Page 26

Sydney

AXEL

“I think I’ll do some shopping today. Is there anything you want me to pick up for you?” I shout out to my mum, trying to act normal as I hurry to get myself ready to go out.

“No, thanks. All good,” comes the reply, so I head straight out.

I drive a good distance to get to a large shopping centre where I’m unlikely to encounter anyone who knows me, and where I can blend in with all the other shoppers. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I can’t help wondering what lengths Justin’s family will go to in order to locate him.

I buy two cheap pre-paid mobile phones. It worries me that I have to provide ID to buy them, but real burner phones aren’t available in Australia, at least not at short notice, so I have no choice. I just hope that using a different phone number will be enough.

I pick up a few other things. Clothes in smaller sizes than my own, a sleeping bag, toiletries, and some snacks.

I’m driving back when Shannon calls me.

“Hey, Axel, good news. Max’s…”

“Stop! Don’t say anything,” I almost shout. “Just give me a minute. I’m driving. I’ll call you back.”

Shannon hangs up. After I’ve pulled over and killed the engine, I call him back – on one of my new phones.

“Hey,” I say, when he answers. “Sorry about that. This is my new number. Don’t want to use the other one in case, I don’t know, they track it or something.”

“Do you think they would?”

“I honestly don’t know. But the police are involved, and I think his family have money, so… maybe? His family are serious enough about this that they sent him interstate to get round the illegality of what they’re doing, so who knows.”

“Better safe than sorry, right?”

“Yeah, and the thing is, he’s already a mess. They’ve screwed with his brain big time. I can’t let them get to him again.”

“I know. That shit can really mess people up. Fuckwits. There’s a reason it’s illegal.”

“Anyway, so this is my new number, but keep it on the DL.”

“Of course.”

“Okay, what’ve you got for me?”

“Max’s grandma lives in Melbourne. When Max explained the situation to her, she said he was welcome to stay with her as long as he needs.”

“I thought Max’s family had disowned him?”

“His parents have, yeah, but his grandma’s chill. She’s been his safe haven a few times. That’s where he went when I…” Shannon’s voice trails away. He doesn’t like thinking about the time he broke Max’s heart, and he still beats himself up about it. “God, I was such a dick.”

In the background, I hear a voice say gently, “Move on, babe. I have.” I think I hear the sound of kissing.

“Anyway,” Shannon resumes a moment or two later, after I've had to listen to some disgusting slurpy sounds, “he can stay with her. And she understands the situation and that he needs to stay under the radar.”

Relief sweeps over me and I let out the mother of all sighs.

“Oh, thank god.”

“No, thank Max. Or thank his grandma when he gets there,” Shannon chuckles, then grows serious. “Good luck, man. I hope your guy makes it out of this okay. I’ll text you the details, okay? And let me know if there’s anything else we can do. We’re both pretty steamed up over this.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.”

Shannon ends the call, and as promised, texts through a name and address. As I head back to the peninsula, I consider the logistics of getting Justin there safely. He can’t get on a plane or any form of public transportation because of the risk of being recognized, since he’s now a missing person. That leaves only one option that I can think of. Someone has to drive him. And because I don’t trust anyone to protect him more than I will, that someone will have to be me.

Closer to home, but not at the shopping village where they know me, I pull into a parking space next to an Italian restaurant and pick up the two large pizzas I called ahead for.

It’s early afternoon and Justin must be hungry and wondering where I am. A sudden thought sends chills down my back.

What if he’s not there when I get back? What if the shame and the guilt and all the twisted emotions they’ve heaped on him came back while I was gone and he decided I wouldn’t want him, couldn’t want him?

Fuck. I have to get to him. Panic starts to overtake me, and I break out in a cold sweat. I’ve been away from him too long already. My hands are shaking as I navigate the bends and pull up in the little carpark behind the Sandy Point beach, at a safe distance from the boatsheds.

I grab the pizzas and a couple of my shopping bags and hurry along the road and down the back entrance to the sheds. I can hear voices in the distance, but I can’t see anyone, and I conclude there must be people further down the beach. It’s all clear around the boatsheds, though, and I don’t hesitate as I take the last few steps to the old shed.

I put the pizzas and bags down with trembling hands, and after looking around to make sure there’s no-one to see me, prise open the loose boards and frantically look inside. My eyes take their time adjusting to the gloom after the bright sunlight. At first, I can’t see anything. It’s all quiet in the shed, and for an awful moment I think he’s gone.

Then I see him, a pale shadow slumped against the wall, in virtually the same place I left him. He seems to be sleeping.

The tension drains out of me in relief and maybe I sigh, because I catch a glint of white as he opens his eyes.

“Justin?” I whisper.

“Axel?”

The relief in his voice matches my own, and he scrambles to his feet as I climb into the shed as quickly as I can, bringing the pizzas and bags.

I rush to him and embrace him fiercely. He hugs me back and we stay like that for a long time. I can feel his heart pounding against my chest, and the faint tremble that shakes his body mirrors the shaking of my own.

“Fuck,” I whisper into his neck. “I was afraid you wouldn’t wait for me, that you’d be gone when I came back.”

Justin lets out a choked sound and holds me tighter. Then after a minute, he releases his grip, and pulling away a little, gifts me one of those sweet smiles I remember so well.

“No. I knew you’d come back,” he says, “you left something valuable behind.” He fingers the neck chain I’d placed around his neck that morning.

It’s not really funny, but I smile anyway. He’s trying. A little bit of the Justin I know is coming back. He just needs time, and love, and a whole lot of therapy.

“That’s not the only thing I left behind,” I chide him, playfully, “and you know it.”

Suddenly, he wrinkles his nose.

“Is that pizza ?” he sounds excited.

“Yep. Thought you might be hungry by now.”

“I am now. Pizza. My favorite!”

“I thought I was your favorite.”

“Mmm, yeah, you are. After pizza.”

We share a smile, then make a picnic of it, sitting on the towel in the musty shed, the pizza boxes open in front of us.Justin moans as he chews the first mouthful of pizza, and I wonder how long it is since he ate properly. We sneak slices from each other’s pizza, and feed each other, and for a while we manage to block the rest of the world out.

It can’t last though. There are things we have to take care of.

“Is this one of Giovanni’s?”

“No. I didn’t want to stop somewhere people recognize me.”

After we’ve eaten as much as we’re going to for now – given how thin he is, Justin hasn’t been eating much for a long time and his stomach must have shrunk – and we’ve polished off a couple of bottles of water, Justin leans against me with a sigh, and briefly closes his eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“Anything for you,” I pull him tighter against my side and kiss his head. “Thank you for coming to me.”

“Always,” he says to me, opening his eyes and looking at me with such faith and love that it rocks me to my core.

This time I kiss his beautiful lips. They move softly against mine and part for me, as my tongue slides in and caresses his. His tears wet my cheeks, but he doesn’t withdraw or retreat, instead kisses me back fervently, as though he’s starving for affection or reassurance.

I run my hands up his back, but the fabric is between me and him. I want to be closer, need to be closer. My fingers find the hem of the t-shirt, and I pull back from the kiss briefly.

“Is this okay?” and I tug a little at the hem. He gets my meaning.

“Yes,” but he turns slightly troubled eyes to me.

“I don’t think so.” I drop my hand, but he grabs it and places it back on the bottom of his shirt.

“Yes. Please Axel, help me get past this,” he entreats, eyes pleading.

I cup his face with my other hand and whisper, “I’m afraid of making things worse.”

He shakes his head. “You won’t do that. I’m safe with you. I can’t say it will be easy, but… just let me be me.”

I understand then. He needs me to treat him as if he’s not broken – because that’s what they’ve told him he is.

He doesn’t need me to fix him – he’ll get a professional to help him sort out the stuff in his head.

He just needs me to love him - to show him that he is lovable despite what they’ve told him – and to be his safe place when he falls apart.

I can do that.

I run my hand up under his t-shirt, over the soft skin that trembles at my touch, and I hold him close and with my kiss and my touch, try and show him all the things that are in my heart.