Page 31 of Uprising

If I were in a hospital I know I would have started rehab by now. I’d have a dedicated physio helping get my body back to strength.

I guess I’ll have to figure that out for myself.

But right now that can wait. All of this can wait.

* * *

I stare at the screen.I know I’m tormenting myself, torturing myself but I do it anyway.

I can’t stop rewinding it, playing it back, seeing her face as she gets out of the car, seeing how the veil covers her beauty, how her father holds her arm and he walks her inside, away from the crowds, with the cookie cutter bridesmaids following close behind.

I guess this was how it was for her and Paris too. Him marching her down the aisle, ensuring she can’t pick up her skirts and try to escape.

Her dress clings to her. It’s too fussy, too elaborate to be anything my Rose would have picked so I’ll put money on it being her mother’s choice. And I can see why. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect an actual movie star to wear. It must have cost millions. It’s encrusted with diamonds, turning every step she takes into a flash of rainbow light.

She’s holding a bouquet of pure red roses. Again, I’d put money on that being her mother’s choice.

I stare at the ring on her finger, the huge rock that Darius clearly picked out as a warning to every other male in the vicinity to back the fuck off like he’s laying claim to her. Like he has that right.

I wonder where my ring is. If she has it somewhere, if she manged to keep it safe or if Darius stole that too.

A snarl leaves my lips. I can see her sad face beneath the veil, beneath the mask she’s projecting, I can see it. I can feel it too, as if our love somehow connects us. She doesn’t want this, she doesn’t want any of this and yet she’s sacrificing herself right now for our daughter.

I think in this moment I love her more.

I love her and I hate myself.

Because I did this, I let this happen. Maybe I was too cocky, too sure of what I was doing to stop and think that Darius might just be planning his own coup.

The damned Cathedral is packed. Darius has been sure to make this a media sensation and no doubt the polls will reflect this because the timing is perfect too. Right before the campaigning starts. And who could resist such a tale? Who could resist re-electing a Governor so firmly focused on family values, on love?

The camera angle changes. Rose’s eyes seem to dart about and I see it, the fear there. She’s petrified right now.

When Ignatio hands her over, the way Darius looks at her, the words he murmurs, words I should be saying. Words he has no right to say to her.

She doesn’t reply. I wonder if it’s because she can’t say anything that wouldn’t show what a sham this really is.

And the worst bit comes. The vows. She agrees to honour him, to respect him, to love him for the rest of her life. My heart nearly stops when I hear her utter the word ‘yes’.

I don’t know what I expected. I knew the outcome. I know this happened weeks ago and yet hearing it, seeing it, it’s like a dagger to my heart.

“She collapses just after they’re announced.” Koen says.

I turn my head looking at him, at where he’s leaning against the doorframe. We’re still unsure of one another. He might have given us safe haven but I don’t understand what he gets from it.

I grunt in reply. I know she collapsed. I know the feed cuts out initially citing technical difficulties before the true reason is revealed.

That she passed out.

That she had to be carried out to an ambulance.

But what I don’t know is why.

I’m petrified that she’s sick, that he’s hurt her in some way that has caused this.

And the other thing I don’t see in any of this is Lara. I don’t see her anywhere.

Clearly Darius made sure my daughter was out of the picture for his big day. No doubt he didn’t want any reminders of me to ruin it for him. But I can’t stop wondering where she is, if she’s with them, if he’s locked her away the way Ignatio did, and worse, if he’s hurting her as well.