Page 56 of With Stars in Her Eyes

Courtney

“Give me another reason. Maybe I’ll believe that one,” Demetrius said.

“I already told you the reason why I want to say it was all a story. I don’t want it to be my story. I don’t want to tour. I can’t do anything about the leaked tracks, but maybe—”

“Telling it as your story is what you always wanted. It was what we thought they would never offer with the way the industry is now, and you have it. You have the kind of contract people would literally commit murder to get.” He paced under the tree.

“What’s going on in your head? Walk me through it because I don’t understand how you can throw this away. ”

Several more texts from unknown numbers had come in on my phone.

They repeated the threats from before if I didn’t deny that the leaked songs were autobiographical.

My career wasn’t worth putting Demetrius’s at risk.

He loved it so much. I loved writing music, being onstage, and performing, but he loved all of it.

He loved the fame. He had enough charm to fill an arena, and I would not risk fucking that up.

If he knew about the threats though, he was stubborn enough to make a rash decision at his own expense.

“I… I don’t.” I sucked in a breath. “I have a good thing going here with a woman I’m dating.

I don’t want to be long distance. She’s a put-down-roots person.

How can I tell her I’m going to be gone for months and months when things with her are just starting?

” The words trembled. I had meant it to be an excuse he couldn’t argue with, but as soon as I voiced them, some cold, slinking thing threatened to crawl its way up my throat.

“I don’t want to be the kind of person who always puts my career…

my music first… because then I might never…

But no… Ms. Jeannie was right. Goddamn it.

” The fear of losing Thea was real, but the anxious dread about being like my parents wasn’t rational.

That was different. Those thoughts weren’t about me at all.

“Who is Ms. Jeannie and what does she have to do with you not going on tour?” Frustration filled Demetrius’s voice. “You aren’t making any sense.”

Choosing to fight for my career and my dreams wouldn’t mean I was like my parents. Because even as the fear threatened to burst out of me, a realization shone as bright as the sunset in front of me. It took their power.

Talking it through with Thea had given me the final key I needed.

I had been wrong about my biggest fear. It might have been my impulse to say that I feared losing my career the most, but my career had never meant more to me than the people I loved.

It was why Jeremiah’s threats had worked.

It’s why he knew they would work. Jeremiah had been using the fact I wasn’t like my parents.

It had only worked because even he had known that I was nothing like them.

If I was forced to choose between the people I loved and my career, I would always choose the people I loved.

I would choose Demetrius.

I would choose Nic. Sam.

And Thea.

But the people in my life who loved me would love me enough to want me to fight for my dreams.

“Might never what?”

“What?” I had lost the thread of the conversation with my realization.

“You said, ‘I don’t want to be the kind of person who always puts my career… my music first… because then I might never…’ and then you just started talking about Ms. Jeannie.”

“I… I just realized something.” I nearly laughed. “I would. I would do it, and it would be easy.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I—”

I had been scared of Thea seeing behind the curtain because I had spent too long thinking of myself as a fractured disaster, but that was a lie I was telling myself .

All my different spheres and eras didn’t make a patched-up disaster of a person. I was whole because of everything and in spite of everything I had been through. My biggest fear about falling in love was that all I had to offer anyone were broken pieces.

But underneath the costumes and the stage names, Courtney Starling always had a whole, fiercely beating heart.

And all of it already belonged to Thea.

Because I was in love with her.

“I would give it up, my career, and everything else if I needed to for the people I love. I love Thea, and if she needed me to give it all up, I would. It wouldn’t even be a tough choice.”

“But the people you love would never ask you to, Courtney.” The sudden coldness in Thea’s voice had me spinning around so fast I nearly tripped over a tree root.

“Thea—”

“I think I’ll let you talk it out, then, darlings. See you at Sam’s.” Demetrius scampered off faster than I had ever seen him walk.

Coward.

Thea’s arms crossed over her chest. “I really don’t appreciate you making me the scapegoat for quitting.” Her voice was cool, eyes nearly black in the growing dim.

“I wasn’t . I’m so sorry. You heard the worst part of that conversation. I just figured something out.”

“I heard you telling Demetrius that you don’t think I would support your dreams.”

“I know it sounded like that, but I swear it wasn’t—”

“ Stop .”

I nearly laughed again at the absurdity of this. It was comical how close I had come to fixing things right before screwing them up again . “You said you hate the miscommunication trope, so if you just let me explain—”

“I said stop.” Thea leveled me with a gunmetal glare. “I want an honest yes or no answer to this. Were you just now in that single conversation with Demetrius using our relationship as an excuse to quit something that you actually want to do?”

Fuck .

“Yes.”

“Then tell Samantha I’m sorry, but I can’t come over tonight because—”

“But I—”

“Good god, Courtney. I’m going to let you explain, but what I was going to say is that I’m too tired tonight.

My brain has whiplash from all these emotional moments with you in the last twelve hours.

I’m going to go home and see my best friend who’s dealing with a crisis of his own.

I just need a little time. I think I deserve that. ”

“You do.” My throat was so thick with anxiety I could barely swallow. “I’m so sorry, Thea.”

“I believe you are.” Thea swept her hair out of her face. “Today has just been too much.”

“I know. And it’s all my fault.”

“And if we’re actually going to communicate about this and not miscommunicate, I need to be less fucked up about it and less tired.”

I nodded.

Thea turned and walked down the sidewalk toward the parking lot behind Squid.

No heartbreak had prepared for me the agony of hearing that single repressed sob escaping Thea right before she turned the corner.

I grabbed my phone and tapped on Demetrius’s number. It went straight to voicemail, so I texted.

I need to set up a meeting with the whole band as soon as possible.

I headed to Sam’s to tell her the full story of what Jeremiah was threatening to do and explain why I had nearly fallen for it.