Page 21

Where is he?

AXEL

Clearly my subconscious has been working overnight, because when I wake the next morning, a new idea is circulating in my head.

I won’t be able to concentrate on work until I action this, so I start up my laptop and look up Justin’s social media accounts. As before, they're inactive, but that's not what I'm here for. I'm trying to figure out who his friends are. When I do, I attempt to make contact with some of them, and ask about him. Then I sit back and wait for someone, anyone, to reply to me.

It takes a couple of hours, but eventually my phone pings. I almost drop it in my haste to pick it up. Yes! One of Justin’s friends has answered, but the answer is not what I’m expecting.

They haven’t heard anything from him since April either. But - and this is just a rumour - someone had mentioned that he went away with his parents.

This should be reassuring I guess, but...

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I can do.

I still don’t know if he’s dumped me. Maybe he has.

With no clues as to where he’s gone, and the knowledge that it can’t be that bad if it’s something with his parents, I have no choice but to keep waiting, and hoping, and to carry on with my life.

But months pass. I don't think any family holiday lasts this long and especially not in the final year of school. There is no doubt now. I'm being ghosted. No goodbye, no breakup text, nothing... just nothing. Maybe his friends are in on it too. I know this stuff happens, I do. But I didn't think Justin would do it. And I don't understand why he's gone to so much trouble to keep me out of his life.

I drag myself through the days. I work. I talk to clients. I go to bed early and lie awake most of the night. I'm functioning but little more than that.

Eventually, I reclaim my social life, partying too hard and drinking too much. Anyone watching me would think I was fine. It’s an illusion, but it’s a protective cloak I wrap around myself.

I don’t hook up with anyone though, it’s much too soon for that. It might always be too soon.