Page 62

NOW

August 2023

Lily

Phibsborough, Dublin

Zach listened intently as Sally spoke about her incredible reunion with her son and their escape from the Carousel , his eyes never leaving his mother’s face.

The air was heavy and silent, with long-held secrets finally being revealed – their vice-like grip loosening at last for the first time in more than forty years.

Lily stood silently, her eyes darting around the room as she tried to make sense of it all. Her mother’s face was impassive, and her father still seemed completely bewildered. He looked over to Lily, his eyes begging her to help him understand.

But Lily was as lost as her father. How do you come to terms with a lifetime of lies and deceit? How could any of them move forward when everything you thought to be true turned out to be untrue, leaving destruction in its path?

‘We always thought it was impossible for someone to abduct a crying child without notice,’ Lily said.

‘You’re right, Lily. It would have been impossible without your mother’s help. Now you know how.’ Sally turned to Zach, and said softly, her brow furrowed, ‘You’re quiet. I know this is a lot to process. And you’ve every right to be angry and upset.’

Zach finally broke his silence, his voice barely above a whisper as he said to Sally, ‘All I want to say is thank you.’

‘For what?’ Sally replied, her eyes wide in surprise.

‘For fulfilling that promise you made when you took me back. That you would spend your life showing me how much you loved me.’ His voice trembled as he told her, ‘Well, you did that. I’ve lived a life of love – from you and Dad. And the girls.’

A strangled sob escaped Sally, and she held a hand to her chest as she struggled to contain her emotions.

‘I am in awe of your bravery and strength,’ Zach added, his voice stronger now. ‘What you endured . . . it was monstrous.’ He threw a look of disgust in Kimberly’s direction.

Tears glistened in Sally’s eyes. ‘I would do anything for my children. And now you know why Sister Ailsa and Nicola were like family to me.’

‘I wish I’d known. All those times they visited us at Lake Champlain, but I never understood how deep your connection to them was.’

‘They loved you,’ Sally said. ‘I wish they were still alive, because they would both get peace, knowing that the truth was finally free.’

‘Does Dad know about all this?’ Zach asked, his brow furrowing.

Sally nodded. ‘We have no secrets. Before I accepted Dom’s proposal, I told him everything. We had a small wedding in the chapel in the Benedictine convent in Ronda, then we left for America shortly afterwards.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me about this before, Mom?’ Zach asked, his voice low.

Sally shrugged. ‘We thought it was better you didn’t know. That it would be easier for you. Boy, did we get that wrong! I can see that now. Secrets always find a way to reveal themselves.’

Sally then turned to Lily, Jason and Gaga. ‘I can’t imagine what you are all thinking right now. And I truly am sorry for my part in the pain that you have all endured.’ She took a deep breath, then said softly, ‘I never wanted this to be a secret, Jason. I wanted you to know that Robert was safe, and loved by his own mother. I gave Elsie the option to let you say goodbye to Zach before I disappeared. But she was insistent that I leave in the dead of night, without your knowledge.’

This was too much for Lily. She slumped in the chair, feeling hot tears fall. The betrayals kept coming.

‘Despicable,’ Gaga cried out.

‘I couldn’t risk losing you, Jason, and I was terrified that you’d take Lily from me. Don’t you see? I loved you both so much, so I had to lie,’ her mum cried out, two dots of colour flooding her cheeks.

‘All you’ve ever done is lie to us,’ Lily said to her mother. ‘All this talk about love is a convenient excuse to hide behind. Love isn’t manipulative or cruel. Love doesn’t take, and twist and turn a truth to suit oneself!’

Her mother retreated to a corner of the living room, curling into an armchair with her legs tucked under her, and began to rock back and forth like a wounded animal.

Zach walked closer to Lily. ‘I never thought I’d bring this to you all. I just wanted to understand the truth. I’m so sorry, Lily.’

‘None of this is your fault, Zach,’ Lily said, then she touched his cheek briefly. ‘But it’s such a mess. I am ashamed that my mother did this to you and your mom.’

Zach shook his head emphatically. ‘Do you remember what you said to me in Ronda, when I worried about what would happen to my mom when the DNA results came back?’ he asked, moving closer to Lily. He repeated Lily’s words to her now: ‘You said that I couldn’t take responsibility for my mother’s actions. The same goes for you.’

Lily smiled back wistfully. ‘Even though you were never truly ours, I’m so glad we’ve found you again. My big bro.’

‘My little sis,’ Zach replied, clasping her hand for a moment.

Then Lily turned her focus to her father, who sat beside Michael and Ben on the sofa. Lily rejoined him and placed an arm round his shoulder. She felt his shoulders shake beneath her hand, and her heart constricted in love and pain for him.

‘It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?’ she asked gently.

‘She knew all along, Lily. Your mum let me spend forty years looking for Robert when she knew where he was. I can’t . . .’ His eyes drifted across the room to Kimberly, but he pulled back from her.

Zach walked over to her dad’s side and held out his hand. ‘Can I give you a hug? To thank you for caring enough to look for me all this time. I’ll never be able to express how much that means to me.’

Her father looked up at the little boy he’d once loved as his own, and stood now to face him. ‘I always believed that you were alive, so I had no choice but to keep looking for you.’ His lip quivered, and his shoulders sagged.

Zach placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘You can stop looking now, Jason.’

Lily felt her fractured heart begin to form together again at those words, and then the two men embraced.

‘What do we do now?’ her dad asked when they broke apart.

‘I don’t think that’s up to us,’ Lily said. She turned to Sally. ‘Do you want to press charges against my mother?’

Before Sally could answer, Jason finally allowed his anger to come through. ‘Kimberly or Elsie or whoever the hell she is, deserves to go to hell for what she put our family through. Call the Gardaí.’

Her mum jumped from her seat and rushed towards them, ‘You can’t do that to me. Not after all this time. It’s cruel.’

‘Cruel?’ Lily cried out. ‘What you did was not only cruel – it was evil! You can’t expect to get away with that scot-free!’

‘You don’t understand. None of you do. I had to take Zach. I had to!’ Kimberly’s eyes were frantic as she looked at each of them. ‘I had to save him!’ She walked over to Jason and pulled at his shirt, desperately pleading with him to forgive her.

Jason pushed her aside and said, ‘We are done. I don’t want to hear it any more.’

Then Kimberly turned to Lily, and begged, ‘Please, Lily. I shouldn’t have taken Zach, but you would have too if you had been me back then. I had no choice.’

Lily was sick of hearing the same excuse over and over and batted her mother away.

But it was Sally who came to her old friend’s rescue, moving closer as she watched her quizzically.

‘What aren’t you telling us, Elsie?’ she asked softly. ‘What have you been hiding all these years?’

‘He died. And I couldn’t save him,’ she answered on a sob.

‘Who died?’ Sally asked.

Everyone moved closer to Kimberly, forming a circle around her as she finally revealed, ‘My baby brother.’