Page 38

Retreat

AXEL

Emerging from a video I’d been watching on my phone, it occurs to me that Justin’s been gone for a long time. I’m worried about him, so I collect the dirty plates and mugs, using those as a reason to head towards the kitchen.

I pause just outside the kitchen when I hear a firm voice inside. Justin’s mother is speaking.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I realize now that was the wrong way to go about it. Can we please put that behind us. It was a mistake.”

She must be speaking to Justin, though I don’t hear his reply. They must have been talking about the conversion therapy. I probably should enter the room, and I probably shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I do anyway, wondering what she’s going to say next. She’s been coldly polite in front of me after the initial hostility, but I’m unsure if she was holding back until she could talk to Justin alone.

She continues speaking.

“But if you want to be a part of this family, you need to stop this. Break it off. Tell him to go home and start behaving the way you were brought up to behave. You do want to be a part of this family, don't you?”

I wait for him to protest or refuse her ultimatum, but he doesn’t.

After a few moments, he says, “Yes, yes. Of course I want to be a part of the family. That's why I've come back.”

I blink, in shock. I can't believe what I've just heard. The blood rushes from my head. A buzzing starts up in my ears, and I stumble away. They say eavesdroppers never heard good things about themselves, and in this case, I didn't hear anything good about us.

They're still talking in there, but I can't hear it over the buzzing in my head. I wonder if I'm going to pass out. I can't go in there now. I retreat to the lounge and stumble into a chair, beforehurriedly replacing the dirty plates on the coffee table. For a minute the world disappears in a sizzle of blackness and pinpoint stars. Then a hand shakes my shoulder.

"Axel," a worried voice breaks through my confusion. "Axel. Are you okay?"

The stars recede and I become aware of Justin kneeling on the carpet in front of me, brows scrunched in concern.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I shake my head trying to clear it. "Just felt a bit off for a minute, that's all."