Page 77 of With Stars in Her Eyes

“She’snotgoing to think that.” Sam laughed. “Gosh, you really did double down on the bird thing, didn’t you?”

“And yes, Demetrius has given me no end of mocking about the bird thing.”

“Sorry.” Sam snorted.

“What if I try and can’t? Seriously, if that happens, I might melt into a puddle.”

“You did that prerecorded live thing while you were in New York? It seemed like that went okay, right?”

“That was different. It didn’t feel the same as getting on the stage for a big show. The next tour isarenas. A-re-nas.” I dug my fingertips into my furrowed forehead lines. “How am I supposed to know if I can do that? What if I choke? My PTSD is so bad from that one fucking night that the idea of standing in front of another audience makes me want to throw up even when Idon’thave a migraine flare.”

“You’re spiraling, Courtney.”

“I’m well aware.” I swallowed and then coughed as if I’d choked on my thoughts.

Sam rubbed the space between my shoulder blades. “And I might have one idea for the acute PTSD thing, but it’s a little unconventional.”

“Unconventional, how exactly?”

The front concrete stoop of my rental house wasn’t exactly a comfortable spot to be lying on, but something about the rough surface appealed to my anxious masochism. I looked again at the small baggie that Sam had brought by earlier. There were two capsules in it. And I wasn’t sure what to do with them.

Apparently, both Jeannie and Marshall’s father, a former pharmacist, had been researching some botanical pharmaceuticals as part of a research study with the university. A very interesting and slightly shocking side gig.

My phone was in time-out inside the house. Ignoring Demetrius’s calls was getting harder and harder. Since Thea was out of town there wasn’t really anyone I wanted to talk to. Since Sam and Abbott were trying to get pregnant, Sam wasn’t going to be able to take a dose with me. I had spent the day doing research on how they worked for PTSD and depression and reading personal accounts of people who had tried them. There was even a recent study showing a reduction of migraine attacks.

But as much as I thought I had put enough time and distance between who I was now and the pathologically people-pleasing, black-and-white-thinking church girl, I was hesitating. Any time I made a choice like this, I ended up with days of some kind of existential dread. Like I was waiting for the retaliatory supernatural punishment.

I pushed the bag into my pocket.

Birds were singing and the breeze was mild for June. It was so bright I wore my backup stage glasses. I wished I could nap. I hadn’treallyslept in days. I sighed melodramatically and put my arms beneath me as a makeshift pillow.

“Hi, Courtney.”

My eyes popped open. Maybe Ihadfallen asleep, because I felt strangely disoriented as I stood, but maybe I was just weak at the knees.

Because Thea Quinn stood on the sidewalk looking stunning with all five dimples on display, her brown eyes full of mischievous heat.

“What happened with the wedding shower thing?”

Thea whistled low. “Salacious scandal. Bride walked in on some major shenanigans between the groom and hermotherlast night. The mother, by the way, is my mother’s friend in addition to almost having been my brother’s law partner’s almost mother-in-law.” She paused as if rethinking the sentence and making sure she had gotten all those words right, then gave a tiny nod. “This is a country club scandal the likes of which I have never heard of before. Called the whole thing off. The bride sent me a big online payment of cash from her mom as an apology for me driving halfway back for no reason, and I turned around.”

“Whoa.”

“So I have a couple of free days, and an unexpected windfall. Want to go on a field trip?”

“Oh, fuck yes.”

“Good with being out late?” She extended her hand.

I grabbed it and pulled her into a hug. “Always.”

CHAPTER 26Thea

I smirked as I accelerated onto Route 335.

“So… where are we going?” Courtney’s tongue was red from her cherry Slurpee, her green eyes full of excitement.

“Patience.”