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It wasn't until after he left me alone that I noticed my pinkie finger isn't bending right and it's starting to swell around the knuckle.

I'm trying not to move it at all, it's starting to hurt really bad. What happens if it's broken? Will it get better on its own? I don't know if these people are willing to help me fix it. Maybe I'll just keep this to myself and not tell them.

I don't know, I'll just see how it is tomorrow. Dad always said that pain was a part of life and you just had to suck it up and deal with it sometimes. Would that count for this? Is this the type of pain he was talking about?

I'm going to listen to him even though he's not here. I wish I knew where he was, I wish I knew if him and my mom were watching me right now.

But my gut is telling me that they're not. I don't think they'd let that man keep me here if they were. They'd find a way to tell the police that a murderer had their daughter, even if it was through a whisper in a dream.

I'm not sure I believe in guardian angels anymore. Not now, not after this.

How could they exist and allow something this horrible to happen?

Did I do something wrong?

Did I deserve this?

Is this my fault?

— F.

March 28, 2010

Dear Diary,

I saw Birch again today.

He seemed different, like he was trying to pretend he was happy. I'm still not ready to trust him, but he's nice to me. He talks to me like he knows me, like we're friends.

He let me play a game on his phone today. It was a dumb game, but it was the best game I had ever played. I can't remember the name, but I had to fit these blocks all together to make a row.

I thought about calling the police, but he never took his eyes off me. I didn't have a chance to do it. Even if I did, I had no idea where I was. I couldn't give them any clues or directions to find me.

It was a dumb idea, and maybe I should have done it anyway. I don't know. I guess it's too late for that now. Sometimes I feel so stupid. Even that night the man came, I should have called the police, but I didn't. Instead I hid like a damn coward and did nothing.

I'm such a fucking idiot. What's wrong with me?

Birch told me that the man is his father. He says he's really not a bad guy, and he knows I won't believe him, but that he really does mean well.

I don't know what the hell he meant by that. Did he know why I was there? Did he have any clue what he had done to my parents?

There's no way he could know, I don't think he'd be saying that stuff if he did. I asked him if his dad knew he came down here, but he wouldn't give me an answer. He shrugged and went to sit against the wall beside the door in the corner.

He always sits in the right corner, I don't know why. I asked him about it, but he wouldn't tell me. He just said that we all have favorites, and this corner was his.

I don't know how someone could have a favorite corner, I guess everyone is different though. I had a favorite spot on the couch at home, and a favorite cup I use to drink my milk out of. But a corner, that was just odd.

Birch said that when I get out of this room he'll show me a really cool place to go swimming. He talked about it like it was the most incredible place in the world. I want to see it now. The way he described it, the way his eyes lit up and he smiled when he spoke, it actually made me excited about it.

I made him promise to take me, I guess I'll have to see if he keeps his promises or not.

I like Birch more than the other man. I wish he was the only one I had to see.

— F

April 5, 2010

Dear Diary,