Page 27 of Unfaithfully Yours

NINETEEN

Kamran

I got off the phone with the insurance company and turned to look inside the door to Melissa's room.

Her mom and dad had left to get her something other than hospital food to eat and Michelle was still sitting at her side.

None of them had started acting like they hated me, so I assumed that meant that Melissa hadn't told them what had happened yet.

“Never forget the silver lining,” Michelle was saying. “Your body may be battered and bruised, but at least your face is fine.”

Melissa chuckledand then winced because of her rib. She placed a hand over it and then her gaze flickered up, meeting mine where I was standing by the door.

She smiled softly, sadness in her eyes and I tried to return the gesture because I appreciated it, but my gaze blurred with tears and I knew I probably looked even sadder than she did.

“Chelle,” she said, “Can you give me and Kamran a few minutes?”

Michelle nodded and pushed to her feet.

“Good luck,” she whispered as she passed me at the door.

Melissa shook her head.

“My own sister wishing you good luck instead of me .”

“Yeah, what's that about,” I said, coming to take the spot Michelle had left.

For a long time, Melissa just looked at me, her gaze running over my face like she was memorizing it. Then, with a trembling breath, she looked away.

This was it. This was supposed to be our moment to finally talk about everything in the open. And now that it was here, I just felt exhausted. I was done being worried and scared. I just wanted the lies to stop. To know where we both stood. To know what would come next.

“You have been cheating on me.”

My words came out like a generic statement, like I was talking about the stock market, or something.

Melissa reacted like that too, with a small shrug as though she was only half listening.

“Lissa,” I sighed. “Please. I want to hear what you have to say.”

She swallowed.

“You and Ryan,” she said instead. “How long has it been going on?”

Her voice wavered but she met my gaze bravely, despite the tears in her eyes.

I took a breath and forced the words out.

“A few weeks,” I confessed. “Only after I found out about your boss.”

She shut her eyes.

“How did you know?”

“He sent you a message while you were in the shower. It didn't leave much up for debate.”

She had gone back to not facing me, her gaze fixed on her hands which were picking anxiously at the blanket over her lap.

“Kamran,” she finally said. “I've known about you and Ryan for a long time.”

I frowned and shook my head.

“No, Melissa. I swear all of this is new.”

She shook her head in return, meeting my gaze resolutely.

“I thought, maybe you didn't realize it yet... That's why I was waiting. I was trying to be patient, to let you tell me on your own time.”

My mind was reeling.

“But, why would you think that?” I demanded. “We were married .”

“Kamran... I stopped suggesting we have sex over a year- and-a-half ago and you never noticed. ”

I stared at her face while the words sank in. Reality felt like it was tilting sideways.

“Has—has it really been that long?” I asked.

She chuckled bitterly.

“Yeah, it has.”

She shrugged.

“I noticed some things about you two... Of course, I had hoped that I was wrong so I thought I should test it out... to see if you really wanted to be intimate with me.”

“Oh. God. ”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Let's just say I got my answer pretty quickly.”

I couldn't even begin to form words. I had no clue what the hell had made her think me and Ryan were a thing, but clearly she had been onto something because the moment he'd first kissed me and held me, I had been done for. I had wanted him more than anything. More than I had ever wantedher.

My thoughts were racing a mile a minute.

“I—I really didn't know,” I said and to my surprise, she reached out, resting her hand on my arm.

“Honestly, that's a relief,” she said. “The longer I waited, the harder it was... Then one day at work, Robert called me into his office to see if I was okay. He'd noticed how upset I had been and for some reason, I started to tell him everything that was going on.”

“And he thought, ‘ oh perfect timing to move in’ ?” I demanded incredulously.

She shook her head.

“No. He was just really nice about it, to be honest,” she said, her chin tilting up defensively. “And then after that, he would check on me, ask for updates, and do little things to cheer me up...”

She shrugged helplessly.

“I started to think it would be nice, you know, to be with someone so attentive and?—”

She couldn't finish the story, and I was glad because I couldn't face what she was saying. That I had made her feel alone. I hadn't meant to. I hadn't known.

“But Kamran, we never crossed that line. He was waiting for me.”

“What?” I asked slowly, horror filling me.

“We spent time together but he was waiting until after you and I finally broke up but... I couldn't do it. I wanted to be there for you. To be patient and wait for you to tell me that you couldn't love me the way that you could love someone like Ryan.”

Her eyes filled with tears.

“I wasn't ready to move on. I kept trying to prolong our relationship Kamran. Even though I knew it wasn't what you wanted. I just couldn't face it, even after all this time. When I saw you two together... it just all became so final. It was too much for me.”

I tried to force my mouth to move, too stunned to fully understand.

“Melissa, I'm so sorry.”

I leaned over her, hugging her, careful of her rib while tears poured down her cheeks and stung my eyes. Her small hands squeezed my back, clinging to me tightly.

“I felt so betrayed when I saw that damn message, Lissa and Ryan was the only person I could turn to and...”

I shut my eyes, pulling back far enough to see her face.

“For the record, you were right. I—I'm gay.”

Saying the words aloud to my wife made an unexpected calm fall over me. I could see it in her wide eyes too, an acceptance that settled into her gaze.

She nodded.

“I know,” she said simply and it was like all the weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt ten pounds lighter, like I was about to float away. Was this what it was like when people were free to be themselves?

“The irony is that it was only because I thought you were cheating that I gave this thing with Ryan a second thought,” I mused.

“And... is it going well?” she asked hesitantly.

It felt strange to say this to her, but since she was strong enough to ask, I could be strong enough to continue being honest.

I nodded.

“Yes,” I whisperedand a soft smile lifted Melissa's lips.

“Then, I'm glad.”

I sat back in the chair at her side, taking her hand again. She squeezed mine in return, shaking her head.

“I should have ripped the bandage off ages ago,” she said.

“Don't blame yourself,” I said. “None of this is on you.”

She shut her eyes, her hand tightening in mine until Michelle's voice from the doorway had us both turning.

“Uh, guys,” she said awkwardly, and I could see why at once.

Behind Michelle, a tall man in a business suit with neatly cropped brown hair stood with a bouquet of flowers.

He wasn't looking at me though, his eyes were all for Melissa.

It was a strange feeling to see the man your spouse was moving on with, but I had no right to interfere at this point and I didn't even want to.

She deserved good things. She deserved the kind of love that I now had with someone else.

Swallowing, I pushed to my feet and walked slowly to the door.

Michelle looked like she thought there was about to be a fight. So did Robert. He tensed up when our eyes met, but he didn't back down or cower when I stopped in front of him.

When I offered my hand, he was so taken aback that for a second, he didn't respond. His gaze flew to Melissa's and then he reached out and shook my hand firmly while Michelle gasped, looking between us all.

I walked past them, not wanting to stick around for the next part of the visit.

Michelle caught up to me a moment later.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I shook my head and swallowed past the lump in my throat.

“There's a lot to think about,” I admitted. “But yeah, I'll be okay. We both will.”

She let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, good. I’ll take her to my place when she gets discharged,” she said.

I stopped walking.

“She shouldn't feel like she can't come home,” I said. “Never again.”

“I know,” Michelle sighed. “But, I want to take care of her while you two decide what your next steps are.”

Next steps. I hadn’t thought about those. We had to contact lawyers, divide assets, untangle from each other’s lives… The thought was overwhelming.

Michelle suddenly reached out and squeezed my shoulder.

“It's been great having you as brother,” she said.

Damn. Here came the waterworks.

I tried to swallow back the flood of emotions and stepped forward, giving her a hug when I failed.

“I'll still be your brother,” I insisted. “And Melissa's friend, if she's willing to have that with me.”

When I pulled back, Michelle smiled and I wondered if she could hear the unspoken words. That I couldn't be Melissa's lover anymore. That my heart and my home was already with someone else.

But when I stepped outside into the surprisingly sunny February day and pulled out my phone to finally call him after a long two days apart, Ryan didn’t answer.

A strange feeling settled over me as my call cut off mid ring and went straight to voicemail.

I tried again and for the second time, half way through the first ring, the call disconnected.

Had he blocked me? I didn’t understand. Hadn’t we been okay when he had left the other day? Hadn’t we hugged?

I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I had said something wrong, but I couldn’t think of anything. Surely he knew that I loved him, that I wanted to be with him.

I didn’t even think about going home. I went straight to Ryan’s house, hoping desperately that there was a misunderstanding at play. That his phone was broken, that it was something, anything , other than what it seemed like.

He wasn’t there.

The house was empty and his car was gone.

For a moment, I sat there, unsure what to do next and then I remembered that it was Monday. First of all, I’d completely forgotten to contact work, so that was great. Second, Ryan had that school trip. He would be away until tomorrow.

That gave me a modicum of relief because at least he might just be busy.

Lifting my phone, I dialled Ollie’s number, tapping my hands on the wheel while I waited.

“Hey,” he said, answering after the second ring.

“Hey man, can you do me a favour and call Ryan and tell me if he answers? I think something’s wrong with his phone.”

“Huh? Yeah, sure.”

He hung up without saying goodbye. I waited anxiously, chewing my nail until I noticed I was doing it and stuck my hands forcefully back on the wheel, clutching it until the knuckles were white.

By the time my phone rang again, I had a bad feeling that I knew what the answer would be.

“Hello?”

“Hey, yeah, he answered. But I don’t recommend getting in touch, he’s in a bitchy mood. He practically bit my head off when I said you were looking for him.”

My heart was hammering against my ribs.

“But I don’t think I did anything,” I found myself arguing. “I— we were okay last time we spoke.”

Ollie was silent for a minute.

“Maybe he needs some time.”

“Time?” I asked incredulously, because I knew what time meant. It meant he needed to think things over, to move on. “No. No way in hell. He can’t just…”

It felt like Melissa all over again. What the hell was with the people I was close to blanking me and pulling away when things were important?

“If he has a reason to avoid me, he at least has to tell mewhat it is!”

I’d allowed the situation with Melissa to go on for far too long. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. He couldn’t just distance himself without talking to me first.

Ryan was going to have to face me. Tonight.