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Sydney

JUSTIN

The morning is well advanced by the time I wake up for the second time today.

I stretch and lie in bed listening to the sound of the surf crashing on the shore, the currawongs calling to each other, the cicadas trilling in the bush. The sounds of summer.

Memories of last night rush back to me and I can’t help but smile. Life is good. I lie there and think of the beautiful brown-haired man who has my blood racing and my heart singing. It’s only hours since we parted, and I can’t wait to see him again.

And I don’t have to wait long. At 11am, Axel knocks at the front door, asking if I want to go for a swim.

“We’re going to the beach,” I tell my grandparents. “Don’t worry about me for lunch.”

“Enjoy yourselves, boys,” replies my grandma, no doubt totally pleased that I’ve got a friend to hang out with. I can’t help feeling the tiniest bit guilty, as they wouldn’t be so happy if they knew the true nature of the friendship. But no-one’s telling them, so…

Axel grins at me when we get in his car.

“Good morning ,” he smirks.

“Mmm. It’s a very good morning,” I can’t help the big fat smile on my face. “It was a very good night too.”

“Yes, it was.” Axel looks around, and as there’s no-one in sight, hazards leaning across and planting a kiss on my cheek.

“I’m sorry I was such an idiot,” he says.

“Shh. We’re past that now. Let’s just have fun.”

“Fun is my middle name,” he says suggestively.

“Really? You gonna prove that or are you all talk?”

“Well…” he makes a gesture that says is this really where you want me to prove it?

“Okay. Fair point. You get a raincheck then.”

“Thought you’d see things my way,” Axel chuckles. Then he adds, “Do you want to see a movie tonight? There’s a small cinema down at the shopping village. We could check out what’s on.”

“Sure. Can’t promise I won’t fall asleep in the movie though if we’ve been out in the sun all day.”

This is Axel’s life, so he’s probably immune to the effects of sun and fresh air all day long, but I’m not. At home, I spend most of my time indoors studying, and so much unaccustomed outdoor time makes me sleepy.

“Don’t worry,” Axel’s smug grin re-appears, and he says in a flirty tone, “Pretty sure I can find ways of keeping you awake.”

“Promises, promises.” My own flirty grin is so wide it’s going to crack my face open if I can’t get control of it. “C’mon let’s get going before my grandparents come out to ask why we’re still sitting out here in the car.”

The corner of Axel’s mouth curls up, and I think he’s going to make some smartass reply, but he doesn’t say anything, just turns on the car – no, I mean, turns me on, starts the car – puts the transmission in Drive and we head off up the driveway.

Instead of going to the beach below my grandparents’ house, he takes me to the secluded beach we’ve been to a few times now – our beach. It occurs to me that he’s thought this through, because as we lie on our towels on the sand and Axel’s hand gently strokes up and down my body, we don’t have to worry about being accidentally discovered by my grandparents if they unexpectedly decide they want to go to the beach for a swim.

I roll onto my side and admire the gorgeous man on the towel beside mine, his hand warm on my skin as he lazily runs his fingers over me.

I haven’t been in this situation before, and I’m uncertain what we are to each other.

“Are we… are we dating?” I ask hesitantly, hating the uncertainty that creeps into my voice. I wish I was more sophisticated and confident, like he is.

“Yes,” Axel inches closer. “Yes, we are. You’re my boyfriend.” And he gives me a look that makes me blush, and I lower my eyes. “If that’s okay with you.”

“More than,” I whisper.

“Good.”

I love this, but there’s still a great big ‘but’ looming up ahead. I could ignore it, I suppose, and maybe that would be the smartest thing to do, rather than push things now and possibly unsettle what we’ve got here. But I kind of need to know if we’re building something or just playing… I need to set my expectations, so I don’t get in over my head. Ha! As if I’m not already.

“Um. So, you already know I’m going home in a couple of weeks… ah, so, just wondering how you see this. Is it just a thing for the summer, or… does it continue on after? It, um, it… doesn’t change anything, but it would just be, you know, kind of helpful to know.”

Enough . I stop rambling.

He looks at me for what feels like a long time, but probably isn’t. He reaches across and tucks a stray hair back off my face. It wasn't bothering me and it wasn't in my eyes, so I think he just wants to touch me.

“Trying not to get hurt too much?” he asks gently.

“Something like that,” I mumble, “But either way, I’m still in.”

“I think we’ve got something real here,” Axel says, gazing at me with that look in his eye. “If I said, just the summer and then see, you wouldn’t be all in, would you?”

“Probably not 100%,” I admit, biting my lip and afraid to look him in the eyes.

“That’s what I thought. Might be hard, being long-distance, but I want to keep it going. What about you? What do you want?”

“I want to keep going,” I admit, “I really like you. But I don’t know how we’d do it, being in different states. You’ll probably get bored waiting for me to grow up and get a life…”

Axel laughs, a sort of self-deprecating laugh, like I’ve got things all wrong.

“You’re about to have some huge changes in your life… finishing school, going to uni, meeting all those new exciting people. There’s a good chance you’ll forget about this when all that gets going. I think I’m the one at risk here,” he finishes, voice catching.

I suddenly realize he feels vulnerable. Like he believes there’s a real risk of me ditching him. And that it would genuinely hurt him. And yet he’s still willing to take that chance. The knowledge warms my heart but also makes me rush to reassure him.

“Not a chance. I know how I feel about you. I’d wait for… whenever we can be together. I can handle being apart, I don’t think I could handle not having you.”

“Me neither,” Axel admits, and taking my hand in his, kisses the back of my knuckles. “So, all in then, both of us?”

“Yes, all in,” I whisper.

And right there on the beach, in full public view, he leans across and kisses me on the lips. And then because it’s been a heavy, if worthwhile and necessary conversation, by unspoken agreement we jump to our feet and race each other into the surf.