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Seb and Selena exchange glances and I’m pretty sure they’ve made a bet on this happening too, those assholes. I hurry toward Ma just as she’s about to crumple to the floor. Second Aunt and I manage to catch her and she sags against us, wailing the whole time about how she’s going to die and no one’s going to know and then her cat is going to eat her face.
“You don’t own a cat,” I point out helpfully.
Ma pauses, then resumes crying. “I not even have cat to keep me company!”
Her eyes wild with panic, Second Aunt says, “This no good, her makeup will start running. Come, we take her lie down inside bedroom.”
“Let me help you,” Staphanie says, reaching out toward us.
“No bother,” Big Aunt says.
“No, really, it’s fine. Let me get Second Uncle to help—”
“No!” Big Aunt snaps so fiercely that we all flinch. “You stay. This for family to fix.”
Clearly frustrated, Staph takes another small step forward, but Seb reaches out and puts a hand on her arm. “I wouldn’t go against Meddy’s aunts,” he says, and Selena grunts in agreement. Ah, if only I could beat my chest at Staph and crow, “That’s right, biatch. Don’t mess with my family!”
Instead, I make myself focus on helping Ma toward the bedroom, which is no easy task. She’s really leaning into me, and in my heavy, huge-ass wedding gown, moving without having to shoulder the weight of a distraught Ma is enough of a challenge. I murmur soothing things to her, reminding her that I’ve been living on my own for the past year and how we see each other every day, and that Nathan and I will see her most days, if not every day. Ma is inconsolable, and it makes me ache to see her so heartbroken.
Second Aunt knocks on the bedroom door. “Is Er Jie.”
The door cracks open and Fourth Aunt peers out. She opens it just wide enough for us to fit through before slamming it shut behind her and locking the door. Well, that wasn’t suspicious at all.
“Aren’t you being a little bit dramatic?” Fourth Aunt says to Ma by way of greeting.
It’s as though the words fortify Ma; she straightens up, barrels past us to the dressing table, shouldering Fourth Aunt aside, and then turns to face us. That’s when I realize Ma’s face is completely dry.
“Why you stand there your mouth open? Later fly go inside mouth,” she says to me.
“Um. Are you okay, Ma?”
“Aiya, I acting, you cannot tell, ya? Because I act so good, right?” Ma grins.
Fourth Aunt rolls her eyes. “I could tell those were fake sobs from a mile away. You were overacting. Typical rookie mistake.”
“Oh? You think you can do better, is it?” Ma says, glowering at her.
In response, Fourth Aunt tilts her face a little and looks at the floor. She sniffles. “My daughter—my only baby—she’s leaving me forever. All those years I spent raising her have cometo this.” A single tear rolls down her cheek. We’re all watching, entranced despite ourselves, when she bows and says, “End scene.” She looks up smugly, dabbing at her cheek. “That’s how you convey human emotion in an authentic way.”
Ma opens her mouth, but I quickly cut in before they turn this into a full-on acting showdown. “Those were really great performances from both of you, wow.” I clap politely. “Anyway, you all wanted me to come here for something? Something important enough to, uh, interrupt my First Look session with Nathan? Not that I’m bitter about that or anything.”
“Oh, yes,” Ma says. “Come. Ayo, cepat.” She flaps her hand at me to come toward the bathroom.
Before I can follow, Fourth Aunt steps in front of me and says, “Don’t freak out, okay?”
Welp. That’s one way to make me start freaking out. In fact, as I walk toward the connecting door, all sorts of horrific things flit through my mind. What could it be? Did Ma bring a luggage full of hallucinogenic shrooms? Did Fourth Aunt smuggle some boy toy in her (Class One) Louis Vuitton?
Wow, I really do have a low opinion of my family.
Then the bathroom door opens and all my thoughts are silenced. Whatever I came up with, however bad I thought it could be, this is so much worse.
Because there, in the middle of the bathroom, is Second Uncle, pants off, gagged, and tied to the toilet.
13
I don’t really know how to describe the sensation of seeing a full-grown man actually tied up a few feet away from me. It’s as if a supernova has gone off in my head, obliterating all thought. I stand there, frozen for what seems like hours, staring wide-eyed at Second Uncle as he struggles uselessly against the restraints, before Big Aunt clears her throat and nods at Ma, who rushes toward me with a cup of tea.
“Come, you drink this, help you digestion,” Ma says, bringing the cup to my lips.