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Jim was finally willing to talk to me about something important, but right now I couldn’t concentrate. I was too distracted by Michael’s date to talk about Gia, or even know who Gia was for that matter.

CHAPTER 17

Over the next few days, Michael texted me a few times, but I didn’t text back. I wasn’t sure how to act around him after seeing him on a date.

“Good morning, Dad,” I said as I entered his room. Lately, I was hesitant every time I saw him because I never knew how he was going to be. And now that he was in the memory care unit, I had to have a nurse unlock the main door for me, so I couldn’t just come and go easily. Dad was sitting in his wheelchair watchingWheel of Fortuneon the television. I was comforted for a moment until he started banging on the remote control. The channel changed, and a nature special came on. He hated nature specials. He loved animals but used to joke that the animals in these shows were actors and weren’t getting paid enough to have to deal with the bad writing. I wanted to connect with him on anything, so I pulled up a chair and sat down. If he wanted to watch a nature show, then that could be our new thing. “I didn’t know you liked elephants, Dad.” He didn’t respond. He was watching so intently that his face had relaxed into a half-smile.

“That baby elephant is cute,” I said. He blinked a few times, but still nothing. In the past we were never not talking about something, so watching in silence was painful.

“Do you have my pills?” he asked, startling me.

“No, Dad.”

“Aren’t you supposed to give them to me now, nurse?”

“Dad, it’s me, Maggie.”

He stared through me. “You’re not Maggie.” He started hitting the button over and over that called the nurse. I stood up, shocked.

A nurse came into the room. “Are you okay, Mr. Rubin? Oh, hi, Maggie,” she said, noticing me.

“This isn’t Maggie,” Dad said, getting agitated. “This woman’s an imposter. She looks like my daughter, but she’s not her. I would know Maggie anywhere.”

The nurse looked at me with such sympathy it made my anguish worse. I had no idea what to do. I pulled out my driver’s license from my wallet and bent down next to him. I held my ID up to my head. “See, Margaret Dolin, and that’s my name and address. Look, that’s my picture.”

Dad shook his head, refusing to look at it. “I don’t care what it says. You aren’t my daughter.” I was dumbfounded. He had no idea who I was.

The nurse put Dad’s pills in his mouth and helped him take a drink. She told him she’d come back soon to check on him again. She put her hand on my shoulder for a moment, then left.

“Dad, I love you.”

“I’m not your dad. Why are you still here?” he said to me.

I was speechless. “I’ll go find Maggie,” I stammered and walked to the door hurriedly.

“Wait,” he said, and I turned expectantly. “Can you ask a nurse to bring my medication? They keep forgetting about me.”

“Okay,” I said and got out of there. I collapsed against the wall outside his room and breathed in, trying to get my emotions in check. I could feel myself starting to grieve him, and he was still alive. If I let one tear escape, I’d be a mess, so I pushed down the sobs that had begun to rise in my throat. I ducked into the nearest bathroom and splashed water on my face. It didn’t help. I looked in the mirror and relaxed my facial muscles into a smile. If I pretended to be happy, maybe my face would get the message, although I ended up looking like the Cheshire Cat.

I waited as long as I could, then asked a nurse to unlock the door of the memory ward for me. As I left, Jerry was walking in my direction. I didn’t think my day could get any more painful. I had the worst luck when it came to running into him.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I had a meeting with Dad’s doctor.”

“Why?”

“Mom gets confused by all the information, so she asked me to step in and then explain things to her.”

“I could’ve done that. You don’t care about Dad the way I do,” I said.

“I care, even if we don’t have a great relationship.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Both of ours.”

“You’re always angry at him.”