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“Fine, then Jim would have to. Can you afford two households? You might have to stop buying shoes and food.”

“I get it. I’m not going to leave Jim.”

“Good. Then promise you’ll stay away from Michael.”

“Fine.” I wasn’t sure if I meant it, but it got her off my case. She threw the list at the trash can under my desk. I stood up, and the blanket dropped to the floor.

“Talk to Jim and work this out.” What did she think I’d been doing for the last six months? “I better go. I still have an errand to run before I go to the office,” she said. “Then again, if I left Sam, I wouldn’t have to pick up his prescriptions.” She stood up and pulled me into a hug, but I wasn’t in a hugging mood, so I just stood there, stiff.

After she was gone, I thought about what she said. If I had to give up Michael, I needed to find something else to keep me busy. I decided to get up the nerve to call Lorna, and officially ask for my old job back. After months of looking online and either not finding anything or never hearing back, I might as well try. I practiced what I wanted to say, and then I dialed a phone number I’d never forgotten.

“Lorna Danzig, please. Tell her it’s Maggie Dolin. Yes, I’ll hold.” Even though the horn of the commuter train in the distance was faint, it vibrated through me and pierced the quiet in the woods outside the house.

“Maggie, how are you?” Lorna chirped a few moments later.

“I’m good. I wanted to talk to you about something. I’ve been thinking seriously about getting back in the work force and wanted to see if there was anything at Shier and Boggs.” I held my breath, waiting for what seemed like an hour for her to answer.

“Oh … we aren’t hiring. In fact, we just laid off a bunch of people. The publishing business isn’t what it used to be. I wish I could help, you know how fond I am of you.”

“No problem, just thought I’d throw it out there.”

“If you need a reference, I’d be happy to write one. Now, promise you’ll call me soon about that lunch.”

“I will.”

I hung up. I knew it had been a slim chance, but hearing her say no made it final. If someone who knew me wouldn’t hire me, why would someone who didn’t? I felt so defeated, and I needed to get out of the house before I began spiraling. Even running errands was better than sitting here. I went to the market, then to the bank, and on my way home, I was driving by the high school when I saw Gia walking into the parking lot with Jason. There wasn’t anyone else around, and she was supposed to be in class. This day couldn’t get any worse. The two of them got into Jason’s car and drove away. I ducked so she wouldn’t see me. When a loud honking from behind startled me, I realized I’d stopped in the middle of the street. I thought about following them, but I didn’t see which direction they went.

As I pulled into my driveway, Michael called. He wanted to take me out for that drink for helping with his mother. I hesitated when I heard Ellen’s voice in my head telling me to stay away from him. And maybe if I got my old job back, or my dad remembered my name, or my husband wanted more to do with me, I would’ve listened to her. But what did she know? I’d gone to his apartment and nothing happened, so why would one drink in a public place be an issue?

A little later, I found myself sitting in a sleazy bar. Well, I didn’t find myself there; I put myself there. It was unlike me to be carefree and wild, and in a bar in the middle of the day. Then again, I was nursing a club soda, so how wild was I being?

Murphy’s Pub was inside an old bowling alley in the next town over. It was a hole in the wall that hadn’t been touched since 1975, and that was probably only to buy a new jukebox. None of my or Jim’s friends bowled, and if they did, they’d go to the nicer alley near our house, so I wasn’t worried I’d run in to anyone. There were three televisions on the walls, one with a football game, one with a surfing competition, and one on CNN. A half dozen men were milling around, and at a table near the bar were two women loudly scrutinizing them. They thought one was too fat, one was too hairy, and one looked like a serial killer. I thought the serial killer was kind of cute, but I avoided making eye contact because flirting with one man was my limit. When I drummed my fingers on the bar, one of the women gave me a dirty look, so I took out my phone and pretended to be doing something important. I was playing Words with Friends with an old classmate from high school whom I hadn’t seen in twenty years. I threw down letters randomly and got twenty points for the wordotitis, which I had no idea was a word.

Then my phone rang. Was Michael canceling on me? Being stood up in a nice restaurant would be bad, but being stood up in a dive bar would be tragic.

The caller turned out to be Ellen. “Hi, I left my umbrella at your house this morning. Can I run by in about fifteen minutes and get it?”

“No.”

“Oh, you’re not home?”

“I’m home. Why do you think I’m not at home? I’m sitting in my kitchen having iced tea.”

“Then why can’t I come by?”

“Because I’m at Murphy’s Pub waiting for Michael.” It was impossible for me to lie to her.

“Seriously? What happened between this morning and now?”

“Nothing. He asked me to meet him for a drink.”

“You said this wasn’t going to continue.”

“It’s just one drink.”

“I think you’re making a mistake.”

“Then it’s mine to make.” Michael opened the door and walked into the dark room. The sunlight that surrounded him gave him an angelic aura. “Gotta go, talk to you later.” I dropped my phone in my purse. Michael came up beside me. His hair was wet as if he’d just showered. He gave me a hug and sat down. Those picky women looked him over. Ha! There was nothing to criticize about this guy. I gave them a dismissive nod, and they turned around.