Page 38

“Wah, very good, Meddy. Oh, so clever, my baby,” Ma says, beaming proudly. “She so clever, ya? Ya kan?” she says to the others, shamelessly goading them, especially Fourth Aunt, into agreement.
“Yes, very clever,” Big Aunt says. Second Aunt nods, smiling.
“Well, we were kind of distracted by the actual hard work of overpowering him, but whatever,” Fourth Aunt mutters. Ma narrows her eyes and Fourth Aunt turns away, but as she does, she gives me a quick wink.
We all file back into the bathroom. “Okay, so we just have to find his phone—” I frown at Second Uncle. “Speaking of which, why doesn’t he have his pants on?”
“Ah, yes,” Second Aunt says with pride. “We remove so that he too embarrass to run out and call for help. We think out him.” She taps the side of her nose slyly.
“Outthink,” Fourth Aunt says.
“Outing? What outing?” Second Aunt says.
“I think she just wanted to get his pants off,” Fourth Aunt whispers in a very loud, non-whispery way.
“Where are his pants?” I have to raise my voice over theirs.
“In closet, Meddy, we not so messy, leave it out,” Ma says.
“Of course not, my bad.” I make my way to the closet, and sure enough, the pants are there, folded into a neat square. Grimacing slightly, I pat them down—wow, feels weird to be putting my hands all over some man’s pants—and breathe asigh of relief when I find his phone. I slide it out and brandish it at my family, who clap and cheer for me.
“Now.” Fourth Aunt turns to Second Uncle and moves silkily, dropping her voice low. “Tell us the unlock code, or I will take the bluntest clotted cream knife and use it to saw off your—”
“It’s a facial recognition lock, no need to saw off anything,” I call out, running over so fast I trip on my dress and would’ve face-planted if Ma hadn’t caught me. God, Fourth Aunt. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she’s enjoying this. Wait, who am I kidding? She is totally enjoying this. I link my arm through Fourth Aunt’s and usher her to one side gently, and all the while, she’s glaring at Second Uncle and making “I’m watching you” motions with her index and middle fingers as he watches balefully. When I hold up the phone to Second Uncle’s face, he turns away.
“Oh, hell no,” Fourth Aunt growls, jumping up. She grabs his head, digging her blinged-out nails into his scalp. He struggles to turn his face away again, but he’s no match for Fourth Aunt, and I manage to get the phone to unlock before she releases him and wipes her hands down her dress with a grimace.
I scan the home screen until I find WhatsApp. Everyone in Indo uses WhatsApp. I tap on it, and sure enough, at the top of the list of ongoing chats is Wedding Group Chat. There are 132 new messages.
My family crowds behind me, and as one, we go through the chat messages.
14
Unlike my family’s WhatsApp group chat, the messages in Staphanie’s family group chat are mostly written in Indonesian, peppered with a few Mandarin characters and sentences here and there.
“Scroll down, Meddy,” Second Aunt says.
“I’m not done reading yet,” I say. For once in my life, I’m the one who’s struggling to keep up with my aunts. It makes me realize that it would be so much easier for them to communicate via chat in Indonesian or even Mandarin, but they stick to English for my sake. Despite the situation, I feel a twinge of guilt and love for my ridiculous family. I shake off the guilt and force myself to focus on the messages, scrolling through a bunch of stuff that doesn’t seem to be relevant until I get to the most recent messages, sent a few minutes ago.
Ama: Semua sudah siap?
That’s simple enough:Is everyone ready?
Jems: Sdh.
Staph: Ya, Ama.
Francis: Ya.
Francis: Hendry ada dimana?
Uh-oh. They’re asking where Second Uncle is.
Staph: Masih dikamar. Kayanya masih lagi dandanin keluarga Meddy.
I think he’s still working on Meddy’s family’s hair and makeup.Phew, okay.
Ama: Ingat, kami harus hati-hati, awasin Sang Ratu.