowers on their hats are knocked askew by the doorway. Thankfully, they decide to take the hats off. I exhale. Now that the hats are gone, maybe the rest of the evening will go smoothly.
“I am Friya,” Big Aunt says.
“Enjelin,” Second Aunt says.
“Natasya,” Ma says.
“And I’m Mimi,” Fourth Aunt says.
It’s always so weird hearing them introduce themselves by their names when I’ve known them my whole life as Ma and the aunts.
“Wonderful!” Nathan’s mother says. “I’m Annie, and this is my husband, Chris. I can’t believe we’ve never met. We’ve all heard so much about you.”
“Drinks?” Nathan’s father says, picking up a tray of cocktails and offering it to us.
“Thank you, luv, but we not really like to drink, please not get knickers in a bunch, ya?” Big Aunt says.
Oh god. “I’ll have one.” I grab a glass.
“Yah, I can’t really take the alcohol, I go very red,” Ma says.
“Natasya is more of a weed person,” Fourth Aunt mutters as she picks a glass.
“Excuse me?” Chris says.
“She’s talking about traditional Chinese medicine!” I practically shout, and give Fourth Aunt a death glare that she returns with a carefully blank look.
“Oh, wonderful. Chris here grew up taking TCM, didn’t you, Chris,” Annie says.
“I did. In fact, one of the dishes I made for tonight is ginseng chicken.”
“Wah, you cook?” Ma says. “Ah, sorry, I mean to say, blimey, you cook?”
My head starts to throb. Chris ushers Ma into the kitchen, both of them chatting about ginseng roots and various Chinese herbs. The rest of us go into the dining room, which has been prepared beautifully, each place setting prepped with elaborately folded napkins and two different wine glasses.
“Cor, this so posh, innit?” Second Aunt says.
“Yes, Annie, you are a toff,” Big Aunt says.
Oh god, somebody please stop them. Nathan’s mother gives them a puzzled smile, then tells us to sit while she and Nathan leave the room to bring out the dishes.
“Big Aunt, Second Aunt, speak normally, please,” I beg them as soon as Annie is out of earshot.
“Tch, Meddy, we trying to be polite. What is that saying? When you in Rome, you need to wear toga,” Big Aunt scolds. “Now we in England, we in their home, we speak British English. We show that we make effort to learn their way, they will appreciate.”
“Yes, it take weeks and weeks for us to learn, you know,” Second Aunt pipes up. “We practice in secret so we can surprise you. Don’t be ungrateful, Meddy, okay, you be good girl.”
Guilt lances through my gut. They’re not wrong. I really am being an ungrateful brat. And I know that they’ve done all of this out of love, to impress Nathan’s family for my sake. But still! Argh!
“Yes, I really appreciate all the effort, but this isn’t—I’m telling you, this is not how normal English people speak.”
“Who say?” Big Aunt snaps, aghast. “The teacher we hire say is the most up-to-date British saying!”