Page 39

Alone again

JUSTIN

It's terribly quiet around the house once Axel has gone. I hope I haven't made a terrible mistake in sending him away. He's already put up with so much because of me, including a very painful afternoon, and now I've effectively shoved him aside to try and make things good with my folks. At least it's only a couple of nights and then we can... what, exactly? My future is screwed. I'll probably have to stick around and redo my final year of school. What else can I do? I'm going to talk to Axel about it tonight. We hadn't really looked past me turning 19, and re-uniting with my parents. At least I'll be independent now.

My morose introspection is disturbed by my parents coming down the hall. I hear the scuffing of their shoes on the carpet before they round the corner into the living room.

My dad is dressed in outdoor clothes, battered old jeans, a long-sleevet-shirt that's seen better days, and scruffy work boots.

"I'd like you to give me a hand in the garage after dinner," he says. "I'm getting ready for a kerbside cleanup, need to sort through some stuff. It'll take a couple of hours and your mother's planning an early dinner, so we can do it after."

I take this as a bit of an olive branch. "Sure. I'll have to change my clothes though."

"Might as well get changed now," my mom says, "Dinner will bein half an hour."

When I get to my old bedroom, I pause as I enter, my breath catching in my throat. Everything is just as I left it. There's something comforting and simultaneously melancholy about that. I had a good childhood, but I'm not the same person I was then. Time has moved on, and so have I. I'm not that same innocent boy anymore.

Once I've dressed in some clothes that can afford to get filthy, I head back down to the living room. There's no-one there but I hear voices in the kitchen so I wander straight in there to find my parents deep in conversation.There's a pause and they seem to change topics. I lean on the kitchen island and pull out my phone. My mother is pacing around the room and passes behind me while talking, but I don't pay much attention. I unlock my phone and smile. Axel has sent me a funny meme. I send him one back and then quickly scroll through my social media notifications. There's not much there given that I've been on radio silence for a few months.

I lock the screen and shove the phone back in my pocket.

My mom comes upbeside me and asks, "What was that you were looking at? Something amusing?"

"Oh, just a meme," I replied. Then realizing she probably doesn't know what that is, I add, "It's a funny thing that gets passed around on the internet."

"Oh? I'm not sure what you mean. Can you show me?"

She's standing right beside me, which is a little awkward, but she's trying to be friendly, so I unlock the phone, flick through a couple of things until I find it, and hold the screen up to her.

After a beat, she chuckles. "That's pretty funny. You young people send these things to each other all the time, don't you?"

"Ah, yeah, I guess. They're a thing at the moment," I reply, putting the phone away.

"Here, let me see," my dad is standing real close on my other side. I don't know how I didn't see him there. I pull out the phone again, unlock it again , and show him the picture. He shrugs like he doesn't get it but doesn't say anything. Maybe he doesn't find it funny.

My mother steps away and goes to the fridge. "You two go and chat in the living room, so you don't get in the way while I'm getting dinner ready."

Does she mean talk about me being gay? Or is tonight for getting along and the hard conversations will come tomorrow? I guess I'll find out.

◆◆◆

It turns out that the hard conversations are for tomorrow, as we don't discuss the elephant in the room before or during dinner. We do have a pleasant family dinner though. I help with setting the table, and clearing away afterwards. I don't get time to text Axel, but I'm not worried as he probably doesn't expect to hear from me, and he's going to text me tonight anyway.

After dinner, Dad is keen to start work and hustles me along.

As I go to follow him out of the kitchen, Dad turns around and snaps, "Leave your damn phone here. I know how you young people are. You'll be spending more time on your phone than you do working if you have it with you."

I sigh, but it's not worth the argument. I'm trying to build bridges here, so I have to pick my battles. I drop the phone on the table and follow him out the door.