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April Holidays, Sydney

AXEL

Having Justin back in my life brings back color to my days which had been strangely dull and grey since we parted at the end of summer.

Even though it’s April, the weather is still mild, and there are enough warm days for us to spend a good amount of time lying around on the beach, and on the days we don’t go, we either spend our time hanging out at his grandparents’ house or wandering around the shopping village, or if my parents are at work, lounging around my house.

He has two weeks of holidays and he’s spending it all with me. There’s not a single day we don’t see each other. We probably aren’t as careful as we should be, given that Justin’s not out to his family, but this little interlude has brought us closer together and we spend as much time in each other’s company as we can. And while there is definitely some sex going on, that’s not what’s most important to me. Justin is meeting my deepest needs of loving and being loved. Now that I’ve gotten over my initial concerns about our age gap, I have a bone-deep feeling that we’re meant to be together.

The days fly past.

We probably have spent too much time together for just a couple of casual friends and although I’m disappointed when I’m not invited to dinner at the Beecham’s house on his last night, I’m not too surprised. I really have monopolized him during his visit.

Can you come out after? I want to do something for your last night

If I’m worried that the lack of invitation reflects any wavering on Justin’s part (and I’m not), the speed with which he replies,would totally put me at ease.

I’ll have to sneak out later. Things are a bit weird. But I can totally do that

Text me when you’re free?

Sure. Probably late though

S’ok. Want to see you

Same

It’s not until after 11pm, that Justin texts me to tell me everyone has gone to bed and he can slip out. We arrange to meet at the top of his driveway, so there’s no chance my car will wake his grandparents. Any guilty feelings I might have about the subterfuge are rendered inconsequential by my burning need to see Justin one more time.

I arrive early and wait expectantly in my car, parked at the side of the road with the lights off. Anticipation thrums through my veins. When I see his familiar figure appear as a darker shadow at the top of the driveway, a soft sigh escapes my lips and warmth floods my chest. I am so completely gone for this man.

Justin gets in the car and leans across to kiss me. Our lips play softly until our tongues have to get involved and the kiss deepens and before long the windows are starting to fog up. When eventually we break apart, I have to run the demister for a few minutes before I can drive away.

"Missed you," I tell him.

“Same. Where are we heading?” asks Justin, his lips moist and puffy.

“The beach,” I reply. “It’s sort of a repeat date.”

“Mmm,” Justin murmurs happily. His hand wanders over the console between us and finds its place on my thigh. He leaves it there for the remainder of the drive, his thumb stroking gently across my skin and teasing under the hem of my shorts.

When we arrive at the beach carpark, it’s deserted as I would expect it to be at this hour of night, at this time of year.

We get out of the car and when I retrieve the picnic rug and basket from the back of the car and an extra bag, Justin breaks into a big smile. He remembers.

Like the first time, we walk out on to the sand, only this time, we’re holding hands. I try to find the exact same spot (not really possible, of course, but near enough). Justin lays the mat out. I put the basket down.

“Trust me?” I ask.

“You know I do,” replies Justin, looking vaguely puzzled. He’s wondering, I guess, where this is going.

I pull a strip of fabric out of the basket. It’s a blindfold.

“Can I put this on you?”

He chuckles. “Sure. I guess.”

I wrap the fabric around his eyes, kiss him, and move him away from the rug so I can finish fixing things.

I start pulling things out of the basket and arranging them. I place the candles in the sand in a circle around the rug and light them. I pull out the champagne flutes and the two bottles. And the little vase. And the tiny bunch of blue forget-me-nots, which I place in the vase. And I place all of these at one end of the mat. From the bag, I pull out a fluffy white quilt and lay it over the rest of the mat, along with a couple of small cushions.

“You’re up to something,” says Justin, shifting restlessly on his feet. “I can hear you.”

The last thing of all is a small box tied up with a ribbon that I place next to the vase.

I look around at what I’ve done. It’s simple, but it’s what I was aiming for. I hope he likes it though. I also hope he doesn’t think it’s a bit… yeah, now I don’t know, maybe it is cheesy, but I want him to feel special. Well, here goes.

“Ready?” I ask him.

“Yes!” he says eagerly. Too eagerly. I don’t want him disappointed.

“It’s not that exciting,” I warn him, trying to keep expectations low.

He sighs. “Whatever it is, it’s with you, so I like it already. C'mon, show me.”

I take a deep breath. Slip the blindfold off. Justin blinks as his eyes adjust.

“Oh,” he exhales as he sees the candles glowing in the sand around us. Then he looks down and sees the rest of it. His eyes widen. He steps in close to me, places his palm over my heart. His warm breath whispers over my lips, “You’re amazing.” Then his soft lips meld to mine.

After sharing a gentle kiss, I lead him to the quilt and we sit down near the collection of items. I pick up the two bottles, one in each hand.

“Your choice. Champagne or apple juice,” I show him the bottles, “but just to be clear, this time I have every intention of taking advantage of you.”

“It’s not really taking advantage if I give consent, is it?”

“Well, no, not if you’re sober when you consent.”

“I’m sober. I consent. Now let’s have champagne.”

“It’s not that simple. Can we modify that? I’ll take it you’re consenting to anything we’ve done before, but not anything else.”

“I trust you,” he says simply.

“Yes, but there are so many ways I could hurt you, push you further than you’d want to go in retrospect.”

“You wouldn’t though.”

“You’ve never told me ‘no’. There might be boundaries you don’t want to cross that you don’t know about yet. And if you’re not in a fit state to judge…”

Justin huffs softly. “Okay. I meant it though. I feel safe with you. But if it makes you happy, I consent to anything we’ve done so far. But please don’t let me go home without making me come at least one more time.”

I pull him to me, place a chaste kiss on those soft pouty lips, and murmur in his ear.

“Thank you. And there is no chance of that, don’t worry.”

We sip our drinks, sitting on the mat with the quilt pulled up over us for warmth. The nights are starting to get cool at this time of year. Justin leans against me, his warm body fitting snugly against my side. The tips of his ears are cold when he leans in, resting his head against my neck. We talk and we sip champagne, the night grows old around us, and the candles burn low. Tomorrow looms ahead of us, with the start of another separation, but we made it through the first one intact which means this one isn’t quite so intimidating.

So, we just enjoy the night and each other’s company.

When our glasses are empty, I remember the box. Picking it up, I hand it to Justin.

“This is for you, to remember me by.”

“Like I’d forget… ”

“It’s for you anyway.” I put the box in his hand. He looks at me through his long lashes, eyes soft and moist.

“I’m going to miss you,” he whispers, softly.

“Likewise.”

He rests his head on my shoulder for a moment, while the small moment of sadness passes between us. Then he heaves a sigh, sniffs, and begins to open the package.

The ribbon falls away and Justin takes the lid off the little box. Nestled inside is a fine leather strip with a silver charm. Justin takes it out carefully and lays it in his hand. It’s a neckchain, the silver charm is a…

“Scorpius,” he breathes. “To connect me to you.” And he looks up at me, eyes shining from the moisture welling up there. Tears start to roll silently down his cheeks.

“I love you,” I whisper, “And I don’t want to let you go.”

“Will you put it on?” Justin asks, holding up the neck chain, and I take it from him and tie the leather strap around his neck. The silver scorpion sits over his heart.

“Perfect.”

“Thank you.”

Then we snuggle under the quilt. The candles burn low, and then snuff out. And then, in the darkness, we do things to each other that only lovers do.

******

We must have fallen asleep in the end, because the next thing I know, my phone’s alarm is going off, and I open my eyes to see the paleness of the sky and a yellow glow on the horizon. I gently shake Justin awake.

“Mmm?” he mumbles sleepily. He looks gorgeous with his blond hair all sleep-mussed, and sleepy eyes.

“Wake up, beautiful.” I kiss him. “It’s morning. Let’s watch the sun rise before I take you home.”

We huddle together with our arms around each other as the golden disk slips over the horizon. A new day. I take Justin’s chin gently between my thumb and forefinger and kiss those soft sensual lips. It’s a promise. A sigh escapes him as we pull apart. I look deeply into those gorgeous grey eyes.

And then it’s time to go. Hurriedly we pack up and throw ourselves into the car. I have to get Justin home before his grandparents realize he didn’t come home last night.

As before when Justin has stayed out all night with me, I drop him at the top of the long driveway. Out of sight of the house, we say our goodbyes. Kisses, gentle at first, more desperate later, a lot of gazing longingly in each other’s eyes. Hugs that hold each other so close it’s like we’re trying to merge ourselves into one being.

Finally, time runs out.

“I’ll see you at the airport,” I promise.

And three hours later, I do. I meet up with Justin and his grandparents on the other side of security, much to the Beecham’s surprise. It’s a taste of agony, maintaining a platonic distance while our remaining minutes together run relentlessly through our fingers.

Under some pretext, Justin and I move away out of sight of the gate lounge for a few minutes. I wrap Justin in my arms and kiss him. He holds on like he’s never letting go. Until we have to. Until we hear the boarding call, wipe our moist eyes and compose ourselves, and walk back to where the other passengers are already lined up for boarding and Justin’s family is waiting to say goodbye.