Page 17 of With Stars in Her Eyes

Thea

It was two o’clock on Tuesday, my typical lunch break time on days I had morning appointments.

Cartoon anvils were yanking on my eyelids, but I forced myself to keep editing the photos from the family events this weekend.

My sister’s friend’s bridal shower and my mom’s best friend’s step-granddaughter’s bat mitzvah were done.

I just had the family vacation in April and then three more events to go before I was done with everything I had scheduled before putting my Blundstone-clad foot down about all the free photography services.

Every time I slogged through editing repetitive posed scenes, I remembered why I hated this kind of photography.

It was why I didn’t want photography to be work at all.

The slapping thump of a pile of books landing on the counter behind me nearly made my half-somnolent ass fall off my stool.

A firm hand slid onto my arm. “Steady there.” Courtney’s green eyes met mine.

My breath caught in my chest. “Hi.”

“You okay? You’re a bit wobbly and look a little tired. Not in the— damn —I didn’t mean you look tired in a bad way…”

I put her out of her misery. “Oh, I am tired.”

“When did you get back from your trip?”

“Too late to be night and not quite morning.”

“Christ, I’m sorry. Traffic?”

“No. Just family stuff.”

Courtney rested her elbow on the pile of books. “ Bad family stuff?”

“Dumb family stuff. There was a huge blowup at dinner because I put my foot down about not wanting to take photos at my brother’s law firm partner’s wedding as a favor to them.

It seemed like everyone thought I would change my mind.

After that, my mom kept me talking long after I should have been on the road because she said she needed to calm down before she had to start worrying about me driving such a long distance alone. ”

Well, that was way more detail than she’d asked for. I was normally the person word-vomited at, not the one word-vomiting.

“That’s right, Sam told me you were a photographer.” Courtney considered. “Wait… did they want you to take photos at someone’s wedding for free?”

I sighed. “Yeah.”

“Why the fuck would anyone do that?”

“My thoughts exactly.” I covered my face and imagined my life when I made it to June, after my last obligatory family event. I would be free . “God, I can’t wait to be done.”

“With?”

“All the events I said I’d do. Basically all my days off between now and June are filled because when I first took this job it wasn’t supposed to start until June, so I thought—ugh.

I’m rambling.” I rubbed my eyes, but the action had no effect on my too-loose vocal cords.

“I feel like I’m really good at keeping boundaries with everyone except my mom.

This vacation I’m going on with them in April will be more of the same.

They’ll want me to capture their moments, and it ends up that I’m the one who has taken all the photos in the frames around my parents’ house. I’m not the one in them.”

“Oh…”

“Gosh, that sounded more bitter than I meant for it to. They just… they’ve had weddings and babies, and even last year when we went—this is kind of an annual thing—I had one single thing I wanted to do at the beach.

One thing, and I didn’t get to do it because I got sucked into taking family photos at dawn on the day the skies were clear enough.

” I ran a hand through my hair. “My family won’t even come visit me here.

They’ll go all over for everyone else’s stuff.

One of my sisters is in Atlanta, but my mom still won’t even pick a date to come visit me here over the summer. ”

“That sucks.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be complaining about this.”

“I can’t sympathize—or empathize? I can never remember which is which.

I don’t have family like that. But I have Nic—Nic’s my cousin.

Lives in Texas but visits here a lot. About to come stay with me for a couple weeks actually.

And Sam. And…” That same haziness glistened in Courtney’s eyes as before.

She blinked a few times, and it was gone.

“And I know they would drive to the ends of the earth if I needed them. And it’s shitty that your people can’t squeeze in a visit.

” She paused. “What kind of photography do you actually like doing?”

“I like journalistic stuff and nature.”

“Do you do that as a side gig?”

Exhaustion infused a hint of bitterness into my laughter.

“ No… When I figured out that I could never make a living at it because the odds of becoming an astrophotographer or editorial photographer are basically zero… I never wanted to risk it becoming a slog. I never wanted to risk the magic. I do it for fun on my own terms.”

An odd expression had come over Courtney’s face. Her eyes went unfocused for a second, but then she smiled broadly with a small nod. “And so hopefully during the blowup last night, you told them to go to hell about doing more free photography work?”

I flinched.

“Thea… you didn’t…”

Her saying my name was the hottest thing ever, and it nearly distracted me from answering.

“Please say you did not change your mind about it.”

“Nope. I held firm.”

Courtney narrowed her eyes at me, sensing there was something off.

“Okay, I compromised and said I’d come and take photos at this big pre-wedding shower-slash-reunion thing they were having instead. And before that I have several more events and a heinous country club fiftieth wedding anniversary thing, but then I’m really done.”

“ No…”

“It seemed like a great compromise at the time.” I covered my face with my hands. “It was a whole thing. I’m really, really great at quitting things usually… unless my mom is involved and crying.”

My stomach growled embarrassingly audibly.

“Have you eaten lunch?” Courtney asked.

“No, I’ve been back-to-back since I got in this morning, so I’ll probably run out soon and—”

“Ah.” Courtney pulled out a bag she’d been holding on her shoulder. Before I could muster the energy to protest, she had split her sandwich and dumped half a bag of chips onto the wrapping and pushed everything toward me.

“Are you sure?”

Courtney gave me a look that clearly said Do you even need to ask?

I took a bite, and it was either the best sandwich I had ever eaten or I was starving.

Courtney snapped a chip with her tongue in a very distracting way. “Were there any good parts of the weekend?”

“Yes.” The sandwich really was giving me a newfound burst of happy energy. “I got some reading done this weekend. I read the book I bought the other day, and then I started reading a Jane Austen from my mom’s shelf. It was either that or an Amish romance, and I wasn’t ready for that.”

“Which Austen?” Courtney sorted the chips in her small pile using an organizational method I didn’t understand.

“ Persuasion .” I wiped my fingers clean of any potential sandwich grease and picked up a book from the pile Courtney had set on the desk. It was a clinch cover with two women in each other’s arms. “You know what I like the most about these historical period romance books?”

“What?”

“No one is dissecting the number of exclamation marks in a text message. It’s letters or”—I cleared my throat—“or stopping in to call,” I said in a British accent.

“Everyone reading ‘half-agony, half-hope’ knows exactly what Captain Wentworth was saying. Honestly, it makes my approach to dating feel validating.” The last sentence was more mutter to myself than anything.

Courtney’s eyes narrowed. “Your approach to dating?”

“Yep. It started a few years ago and it basically cured my anxiety.”

“Now I feel like you really have to explain.”

“You know how I said I’m good at quitting things?” I flipped through the books one by one.

“I know you said that.”

“So, in relationships in my twenties it tended to be the opposite.”

“What?” Courtney looked aghast.

“People quit me.”

Courtney blinked and crumbled a chip between her fingers into potato dust.

I shrugged. “And usually, they didn’t tell me they were doing it. It’s more of the text messages space out further and further until they stop kind of thing. Or worse, we finally get close and then they just ghost me completely.”

“Dickwads.”

I shrugged. “It started making me really anxious about my phone and gave me an unhealthy addiction to having it on me and being available all the time. So, after a lot of soul-searching, I decided to channel my best skill in a new way.”

“Your best skill?”

“Quitting.”

“So…”

“I don’t do the texting thing with people I like.”

“At all?”

“Nope. And I don’t miss it. There’s so much less uncertainty. I don’t have to interpret tone. I don’t have to wonder if a person actually likes me in the way I want to be liked. My phone stopped feeling like a time bomb in my purse.”

“If someone wants to talk to you? Like they want to date you…”

“They can call and talk for real. Or they could write me a note.”

Courtney grinned. “So basically you prefer dating in analog?”

I chuckled. “It sounds silly when you put it like that. But digital dating never got me very far, so I guess yes. I’ll talk on the phone because then I can hear tone, and the extra effort it takes tends to weed out people who aren’t that interested.

” I flipped through the pages of the book I planned on starting first. “If people say they’re going to show up somewhere and then they just don’t appear, instead of having to field a bunch of inauthentic apology texts, I just have a nice drink or a nice meal with dessert first, and then I leave feeling like I dodged a bullet. ”

“Wow…”

I risked a glance at Courtney, trying to gauge her reaction. “ Obviously if I was superserious about someone, I’d let them text me. It’s just in the initial stages I like having some pretty firm boundaries about it.”

“So…” Courtney leaned forward. “If someone met you… and they wanted to see you more… what would you recommend in lieu of asking for your number at first?”

My mouth angled to the side as my cheeks heated. “I guess I’d recommend maybe sharing sandwiches at consistent intervals.”

“ Oh? ”

“And maybe some strategic use of the written word when the opportunity presents itself.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

For the next thirty minutes, we chatted away about books and my silly family drama until the food was gone, and the door opened for my next appointment.

Courtney left the stack of books for me on the counter, and I was left spending the rest of the day wishing I had just broken my rules and given her my goddamned phone number.