Page 40 of With Stars in Her Eyes

Courtney

I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. Had the heat gone out? Why was it so cold when it was almost summer?

“Wake up, baby.” Thea’s coaxing voice was at my ear.

I rolled over, but the creaking beneath me was a reminder I was in a chair and not my bed. “What time…?” The question was lost in a yawn. More birds were chirping than before.

“We both fell asleep for a few hours. I’ve gotten everything packed up. Still a couple hours away from dawn, but you’re shivering. I think we should start back.” Thea kissed my forehead. “You’re freezing. It’s breezy, and I think it dipped into the fifties.”

My brain woke up enough to register the idling engine behind me.

“The car’s probably warm now.” Thea nodded at the door. “Go get in, and I’ll be there in a few seconds.”

“What are you doing?”

“I think I can see a couple planets pretty clearly because the clouds didn’t roll in. I’m going to see if I can get a few good shots before we leave.”

Thea’s dark eyes glowed, and I recognized that glow.

It was the same one I saw in my bloodshot eyes while up too late songwriting or planning.

Thea bent over the telescope and made adjustments I had no hope of understanding in a million years.

I was getting shakier by the moment, so I folded up the chair and leaned it against the back of the SUV next to Thea’s chair.

The heat inside the car was glorious. My phone was dead, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even want to know the time.

Last night felt like something so precious and righteously stolen amidst the clutter and chaos waiting for me everywhere else. I leaned the seat back and watched Thea’s silhouette until my eyes closed again without asking permission.

“Almost home, Courtney.”

“What? How?” I rubbed my eyes. “I was going to wake up and offer to drive.”

“You were out .”

I was also sweating. I had been so cold that I kept the blankets wrapped around me when I got in the car.

My mouth felt disgusting too, and it’d been a while since I had been so in need of a shower.

Everything was too bright. I fumbled in my backpack for my sunglasses and nearly poked myself in the eye the first time I tried to put them on.

“Want to come inside at my place and get some sleep?”

Thea moaned. “God, yes.”

After Thea pulled up to the curb, it took us several trips to get all the camera equipment inside, but given how warm it was supposed to be today, Thea said it was essential. I led her upstairs. As soon as Thea saw the bed, she shed her outer clothes and fell into it.

It wasn’t exactly how I’d expected to get this woman into my actual bed for the first time, but I wasn’t going to complain. After I made a quick stop at the bathroom, I threw on an oversized shirt and fell into bed beside her, nestling my body to hers underneath my old comforter.

My mind felt too heavy for sleep. I replayed my memories of Thea talking about how everything else seemed to fall away because of how much she loved her art and the stars.

For the first time ever, I let myself fully imagine my life if I never played with Demetrius again.

I had been shutting this down for so long.

But I gave in to visualizing a future where I never played on a stage again.

A life where all my dreams faded. The industry would forget me so quickly, but that didn’t hurt as much as the idea of never getting to share these songs I had poured my heart and rage and hope into.

The idea made me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

But.

Trying again and failing again…

It had almost broken me the first time.

If it happened again, I didn’t know if I could survive seeing my dreams die onstage in front of thousands of people a second time.

This tour was going to be even bigger. I would be an official opener.

People would know my real name, and if I failed now there would be no running from it. I couldn’t hide anymore.

I curled closer into Thea.

Maybe I could be happy right here with her. I could play in a local orchestra. I could find a different dream. Maybe I would go back to working for musicians doing string section drops for other people’s albums. Maybe I could have a life here.

The idea of being with Thea and waking up beside her every day might be enough of a gift that maybe I wouldn’t miss my old dreams. It certainly scared me less than trying to go back and be Kestrel again and risk another catastrophic performance.

Maybe Thea wouldn’t even be interested in being with me if I needed to tour again.

That wasn’t a life many people wanted. Demetrius had dealt with lots of failed relationships because of how often he toured.

I still needed to get a handle on my PTSD though, no matter what I decided. I didn’t want to be waking Thea up with nightmares all the time.

I was getting ahead of myself.

I forced my breaths to slow and let my mind drift to happier places and starry skies and beautiful passages of music and perfectly hit notes and harmonies.

When I woke again Thea was still sleeping.

I slipped out of bed and took an epic shower in the downstairs bathroom so I wouldn’t wake her.

Most of the groceries I had bought a million years ago right before getting served on my doorstep were still on the counter.

Thea would probably be starving when she woke up, and I owed her potatoes and cupcakes.

I was on my second cup of coffee when Thea came down the stairs. Her hair was damp from her own shower.

“Thank you for leaving that extra toothbrush out for me.” Thea grinned and sniffed. “What smells amazing?”

I pulled a warmed cast-iron skillet out of the oven. The cozy aroma of peppers and roasting potatoes filled the tiny kitchen. I had just finished slathering icing on the cupcakes as well, so Thea’s timing could not have been better on coming down.

“Happy brunch.” I gestured to the counter.

“Cupcakes and potatoes?” Thea leaned to get a closer look. The empty red tub of icing was still out. She stuck a finger in it and sucked the icing off in a way that made me acutely aware of the fact I didn’t get my own orgasm last night due to Kansas Ranger Rick’s coyote warning.

“In my opinion, cupcakes are just very self-actualized muffins.” I smirked. “The potatoes are breakfast potatoes though. I got the recipe from Ms. Jeannie, and it’s a winner. Are you okay with spicy?”

“Books or breakfast?” Thea winked.

“Both I guess.”

“Yes. Spicier the better.”

I exhaled in relief. “Good because I’m pretty sure I got distracted and doubled the cayenne. And the garlic.”

“The garlic amount listed in a recipe is meant to be tripled at least.”

I pulled Thea into a hug. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

Thea kissed my nose. “Icing.”

“Oh, whoops.” I grabbed a kitchen towel to clean off any residual stickiness.

“I didn’t mind.” Thea grabbed the spoon from the icing and licked it clean.

This was going to give me a very particular relationship with Betty Crocker in the future.

It was probably too soon to ask if I could lick icing off Thea’s tits and licking it off anywhere else seemed like a yeast infection waiting to happen. But a gal could dream, couldn’t I?

“Want to watch part of the first episode of Colin Firth? We didn’t get our date the other night, so how about a breakfast reattempt?” I grabbed the remote off the counter and held it up in question.

“Sounds good.”

We filled our plates and headed to the couch.

“This house is so cute. It’s a rental?” Thea asked.

I clicked to Pride and Prejudice . “Yes. Partially furnished. It’s owned by an older lady. Friend of Sam’s grandpa. I love her stuff. It’s like a little time capsule.”

“The bathroom is adorable with the green tile.” Thea took a bite of potatoes. “ Ermygawd .”

“They’re okay?”

“Divine. Celestial. Heavenly.”

“How many years of higher education did you go to exactly?”

She grimaced. “Nine.”

“Nerd.”

“Are you still a nerd if you don’t actually use much of your education?” Thea popped a forkful of potatoes into her mouth.

“I think that makes it worse actually.”

“The potatoes pair perfectly with the cupcakes too. Sweet and spicy. Oh, um is there—”

“Coffee. Yes.” I twitched my head at the coffee table. “Yours is there. You take it black, right?”

“Sure do. Thank you.”

We nestled down together and ate while the familiar music played. This had been a staple in my dorm room at Yale. During exams, Pride and Prejudice , either version, played over and over again because Sam found the music and the language calming. I tended to like anything that was familiar.

Our plates were empty when the episode ended.

Thea seemed more awake than before, and she eyed my cello in the corner of the dining room.

“You saw me do my thing last night. When do I get to see you play?”

I frowned at the instrument. “Um… I don’t know.”

“Can you play something now?”

“I feel like if I play for you, it will be like being a douchey frat guy whipping out a guitar on a first date to play ‘Wonderwall’ while the girl sits awkwardly trying to figure out where the nearest exit is.”

“Yep. It will be just like that.” Thea gave me a little go-ahead-and-get-to-it gesture.

With a slightly exasperated huff, I stood. I washed my hands and then sat on the stool, touching the strings tentatively at first. I tuned quickly, still unsure what I would play.

I bowed a couple notes with a cocked eyebrow at Thea.

She burst into laughter. “I didn’t mean to play ‘Wonderwall,’ you goofball. Play something you like to play.”

I considered Thea for a moment, thinking about our time together last night.

The sheet music I wanted ended up being at the bottom of a very disorganized bin, but I pulled it out and set it on the stand.

It had been a long time since I played it, so I would probably muck it up. I would give it a shot for Thea.