Page 42

Need a break? I might go to the gym.

He replied:Can’t.Stuck home waiting for a package.

Darn it, I didn’t like working out alone anymore, then he texted:You want to come here?

Yes, I wanted to come there, I wanted that badly, but should I go? The dog park was one thing—it was a public place—but his apartment? That seemed kind of intimate. What message would it send if I came over? Then again, Ellen and I hung out at her house all the time; this could be the same thing. It didn’t have to mean anything if we were just friends, and we never touched each other.

Text me your address, I sent back.

I put on my most flattering jeans and a burgundy scoop-neck T-shirt over a black lace bra and panties. I could’ve kept my old bra and underwear on, but weren’t you supposed to wear clean underwear in case you got in an accident?

I was startled when I found Jim in the kitchen eating a sleeve of graham crackers. He didn’t seem to notice that there were now crumbs all over the counter. “I thought you left for work,” I said, brushing them into my hand and then into the sink.

“I moved my clients to tomorrow and took today off.”

“That’s good. Then you can rest,” I said. He grabbed another graham cracker square and headed to his home office. I was relieved that he didn’t say anything more about quitting. Maybe a day off would do him good.

Gia came downstairs again, trailed by Taylor, who had spent the night. Taylor was wearing slinky pajama shorts that barely covered her butt and a tank top that left little to the imagination. I was glad Jim was in his office.

“I can’t believe you broke up with Brandon. He really liked you,” Gia said as she poured cereal into two bowls and added milk. Their conversation intrigued me, so I tried to blend into the sink as I quietly dried dishes.

“I know, but my new boyfriend is way hotter,” Taylor said. “He’s older, so he knows exactly how to treat a woman. And he loves teaching me things. Sometimes I pretend not to know what he’s talking about because it turns him on to be the expert.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?” Gia took two spoons out of the drawer, and they went back to her room. I was glad I wasn’t Taylor’s mother.

Fifteen minutes later I went to tell Jim I was going out but found his office door closed, which was good because I couldn’t lie directly to his face. I could, however, lie to a closed door.

“I’m going to run some errands. I’ll see you later,” I called out and left before he could reply.

I turned on the car radio, and Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” was on. I sang “Is this the real life, is this just fantasy. …” at the top of my lungs, not caring that I was completely out of tune. I toned down my dance moves when a man in another car pulled up next to me and gave me a thumbs-up. The loud music didn’t drown out the nervous gurgle coming from my stomach. I reminded myself again that Michael and I were just friends, and there was no reason to feel uncomfortable, but my intestines weren’t getting the message. My GPS directed me fifteen minutes away into the next town. The houses turned from Cape Cods to nondescript apartments that resembled state college dorms. They weren’t the nicest apartments, but weren’t writers supposed to suffer for their craft? Michael’s apartment was on a busy street and had one-hour parking. What could happen in an hour? A lot could happen in an hour, but that wasn’t why I was there. I turned my engine off and wondered if I was making a mistake by coming here. While I sat and debated if I should text him an excuse and leave, I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to add more body. I would’ve washed it this morning if I’d known I was going to be seeing him. As I sat in my car, a woman walked by me with three dogs. She eyed me as if I were doing something wrong. Did she know I was a married woman going to another man’s apartment? I got out of my car and smiled at her. A guilty woman wouldn’t smile.

Michael’s duplex was baby blue with a white staircase going up to the second floor. It reminded me of where my grandparents used to live when I was a child. After my grandmother died, my grandfather was no longer happy to see me. When he heard our car, he’d open his front door and just stare. Then he’d grumble the whole time that I was messing up his stuff. I remembered how terrible I’d felt when I left imprints in his shag carpet.

My knees trembled as I climbed the stairs to Michael’s apartment. I rang the bell, and I thought about how you were supposed to bring something the first time you visited someone’s home, and I hadn’t brought anything.

Michael opened the door holding a package of Top Ramen and wearing distressed skinny jeans and a tight V-neck white T-shirt. When Jim wore a V-neck, there was always hair peeking out, but there was no hair coming out of Michael’s shirt. Did he shave his chest? Or wax? Or was he just naturally hairless?

“Hi. Come on in.” I was disappointed to hear that his neighbor had taken J.Lo for a walk. His living room was small but homey and opened to an even smaller kitchen. Half-empty bottles of water were on the kitchen counter, and a painting of Superman giving the finger hung on the wall above the table. A laundry basket sat in the middle of the living room floor, and a pile of newspapers were stacked on the coffee table.

“Sorry about the mess,” he said, pushing the laundry up against the wall.

“No worries.” I liked his mess; it was liberating. It reminded me of my first apartment I shared with my best friend. That was before I became a neat freak. The television was tuned to a USC/UCLA football game.

“Do you want some soup?” he asked as he tore open the package of ramen and poured it into a saucepan. He added water and put it on the stove.

“No, thanks,” I replied. I hadn’t eaten Top Ramen since college.

“Do you mind if I eat? I’m starving.”

“Of course not,” I said.

He turned the burner on to simmer and then led me to the couch. “Do you want to get high?” He pulled a joint out of a drawer in the coffee table.

“No, thanks.” I hadn’t smoked since before Gia was born. He put the joint on top of the table, directly in front of me. Did he think I’d change my mind?

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said.

“I needed to get out of my house for a while.”