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He saved me from being alone.

I hated and loved this man all at once. It was confusing, mangling my thoughts into something that could never make sense to someone on the outside. You would have had to live it to understand.

Nick was like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. He killed my parents, he stole my memories and let me believe that my parents had abandoned me. But he also gave me a childhood, he gave me a family, he provided for me, he gifted his son to me and accepted me as one of his own.

There was good and bad inside this man, so naturally inside me there was love and hate.

Angling my head, I clutched the side of the podium and kept speaking. “I came here today, thinking that this one piece of paper was enough to show you how I felt. It's not, it never could be. What you took from me can never be replaced, but what you gave me, that's going to be my life. I love your son, and there's no doubt in my mind that you love him with everything you have. I don't question that, I don't even question if you have any love for me, because I know you do.”

His smile returned, giving me a subtle nod of appreciation.

“I guess, I guess what I really want you to know is that I forgive you.”

An audible gasp filled the courtroom, the onlookers all turning between themselves and whispering to each other.

Turing to face the room, I spoke loud and clear. “You can't live with hate in your heart, you just can't. And I refuse to let this define me, I refuse to let this live inside my heart like a disfigured monster I can't get rid of. In order to heal, you need to be able to forgive.” Twisting back to Nicholi, I smiled. “I forgive you. That doesn't mean I'll forget it, and it doesn't mean that it still won't affect me for years to come. But I won't live everyday hating you, it's not fair to me or to Birch, or the child we're going to bring into this world. No matter what, you're still Birch's father and he's your son, regardless of what you have done. And I know he still loves you.”

Sighing, I let my head tip forward, as everything that weighed me down suddenly lifted. “Some place inside you is the father he had, the one he still remembers and will never forget. That's the man our son will hear stories about, that's the man I'll think about when your name comes up or your grandson asks a question about when we were young. I hope it brings you some comfort to know that the picture we'll paint for him will be kind and gentle. That's my gift to you.”

Folding up the paper, I straightened my back, placing my hands on my belly. “My forgiveness wasn't an easy decision to make, but it was something I had to do. You erased a young girl from this world, you destroyed one soul and molded it into another. My memories were gone, but you filled my head with something else—a beautiful lie.”

Stepping down, I found my place next to Birch and hugged him. The tears came, stealing away any of the faces that looked at me like I was stupid for forgiving him.

But they hadn't been there. None of those people had gone through what I had.

All I cared about was how I would live with myself when this chapter of my life was over.

I wanted to be completely free.

And now I was.

* * * *

The taxi rolled toa stop outside a huge forest green colonial house. There was a big tree in the center of the front yard, and two tall spiral bushes perched outside the front door. White stones created a path from the driveway to the door, with large flat stones scattered up the center like floating lily pads.

“Thank you,” I said to the driver as I bundled up my purse and jacket and climbed from the car.

Birch unplugged the car seat, peeking under the small awning protecting our sleeping child. “He's still out like a light.”

“Well he cried the entire the flight, so I'm sure he's exhausted.” Chuckling, I lifted my eyes to the big house and my heart began to thud inside my chest.

“Do you have the baby bag?” he asked, slipping the handle of the car seat up his forearm and holding the bottom.

“Yeah, I got it.” Reaching onto the floor of the taxi, I grabbed the bag and slung it over my shoulder. “I can't believe we're here.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little.” My lips crinkled and my eyes widened. “Are you?”

“Nope, I'm excited.”

A small cry escaped our son, and Birch began to rock the seat in his arms. “Shh,” he hushed softly. “Go back to sleep, Noor.”

Noor, it was a name we took time finding. It means light, and this little guy had given us just that. He had shed light in darkness, he had glowed when the world was dark. We had so much worth living for and all of it was inside that little boy.

The cab pulled away and Birch and I stood motionless in the driveway. I knew he was waiting for me, but taking the first step to that door was harder than I thought.

I was afraid that I wouldn't be who she expected. That my grandmother would open that door expecting to see the same girl she remembered from years ago.