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“Aww, bless,” Ma says, smiling fondly at Nathan.
“You can’t carry off ‘bless,’ ” I say dryly.
“Meddy, don’t be such tosser, lah,” Second Aunt says.
Nathan’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline.
“Did you just call me a ‘tosser’?”
“Tosser is mean someone who always toss out the good time.”
“That—no. Second Aunt, that is not what ‘tosser’ means.”
“Yes it is, see here, I got put in my notebook, hmm, where is it...” She takes out her book and flips through page after page of handwritten British slang, muttering under her breath the whole time. “Bugger... bugger off... bugger it...”
“Stop saying ‘bugger,’ Second Aunt,” I plead.
“Is mean ‘booger.’ ”
“It definitely doesn’t mean that,” Nathan says, barely able to keep his face straight.
“Then what it mean?” Second Aunt says. And suddenly, it feels like the entire cabin is looking at us expectantly.
Nathan falters. “Uh. It means... um.” After an interminable silence where not a single eye in the cabin blinks, Nathan mumbles, “Yeah, you’re right, it means ‘booger.’ ” The fucking coward.
Second Aunt, Big Aunt, and Ma nod with satisfaction. Fourth Aunt grins at us. I pull Nathan aside. Once we get toour seats and are safely out of earshot, I say, “Let’s get off the plane. It’s not too late, the gate’s still open.”
Nathan pats my arm. “It’ll be okay.”
“Nathan! They’re speaking like Hugh Grant!”
“I can assure you they sound nothing like Hugh Grant.”
“I know! But theythinkthey sound like him. And they keep swearing. What if they call your mom a tosser and tell your dad to bugger off?”
Nathan bites back a grin. “I mean, it would be hilarious.”
I punch him on the arm, hard enough for him to wince. “To you, maybe. I would be mortified. Oh god, this is terrible.”
“It’s hardly terrible. Is there something else bothering you?”
I take a deep breath. “I have this fear of your parents realizing they’re nuts and convincing you to call off the wedding.”
Nathan laughs. “Meddy, it’ll be fine. My parents know to expect some loss in translation. And they love you. Therefore, they’ll love your family too, just like I do. I adore your mother and your aunts, you know that.”
I sigh, leaning against his reassuring shoulder. “I know. Although I can never understand why. You know they’re bonkers, right?”
“Only in the best possible way. Trust me, my family is going to fall head over heels in love with them.”
I close my eyes and try to believe him, but somehow, whenever I try to imagine his painfully prim family meeting my ramshackle one, all I can see is a disaster. I’m so sure that, at some point, Nathan will realize that my family and I are a complete mess and decide to escape before it’s too late. And then I’ll be wrenched out of this wonderful dream and find myself back where I was before Jacqueline and Tom Cruise Sutopo’s wedding—alone, crushed under the weight of familial guilt, and worst of all, without Nathan in my life.
5
Despite the unapologetically lush seats, the thought of my family meeting Nathan’s keeps me so anxious I can’t sleep at all the entire flight. Twice, I’m just about to doze off when I hear Ma or the aunts say something along the lines of “Eh, San Mei, ah, oi could do with a nice cuppa, innit?” Then my heart rate goes up so fast that I get a headache. Oh god, please, please, let them realize how ultra-ridiculous they sound. Who could’ve foreseen me missing my family’s normal speech pattern?
While everyone else sleeps, I stare at Nathan like a complete creep and try to will him to continue loving me, even if his parents end up hating my family. Which is definitely perfectly healthy and respectable and not at all pathetic.
“I can feel you staring,” he murmurs, eyes still closed.