Page 47

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, keeping my eyes on my fingers as I picked at my nails.

Nick scoffed, going back to straightening up the counter. “Of course I am. Like we'd really be that stupid to keep anything involving those assholes in here. The fucking cop even had the balls to tell me that he expected to find them in here.” Shaking his head, he meticulously set the coffee pot and toaster back in their respective places.

“I wouldn't be so sure.” Instantly I wanted to shove my foot into my mouth. I shouldn't have said that, but it came out on its own.

Birch walked towards me, taking the seat at my side. “What do you mean? Did they say they found something? What do they know, Cyprus?”

Shrugging my shoulder, I couldn't look him in the eyes. “No, it's just that after what happened at the beach, how can you be so sure that they didn't find anything? There was a contract with Antoine's signature on it, there could be witnesses that saw us driving there or leaving. You don't know for sure what they know.” Slowly, I let my eyes flutter up to meet Birch's. “Maybe they found something you thought they never would.”

His brows dipped in hard, head tilting in wonder. Birch stared at me, questioning what the hell I could mean. His gaze began to shift around my body, as if he was looking for something.

A wire. . . He thinks I'm wearing a wire.

“I'm not tapped if that's what you're thinking.” Holding out my arms, I leaned back in the chair. “Go on, check if you want to.”

“What the fuck are you doing? Why are you talking like this then?” Drawing his thumb over his lip, he flicked his eyes between his father and me. “It's like you're a different person.”

“Oh yeah? Who do you think I am then?”

I wasn't sure exactly what I was trying to do. It was like I wanted to entice him to tell me, but I couldn't spit out the words I really wanted to use. My tongue refused to speak what my brain was telling it to.

Fear. Fear was the binding holding me stagnant. Fear of the truth, fear of the unknown, fear of losing everyone I loved all over again.

I just want to be wrong. Let all of this be wrong.

I wanted to think that maybe they had both been trying to protect me. Maybe it wasn't what I expected it to be at all. Maybe they found me with that diary and were trying to help me heal without reopening the wound.

His name is in there, you can't ignore that.

Fuck! Why the hell did this have to happen?

Why couldn't things have just stayed the way they were?

“What the hell is going on with you, Cyprus? I don't understand—”

“Birch,” Nick snapped, whipping around to face us. “Give the girl time to relax. Of course she isn't herself, she just went through hell with the cops. You got to let it settle. And they didn't find shit, we know better than to leave breadcrumbs for them to follow.”

Nibbling on my thumb, I looked between them. “Is that what you think? Do you think letting it settle is all I need?” Standing up quickly, I felt my eyes begin to tear. “Because right now I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing.” With heavy strides, I stomped to the sliding glass doors and tore them open.

I was a fucking mess and I knew it. I didn't want to be around either one of them right then. I couldn't be.

My mouth was about to go on a rampage of its own and I wasn't sure I'd be able to control it. I knew it wasn't fair for me to just jump down their throats. I wanted to take more time, read the diary over and over to see if my memory would return on its own.

I wantedmymemories of the past and what happened. Even if they weren't good, even if they would change everything I had now, I wanted them.

No more lies, no more bull-shit painted with gold to lead me one way or another.

I didn't want to learn about who I was or what happened from someone else. I wanted to know it for myself, I wanted to see it for myself.

It was time.