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“Why do I feel like I owe you an apology?”

“You don’t. It’s hard being that age. I worry about Gia dating boys like that because they really messed up my self-confidence.”

“I can’t imagine you with low self-confidence. You’re incredible,” he said. I was touched, even if he was just saying it to be nice. “You’re even more incredible than I am, and I’m a great catch,” he said with an adorable smirk. I was eating up the flattery and was so enthralled that I didn’t realize how long I’d been there. If I stayed any longer, I didn’t know how I’d explain my absence to Jim, let alone the parking ticket I was going to get.

“I think I should go.” I picked up my purse and headed to the door.

“Wait.” He took an unopened bottle of wine off his counter. “I want you to have this wine. I think you’ll like it.”

“You don’t need to give me anything.”

“They had a two-for-one special, and I want to return your coupon favor.”

“That’s really thoughtful. Thank you.”

He hugged me. His strong arms pulled me close, so close I couldn’t feel any space between us. I wondered if I’d looked up at that moment, would we have kissed? My head was spinning. I wished he’d kissed me, and I was glad he didn’t.

Jim greeted me as I walked in our front door. “Hey,” he said.

I nonchalantly sniffed myself to see if I smelled like another man’s apartment. “Hey.” I put the wine down on the counter.

“What’s with the red wine? You hate red wine.”

“I thought it was time to try something new.” He opened the bottle and poured both of us a glass. “Isn’t it a little early for wine?” I said.

“Neither of us is going anywhere, so it’s fine.” I knew you weren’t supposed to chug wine, but I did anyway. “This is really good. How did you hear about it?” he asked.

“The man in the store suggested it.” Well, a man suggested it; he just was at his home, not in a store. When I thought about the things I could sweep under the rug, it blew me away.

“He has good taste. If you see him again, ask him for other recommendations.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” I said.

He poured himself a little more and went back to his office. The wine was going to my head, which made me feel warm and cozy and not guilty at all.

CHAPTER 14

Iwas naked in my closet, five bras and panties piled at my feet. I loved my closet. It wasn’t large, but I could walk in, close the door, and hide from my family.

Jim and I were leaving on our anniversary trip today. I wanted to have a nice weekend and connect again, which wasn’t going to happen if I slept in my usual sweatpants. Thus, the reason for all these bras and panties. I began to wonder if my banana yellow sweats were the reason that we never had sex. I wanted to have sex the way we did when we were first married, all passion and heat. The last few years the sex was satisfying, but predictable. Once or twice a week after the eleven o’clock news, we’d lie quietly in bed. The room would be completely dark, except for a blue light emanating from the DVR. One of us would reach out to the other, and then afterward, Jim would be snoring, and I’d be wide awake. It had been months since I was kept awake after good sex.

I picked up a pink bra and ran my fingers over the lace. It looked brand new because it was. I bought it two years ago but never wore it because the lace itched. It was pretty, so if it was uncomfortable, I could live with that. I slipped my arms in, then reached around my back and tried to hook it. I kept trying, but it wouldn’t close. Finally, I turned the bra around to the front of my body, hooked it easily, then turned it back around and shoved my breasts inside. Then I picked up the matching panties and put my left leg in, but before I could get my right leg in, I lost my balance and ended up lying on the floor. I was alone in my closet, giggling. As I hadn’t had a good laugh in a long time, I became almost hysterical.

When I stopped laughing, I picked myself up off the ground and pulled the panties the rest of the way up my legs. I gazed at myself in the full-length mirror on the wall. Were those wrinkles in my knees? What happened to my twenty-one-year-old knees? Those knees were killer. At least my butt was fairly tight. I struck a pose, putting on a pouty expression as if I were some sex kitten. As I changed from pose to pose, I wondered if Michael would like my pink bra and panties. Would he like taking them off me? Would he notice my knees? I knew it was totally natural to fantasize about other people while having sex. Except I wasn’t having sex right now.

I was about to go away with my husband, so I had to stop thinking about Michael. Jim was the only man I should be thinking about. My phone rang, and I answered it, my voice echoing in the closet.

“I’m running a little late, I’ll be home in about an hour,” Jim said.

“We were supposed to be on the road in thirty minutes.” My blood pressure was rising.

“It’ll be fine. I only have to pack.” He hung up.

As I got dressed, I took a deep breath and repeated a calming mantra in my head.You will be having sex this weekend; you better be having sex this weekend.

The doorbell rang, and I ran downstairs to answer it. “Am I late?” my mother asked as I opened the door.

“No, Mom, you’re not late. You’re never late.” She came toward me for our obligatory hug. I counted to three in my head and let go.