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I wanted to have a family so badly, maybe I missed the reality at my feet. . .

Holding my breath, I stayed quiet, sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest. Staring at the door, tears swelled over my eyes, making the room blurry. Short quick bursts of air snapped through my lungs as I did my best to not break down and sob uncontrollably.

Wiping them away, I exhaled gently, doing my best to not lose it and stay sane. I had to keep a clear head, I had to be able to pick apart all the details of what I did know to see behind the surface.

Fuck! Get it together!

A few more knocks racked the door making me jump. Dragging my hands through my hair, I licked my dry lips and spoke as casually as I could. “Yeah?”

“Are you alright in there?”

It's Birch. . .

“Uh, yeah, I'm fine.” Forcing my voice to stay steady, I choked out a few words. “I'll be out in a minute.”

“You sure? You didn't seem okay at all after we left, and you've been locked in there since we got home.”

Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes. “I'm good, Birch, really. Just give me a few minutes.”

“Sure, no problem, I'll be downstairs.” His feet vibrated the floor as he walked off, and I could hear the sound of his steps as he went down the stairs, leaving me alone.

Birch didn't believe me. I could tell by his voice he knew I was full of shit. I hated lying to him, I had never really done it before. It was stupid of me to think that he wouldn't notice something was up.

Why do I feel bad about not being honest, when he's been able to keep up this lie for years?

Maybe I don't know him as well as I thought.

Exhaling, I stretched my legs out across the floor, unable to filter the jumble of shit inside my head.

A part of me was excited to learn about who I was, while the rest was anxious and upset about what this all could mean in the end.

The man I loved with everything I had could be a fictitious character that never existed. Just the thought sucker punched me in the gut, leaving me keeled over in a pain I didn't know what to do with.

I thought that losing my family was the worst kind of hurt. . . I was wrong.

Pushing myself up, I stripped free from the jumpsuit and tossed on some clothes. Stepping to the sink, I turned on the water and splashed my face. The water felt good as it cleansed my skin, erasing the salty tears.

Leaning over the sink, I let the cold water run down off my chin. Every drop was a mix of sadness and pain, disappearing into the drain forever. I didn't want that for my life, I wasn't ready to lose everything I had with Birch.

I couldn't just forget the feelings I had for him. I wasn't ready to walk away from the love I felt inside. Deep down, I still wanted the feelings between us to be real. I just had to find a way to build a bridge over the trench that had just opened up.

I'm going to figure this out. I have to.

I'm strong, I can do this.

All the answers were right there inside me, everything I needed to know the truth was in my brain. I just had to find it. Standing up straight, I dried my face and fixed my hair, ready to hit this thing head on. I deserved more than this, and so did my parents.

Opening the bathroom door, I stepped over everything the cops had discarded on the floor and stashed the diary under the mattress on my side of the bed.

For now I wasn't going to let Birch know I had it. I planned on taking my time, reading it again, allowing her messages to sink in with the hopes that it would ignite some flame in the back of my mind.

Making my way downstairs, I found Birch and his Dad in the kitchen, cleaning up the mess from the raid. “They really did a number in here, huh?” I asked, slipping into a chair at the table. “I don't remember it being this bad before.”

Grunting, Nick flashed his eyes at me over his shoulder. “They really wanted to find something today.” Turning back to the cupboard, he stacked the plates inside and closed the door. “Valentina would have shit herself if she saw it like this.” Chuckling lightly, he shifted against the counter and leaned back. “Remember that time she went off on that cop? When she got in his face and reamed him a new asshole for dumping her grandmother's silverware on the floor?”

Birch grinned and nodded his head. “I do. She did that thing with her eyes where they went all crazy, throwing her arms all around and shit.” Flicking his eyes to me, he smiled. “The guy actually picked them all up one by one as she gave him orders on where they went.”

“That's right, your mother knew how to throw her weight around.” Nick's face lit up, his eyes getting that twinkle I always see when he talks about her. “The good thing is they didn't find shit. It's not like they ever have, I don't know why they would think this time would be any different.”