Page 43

Sydney

AXEL

“Fuck,” I bury my face in my hands, pulling my own hair in my anguish. “Do you still wanna try? Because I do, more than anything.”

He’s not going to though. I can’t expect it of him. I’ve betrayed him in the most hurtful way possible, though at the time I didn’t think there was even the remotest possibility that we would get back together.

So I don’t have the faintest idea why he lifts his chin, looks me firmly in the eye, and breathes “Okay.”

I’m stunned, but I’m not going to argue. If the universe is throwing me a line, I’m grabbing it with both hands.

I take both his hands in mine, as a lone tear snakes down the side of my face.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah.”

“Give me a minute. To get dressed,” I add, embarrassed to remind him he’s found me half-naked with another man just leaving my house.

Justin purses his lips in a hard line, because he is remembering, and I hurry to my room to change and grab my things before he comes to his senses and leaves. I remember to pass via the bathroom on the way, to clean up.

It’s a relief when I re-enter the living room and he’s still sitting on the couch where I left him. He’s awfully quiet though. This is going to be hard.

“Let’s go.” I hand him my spare helmet and a jacket. I know he loves the bike. I don’t even know why he’s giving me a second chance, but I will do anything, anything , I can, to win his heart again. I won't lie to him or anything like that, but if there's any sneaky trick that will give me an edge, I'm using it.

He puts on the jacket without saying a word. I don't like this quiet, sad version of Justin, and although we both want to try, I'm afraid there may be no hope for us.

It’s a still, warm night, and there’s no-one else on the roads. The bike takes the bends with ease, as we lean into the curves as one. Justin’s body is warm against my back, his arms firm around my waist. For the ten minutes it takes to ride to the beach, it’s easy. No words. We are one. Just him and me, the bike, and the rush of the air against our bodies as we power through the bends and the night.

When we crunch to a stop in the beach carpark, it’s deserted. No cars in the carpark, no people on the beach.

We dismount and hang the helmets on the bike. Hesitantly, I take his hand. He doesn’t resist but he doesn’t look at me either. I lead him down towards the rocks at the end of the beach near the rockpool. It’s so late that the light next to the pool has gone out, but there’s a partial moon in the sky which gives us enough visibility to cross the rocks safely.

Just past the pool, I find a large rock where we can sit looking out across the restlessly shifting sea. A mosaic of moonlight glints on the bumpy surface of the water and shines in the tiny puddles of seawater pooling in the rocks.

I sit behind Justin and wrap my arms around him. I rest my head on his shoulder, burying my face in his warmth.

“I missed you,” I whisper.

He doesn’t say anything, but he pulls my arms tighter around him, and we sit like that for a while.

After long minutes, I break the silence.

"I'm sorry, about Jordy." I pause. This is hard. I press my face into the nape of his neck. My voice breaks. "Why are you still here, after what I’vedone?”

For a moment, I think he’s not going to answer, and when he does, he answers with a question. “Tell me something… do you have some sort of Islander in your heritage?"

“Um. Distantly. Why?” I ask confused, wondering what this has to do with anything. He slips his finger under the collar of his shirt and pulls out the neck chain I gave him months ago. The starfish gleams in the moonlight, wobbling on the white coir chain, the sea serpent's mouth gaping in a threatening but silent hiss.

“Oh,” I breath. Suddenly I understand. Something in my heart settles. “You know about that?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you…?”

“It was weird. Someone recognized it. I did some googling after that. It was hard to find anything but yeah, eventually I did.”

A profound silence falls between us. The night is heavy with unspoken emotion. Maybe the serpent's mouth isn't threatening at all, maybe it's guarding, protecting. This tiny chain has been faithfully holding the link between us these last few lonely months - my heart connected to his by the finest of threads. My task will be to gently tug the links to bring us together again without breaking the fragile connection.

"Is that why you came to find me?" I whisper.

"Yes."

“Can you forgive me?” I ask, my lips close to his ear, my words scarcely more than a breath in the night air. He is my heart’s chosen one. He must know that. If he can’t forgive me…

“Yes.” The word is little more than the faintest whisper above the sound of the ocean, but it carries the warmth of summer to my heart.

I kiss his neck, the skin warm against my lips. Grateful tears leak from my eyes and fall silently on his skin. Justin leans back into me, his strong back settling against my chest and I tighten my arms around him, holding him close.

We remain like this for hours, as the moon makes its way across the sky and the dark begins to fade with the approaching day. We’re still sitting here as pink streaks illuminate the clouds and the sun slowly eases over the edge between sea and sky.