Page 24 of Unfaithfully Yours

I unfortunately had just taken a sip of water and had to spend the next two minutes trying not to die as I choked on it.

“Are you okay?” Kamran finally asked.

I cleared my throat one last time and nodded, wiping tears from my eyes.

“I'm okay,” I said, voice still raspy. I took another sip of water to clear it. “Now, what was that?”

I was just trying to buy some time to wrap my head around the unexpected issue and it worked a bit because Kamran shrugged and pushed his food around his plate.

“You pulled out,” he pouted.

What the hell ?I was really in an alternate universe lately. This confirmed it.

“Well, yeah,” I said, trying to be kind about it. “I wasn't wearing a condom.”

“So?” he asked. “I haven't been with that many people if that's the issue. I haven't even had sex in ages.”

My brows shot up in surprise.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he said, shrugging. “Guess this was all a long time coming.”

I was surprised. He had seemed so shocked about Melissa's infidelity.

It had seemed like everything had been normal from his side.

How could they have just settled into a sexless life without him noticing?

I hadn'tever been in a relationship as long as theirs though, so maybe I wasn't the best judge of what was normal and what wasn't.

“How did that happen?” I found myself asking. Morbid curiosity won in this case. I didn’t want to know details about his sex life with Melissa but I wanted to understand nonetheless.

He was silent for a long time, thinking, his gaze far away. When he finally looked up at me, his expression was so bare.

“I don’t think I ever really liked having sex with her,” he said.

He seemed to catch himself and suddenly turned his face down to stare at his plate, looking ashamed.

“I didn’t realize it. It felt good and everything but it always felt like something I should want to do.

Then she stopped initiating it and I guess I was kind of relieved… ”

I swallowed, understanding flowing through me.

“Actually,” he went on. “It always felt like that, with every girl I’ve ever hooked up with.”

I nodded, searching his face.

For a guy from a somewhat conservative family, he was very liberal, but maybe his upbringing rang in the back of his ears where he could barely hear it.

Or maybe it was something else, I wasn’t sure.

It certainly wasn’t the norm for people from eastern countries to come out.

He had probably never even allowed himself to consider it.

“Does this make me a shitty person?” he asked tentatively.

I shook my head at once.

“It takes time to figure things like this out,” I said. “You probably never let yourself think about it.”

“I think you’re right,” he said, sighing heavily. “And now I just want to be free to explore this side of myself. With you.”

“I’m here,” I assured, taking his hand.

“Yeah, except last night, you pulled out.”

I stared, flabbergasted by the way he swung that back around.

“I have to get tested again before we have unprotected sex... If I wasn't so drunk I would have suggested doing something else.”

“Well, we've already done it once,” he said, still not looking at me. “Does it really matter now?”

I was still shocked that he was upset about this of all things.

Maybe in his head it made things more permanent?

“Why do you care so much about that?”

“Because people who are really together and not seeing other people don’t usually use protection,” he shot back then suddenly added, “Can I see your phone?”

I blinked, realizing the implications of what he was asking. Without hesitation, I stood and went upstairs to find it.

It was still in the pants I'd thrown aside some time last night.

When I came downstairs with it and handed it straight to Kamran, he almost looked queasy swiping it open.

His hands were trembling a little bit as he went through my apps, aware that I was watching him the entire time. I had nothing to hide, but when his face fell and he turned the screen toward me, I didn't quite know how to respond.

“You have Grindr,” he accused.

I almost laughed but bit it back at the look on his face.

“Well, yeah, I do.”

“I knew it!”

This time I couldn't stop the laugh that burst from my lips.

“Kamran, I had no idea you'd get like this.”

He groaned and handed me my phone.

“Look, I know I'm being weird and paranoid, I just don't get why you have it when you said that you loved me and always wanted me.”

“This wasn't exactly on the cards before,” I reminded him. “And for the record, I'm too busy for it anyway. It's been ages since I even went on.”

To prove my point, I opened it up and went to the messages.

My last sent message was from over two months ago, but I hastily decided not to show Kamran because it was setting up a meeting time. I'd completely forgotten about that guy. No one had ever mattered to me the way that Kamran did.

“I'm deleting it,” I said, and set my phone down flat so that he could see me do it.

Kamran watched, still looking glum.

“Why am I being like this?” he asked.

I got the impression that he was asking the room more than he was asking me , but I answered anyway.

“Because you had your trust broken recently?” I suggested. “And you're worried I'll do the same?”

He looked at me, frowning.

“The thought of you spending all that time, finding other guys for hook-ups or whatever, when I was right there but oblivious... It's fucking with my head.”

I swallowed.

“Come here so I can hug you again,” I said and he pushed up immediately.

I met him half way, pulling him into a warm embrace that he clung to.

“You're everything to me,” he whispered. “Always have been... Why was I so stupid?”

I squeezed him harder, my heart clenching.

“You're not stupid,” I argued. He just shrugged and held onto me even tighter.

Finally, when he pulled back, his eyes were red, dark lashes wet.

“Okay,” he said. “Let's go tell my wife I'm in love with someone else.”