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“If you know why you did it, then we’ll be able to move on,” he said.

Before I started shaking my legs also, I stood up and paced around the room. “That’s the problem. I don’t know why. I have to figure out what’s missing inside me. I’m ashamed that I turned to someone else to distract me from my problems and fill my life with excitement. I need to figure out how I can be productive and useful when I don’t have Gia to raise anymore. I need to find happiness within myself, and it can’t be about anyone else.”

“Can’t you do that with me here?”

“No, I’m afraid if I don’t push myself, I’ll fall back into what’s easy. I need to stand on my own for a while.” I walked back over and sat next to him. “I know you haven’t been happy either.”

“That wasn’t about you, or our marriage.”

“So, your not wanting sex anymore wasn’t about me?”

“No. I was just so stressed and tired all the time that sex wasn’t ever on my mind.”

“Well, it’s been on mine.”

“It will be different now. I know what I need to do to be less stressed,” he said. “I’m going to keep my job and not work weekends anymore. Then we can have more time to relax and have fun together, and my sex drive will come back.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Maybe it can be.”

I felt guilty that he was trying so hard, but I was strong in my conviction. “I don’t want you staying in a job that makes you miserable. You need time to figure out if there’s something else for you too.”

Theo began howling at the sound of an airplane flying overhead. Jim whistled, hoping to get him to stop, but Theo ignored him. I sat down on the floor with my back against the couch. Jim got up and sat down next to me.

“How did we get here?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Do you want a divorce?” he asked.

“No, just time.”

“How much time?”

“I can’t answer that.”

Jim’s shoulders drooped. “What if I figure my stuff out, and I move on before you figure out yours?”

“I’ll have to take that chance. If something bad happens to me, I don’t want to regret the life I had,” I said.

Jim got up and helped me to my feet. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he said.

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

“So am I.” He took my hand, and we walked to the door together. He put his hands on my face and gave me a slow, gentle kiss, then walked out the door.