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“Ah. May I just say, you are looking radiant? Congratulations on your wedding day?” He gives me a hesitant smile.
“Yep, my wedding day. I came back here to do a few touch-ups to my hair and makeup; you know how it is.”
“Ah, yes, of course,” Dan says, looking somewhat relieved.
“Anyway,” I say. We stare at each other for a moment, both of us smiling with uncertainty. “Um, so. Is there something I can help you with?”
“Oh, right! Yes, well. I’m so sorry to bother you with this, Miss Meddelin, but we’ve received a couple of complaints about the noise level in your room. Obviously on such a happy occasion I hate to ask you to bring the noise level down a bit, but could you possibly do that?” His smile looks more like a grimace.
“Yeah, of course. I’m so sorry about that. My mother just got overexcited. She’s been wanting me to get married for ages. We’ll keep the noise down. Thank you, bye!” I don’t wait for a reply before shutting the door, sliding the lock in place, and hurrying back to the bedroom. “I got rid of h—oh no. What have you done?”
Ma, Second Aunt, and Fourth Aunt are all standing there looking very, very guilty. Behind them, Big Aunt is still sniffling softly about what a beautiful bride I make and also why couldn’t she have had a daughter instead of her useless idiot sons, Hendra and Russ. I look down on the floor, craning my neck to look at Third Uncle, but Ma moves to block my view. Bile rises up from my gut. I swallow thickly.
My voice comes out in a hoarse whisper. “Did you guys—um—did you—is he dead?” Because of course he is. We’ve nearly killed Big Uncle and Second Uncle, and that was before they all drank marijuana-spiked champagne. My family is dangerous at the best of times. Now, unhinged by drugs and alcohol? Of course they’ve killed him. It was bound to happen.
“Aiya, no, lah!” Second Aunt snaps. “Why you always think, ‘Wah, must be he dead.’ You think we just going around anyhow kill-kill people?”
“Uh, sort of?”
“Tch,” she tuts. “We knock him out only. Just a bit.”
“Oh, well, that’s okay, then.” I squeeze past them and take a deep breath when Third Uncle comes into view. He’s lying onhis back with his eyes closed. Cautiously, I approach him and crouch next to his head. How is this not the first unconscious man I’m checking for a pulse today? It’s not even thesecond.
“He’s got a clear pulse,” I announce with relief.
“I tell you, we not killer,” Second Aunt says smugly.
“I mean, we technically are, but okay,” I mumble, sitting on the edge of the bed with a sigh. I feel exhausted. I watch as Ma goes to comfort Big Aunt, muttering softly to her. I soften a little. It’s hard watching someone as tough as Big Aunt crumble, even though I know it’s just a side effect of the drugs and alcohol.
“What’re we going to do with him?” Fourth Aunt says.
We all stare at her. “What do you mean? We should probably tie him up and, I don’t know, leave him here for now?” I say.
Fourth Aunt shakes her head so violently that her Komodo dragon flings off and lands in one corner of the room. “No, no. Tch, you are so naive, Meddy. We can’t possibly leave him here. We can’t. We can’t!” Of course Fourth Aunt would be manic after drugs and alcohol.
“Why not?”
“Maybe we chop him up—” Second Aunt says.
“No,”I snap. “No one is chopping anyone up.”
“Yes, lagipula here got carpet floor, later you stain the carpet, hotel give you big fine,” Ma says.
“I think they’d do more than give us a big fine if we chopped up a living human here,” I mutter, “but yes, they’d also probably slap us with a huge cleaning bill.”
“Wah, cannot, cleaning bill will be so expensive,” Second Aunt says. “Okay, never mind, we think of something else.”
Well, at least they’ve got their priorities straight.
“We’ve got the perfect opportunity to get rid of him now,” Fourth Aunt says. “Look at us, we’re all dressed up andgorgeous. You’re in a wedding gown, for goodness’ sake. Who’s going to be suspicious of a bride? No one!”
As much as I hate to admit it, she’s got a point. “What are you suggesting?”
“We get him out of here and dump him in the River Thames, along with his two brothers,” she says simply.
My mouth falls open. It’s been doing that a lot lately. “I—what—that’s murder.”
She frowns at me. “They’ll probably swim or something.”