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“Right, lukewarm. And then what happened?”
“Then he so angry!” Ma says. “Waduh, he go crazy, arms going everywhere—”
“Oh, is so scary,” Second Aunt says. “We very scare.”
“Not that scared. We not Denzels in distress,” Big Aunt says disapprovingly.
An image of a distressed Denzel Washington flashes through my head and I have to shove it away to keep from laughing hysterically.
Second Aunt rolls her eyes. “Yes, not Denzels in distress, but still quite surprise.”
“Yes, we were surprise, so we think, okay, you cannot do like that, scaring us this way, you very bad man, we better keep you under control,” Big Aunt says.
“Keep him under control. By tying him to the toilet. How did you even—you know what? Doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, is quite easy, Meddy,” Ma laughs. “Big Aunt and me, we take one arm, Second Aunt take other arm, Fourth Aunt go and get stocking, tie him up. You know in Jakarta for Eid we often tie up goat for korban, same thing here.”
I gape at her in horror. “Korban? As in sacrifice? You’re not even Muslim. Why are you tying up goats for Eid?”
“We help our neighbors,” Ma says. “We celebrate with them together.”
“Right. Uh, anyway, he’s not a goat we’re about to sacrifice. I mean, I hope you weren’t thinking of sacrificing him, whatever that means.”
Fourth Aunt grins and slides her finger across her throat, making Second Uncle and me shudder.
“Tch, don’t like that, you scare him,” Big Aunt says, and Fourth Aunt shrugs, not looking contrite at all.
“I need to think.” I turn around and leave the bathroom, because really, what is there to do now that my family has literally kidnapped a man? A man who is part of the mafia, let’s notforget. The mafia that’s about to take someone out in a matter of a few hours, at my own wedding.
Shit.
Okay. Calm down, Meddy. You’ve been through worse than this. I mean, technically, murder is worse than kidnapping, and you got through that just fine, so this is nothing! Yeah, this is fine.
“You haven’t hear our plan yet,” Ma says as they all shuffle out after me.
Oh god. They have a plan. This is going to be bad.
Or maybe not. They did help me resolve the whole Ah Guan issue, after all, so maybe it’s time I give my family some credit.
“You have a plan?” I say warily.
“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Fourth Aunt says. “We hold him hostage. Tell them to call off their plan, otherwise...” She slides her finger across her throat again. Second Aunt nods solemnly, and the dragon on her head bobs up and down.
Clearly my family does not deserve any credit at all.
“Nobody is killing anybody,” I groan.
“Yes, very bad luck, killing someone on wedding day,” Ma scolds Fourth Aunt. “You stop it, you curse Meddy wedding. Later who know what bad luck fall on her marriage? Maybe husband die? Or even worse, maybe no baby, then how?”
“I’m pretty sure having Nathan die is worse than—” Why am I arguing over this? “Never mind. Bottom line: no killing anyone. I can’t believe I have to tell you guys this.”
“Yes, no kill,” Big Aunt says. Finally, some reason. “Will be so hard to get rid of body here.” Okay, so she agrees for the wrong reasons. “Now what we do with him?”
The thought of holding anyone hostage is so beyond my comfort zone that I can’t think of anything. I mean, it’s not asif I grew up getting taught Kidnapping 101. My mind is a fuzzy, panicky blank. But then, like a sea monster rising from the depths of the ocean, a sudden thought surfaces.
“His phone!”
Four pairs of eyes lock on me. “His phone,” I say again, flapping with excitement. “We can go through it, maybe find out who the target is!”