Page 49 of With Stars in Her Eyes

Courtney

Demetrius sipped coffee out of one of my landlady’s Snoopy mugs at the kitchen table as if he hadn’t detonated a bomb in my life ten seconds ago.

I paced back and forth between the living room and kitchen. “You said if I came back to New York and did everything I was contracted to do for the album you’d let me make my own decision about this. And I told you yesterday I don’t need more time. I’m not coming back right now, and now—”

“I know.” He shook his head. “But it just… leaked. And now—”

“ How though?” I gestured to the table as if something tangible sat there toward which I could direct whatever anger/fear/shock chaos was tangled into my brain.

“I can’t.” Needing to soothe my dry mouth, I grabbed the mug of tea he must have set out for me and swallowed too quickly, which sent a sear of pain down my throat. “I can’t .”

“You looked so good in New York. Your eyes are brighter. You told me you wouldn’t lie to me about the migraines ever again.” His eyes betrayed a hint of panic. “Are you hiding symptoms aga—”

“I’m not hiding anything. I learned that lesson… in pretty grand fashion if you remember.” I tapped my nails on the mug handle. “No… I mean—uh—physically I guess I’m finally doing much better. It’s more predictable at least. But the music leaked with my—”

“Name. Full name. Everything is out there. But Courtney… people love it. They love it.” His cheeks spread into a smile that was impossible to resist, but it looked too hopeful. That kind of hope hurt. “Everyone knows who you are now, so I thought maybe—”

“Richard did this, didn’t he?”

“No. He wouldn’t. He might be a little Machiavellian, but he knows I would fire him for this. He thinks it was someone at the label protecting the investment and trying to force your hand.”

“ Shit .” My tea rippled in front of me. Was my hand shaking? “I’m probably going to have them forever, and the medications are working… but I just don’t know if I can do it.”

“Because of the migraines?” He knocked on the table once. “Or is it something else?”

“The migraines… The bad days still happen, but they’re more manageable. I’ve been working full-time here. Playing… too… just at home though. I didn’t have an attack after playing with the band in New York. It’s not the migraines… or it’s not just the migraines…”

“I just… I still don’t understand why you lied to me about them.” I knew Demetrius so well I heard the bite of frustration in his voice beneath the charm.

“I’m sorry.” I sat across from him and swirled my tea. “I was worried you would freak out and think I couldn’t perform.” My huff of laughter held no humor. “Ironic, I guess. I’m sorry for embarrassing you. How many times do I have to say sorry about LA?”

“You think I’m angry because you embarrassed me in LA?”

“Richard totaled up just how much I cost the label after blowing that show. He sent me an itemized spreadsheet. I don’t blame you for being—”

“Courtney.” Okay, Demetrius might have been irritated before. But now , Demetrius was pissed. Very, very pissed, despite his deliberately calm exterior. “Tell me why you want to scrap the album.”

Because I don’t want to fail again, and if I say yes, Jeremiah will try to ruin you and you deserve to win all the Grammys you’ve been snubbed for over and over and over.

“I… can’t.”

“Tell me you’re making this choice because it’s what you really want.”

I shifted my focus to the sliding glass door. Just beyond it was where Thea and I spent hours last night. “It’s… complicated.”

With a head shake, Demetrius’s expression shifted into his most charming smile, which was somehow a little scarier. “Samantha, nice woman that she is, offered me her guest room tonight so I could spend some time around this lovely town.”

“Demetrius, you cannot be serious.”

“If you won’t tell me what the big obstacle is to you living your dream, I’m going to have to figure it out myself.

Because I saw you light up stage after stage after stage.

You were brilliant in the taping just a few days ago.

I know there’s something else going on. You love it too much not to try again if there wasn’t. ”

I covered my face. “Why are you being so annoying?”

“Because you’ve been like family to me for ten years, and I’m not going to let you throw away your chance to finally get the success you deserve after staying out of the spotlight so much longer than I should have let you.

” He narrowed his eyes. “And because if you won’t tell me the full story, I’m guessing it’s because that full story is going to make me really bloody angry once I figure it out. ”

“I’m happy here. I’ve been so happy here. Isn’t that reason enough to take a break?”

“You know going on tour doesn’t mean you can’t come back, right?”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“Quite.” His eyebrow quirked upward. “All you have to do is explain why, if you’re physically well enough to work at a bookstore, and play like you did last week, you can’t release the record.” His tone had shifted back to the superconfident Demetrius I knew and loved…

“Because I can’t .”

“Lovely. Well then, darling, I’m just going to have to stick around and convince you.” He patted my shoulder and then walked toward the door. “I told Samantha I would meet her and her husband at the local pub for breakfast. I’ll send you the details. Cheers.”

“We’re not— Wait, what? You can’t just… You’re too famous now to—”

Before I could ask him any more questions, the front door slammed behind him.

I flopped back into the chair.

If one more person decided to flee a conversation with me through the nearest exit this morning, I would have to take it personally.

The front door popped open again, jolting me out of the chair to see his smugly grinning face appearing around it.

“You should probably shower and then come meet us. Samantha’s going to show me around the neighborhood incognito.

Then she said there’s some kind of book fair community event this afternoon that seems like a delightful way to experience the local scene.

” He pulled a Royals hat over his hair and slid on a pair of sunglasses in the most cliché of all celebrity half-assed disguises. The door shut again.

The book fair.

Thea would be at the book fair. I was supposed to be setting up for the book fair in three hours.

Oh crap .

Everything about last night played in my head right alongside the continuous torturous replay of the betrayed look on Thea’s face as she climbed out the window.

I was still staring outside at Demetrius walking down the sidewalk when my phone rang. Sam must have seen it sitting there dead and plugged it in. God, I didn’t deserve my best friend.

I sprinted across to the kitchen and answered without even looking at the screen. “Thea?”

“I warned you, you fucking lying bitch.”

“ Shit .” I yanked the phone away from my ear and ended the call. It was an unknown number.

Jeremiah’s voice had been the same after he found out I had the abortion. He’d gone hoarse from screaming.

Nic had showed up at Jeremiah’s Malibu house the day after.

Jeremiah was still so pissed, and I wanted to protect Nic from this mess I had made of my life.

I printed out five pages of MapQuest directions because I didn’t want to take any chances on Jeremiah tracking my phone and following me and Nic to the only small corner of the world that had ever felt completely safe.

By the end of our drive to Kansas, I had written a notebook full of songs.

After all, even as a child, it was in the moments of irrepressible hyperfocus I felt the most me.

The hours when my need to create and play and experience music in every atom of my being felt like an addiction.

It was in those moments, even when I was still so indoctrinated, I found the burnt-out scraps of my true self beneath all the masks.

The songs that might end up sabotaging Demetrius’s chance to get the recognition he deserved after five years of being snubbed. I had to figure out a way to stop it.

A text came in before I could block the number.

If you don’t stop people from talking about this, I will release everything I have from the hospital.

I will release everything I have on you.

All the photos and the letters. No one will believe you.

I will release everything I have on Demetrius too, and it will be all your fault. You have forty-eight hours.