Page 146 of Uprising

“I…” I gulp, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. I feel like that inexperienced girl again, caught with a man she shouldn’t be with only this time it doesn’t feel exhilarating, it feels daunting, like a mountain I suddenly need to scale. “Lie on the bed.”

His eyebrows raise, his lip curls and then he’s doing it, sitting so that he’s resting against the headboard.

“I don’t like being touched.” I say, pulling off my jumper. “I hate the thought of someone else touching me, of their skin against mine, of that lack of control.”

A micro-expression of something crosses his face but whatever thoughts he has, he keeps them to himself.

I drop my jeans, but I keep my t-shirt on, keeping my top half covered with it. And then I walk to the dressing room, pull the tie free from the silk robe that’s hanging there.

When I come back he’s exactly where I left him. Still fully clothed too.

He eyes the turquoise band in my hands but he doesn’t say anything.

I let out a ragged breath. I can do this. I can control this. And if I can get past this, then maybe another piece of me will not only be fixed but will be restored. That I will be another step closer to the new me, the improved me.

I get on the bed, straddling him before I can talk myself out of this and I tie one end to his left wrist before twisting it around the headboard and then securing his right.

“You’re tying me up.” He murmurs.

I bite my lip. “I figured that this will give me more control. That this way I can touch you, but it will feel safe.”

His eyes narrow. “You’re always safe with me.”

I blink back at him. My heart is racing so loudly, I can feel that adrenaline fluttering inside me and there’s a voice screaming at me inside my head. But I can feel something else too, that need, that want, that hunger that was always there, that was always present inside me from the moment I’d first laid eyes on Roman.

“I love you.” I say. “I love you so much.”

He shifts, clearly fighting the urge to lean forward and kiss me. “I love you too Rose.”

And that’s when I decide to do it, to lean down, to kiss him, to stop letting all those bastards continue to beat me. To beat us.

It’s slow, hesitant. My lips press into his and while he mimics my movements he doesn’t take over, he doesn’t fight for dominance. I let out a moan, a gasp as my eyes prick with tears and then I push myself more, slipping my tongue into his mouth, deepening that kiss even further.

He growls out. His arms shift against the ties but he still lets me have this, lets me control this.

When I pull away I feel breathless. I feel like I’ve just had the biggest high.

I can feel him beneath me too. I can feel how his body has responded. How his dick is hard.

I draw in a breath, keeping my eyes focused on him, making sure that in this moment I don’t get myself confused, don’t panic into thinking this is someone else.

I reach forward, undoing his shirt button by button. My fingers are trembling, my body is too. When I pull the fabric back I stare at his chest, at the scar where he was stabbed so long ago, at the bullet wound that stopped him from coming for us sooner.

I lower my mouth, planting a kiss on him. Then another.

I can hear his breathing. I can see the way he’s watching me with those eyes that he wants to devour me whole. As I shift down my body pushes against his dick and he tenses more.

“Rose.” He half growls, half murmurs, as if he’s trying so hard to be passive in all this.

I gulp, feeling that fear twist inside me, only I won’t give in. Not yet.

I run my hands over his skin, trace a pattern with my fingertips. I’m putting off what I really want, buying time, trying to get a hold on my nerves.

“Rose.” He murmurs again, softer, as if he can tell I’m right on the cusp of fleeing the room, of turning back into a messy, crying wreck once more.

I shut him up with my mouth. I press my lips to his, not kissing him, not really, our lips are closed, my face feels wet with my tears but my hands are reaching down, undoing his belt, his jeans, freeing his dick.

His fists his own hands, forces his body to be still. Letting me take what I want. Letting me do what I want. Giving me all the control.