Page 61

BEFORE

July 1983

Sally

Port of Barcelona, Spain

Sally carefully lifted Zach from his crude makeshift crib and cradled him tightly. In the back seat of Sister Ailsa’s car, she held him close, fastening the seatbelt securely round them both. In the rearview mirror, Sister Ailsa watched Sally.

‘You haven’t taken your eyes off him, not even once,’ she remarked, her voice soft with admiration.

Sally’s face was wet with tears as she looked down at her little boy. ‘I’m afraid if I do he’ll disappear again,’ she confessed. ‘I’m not sure I’ll believe he’s back with me, and that this is not a dream, for a long time, if ever.’

‘I told you to hold on to your faith, didn’t I? I knew he would find his way home to his mother. I prayed for this day,’ Sister Ailsa replied. She glanced upwards as if offering a silent prayer.

‘You were right, as you usually are,’ Sally whispered. ‘Where are we going?’

‘Let me navigate this bit, get us out of Barcelona, then I’ll fill you in.’

Sister Ailsa exited a roundabout heading towards the B20. A little traffic was beginning to enter the city as people woke up to start their days. Sally listened acutely for the sounds of sirens in the distance that might be coming for her. But so far all was quiet. It wasn’t until they’d left the city limits of Barcelona behind that Sally’s heart began to slow down.

‘What happens if the police stop us?’ she asked, her voice trembling with fear.

‘We tell them the truth – that you are Zach’s mother,’ Sister Ailsa said calmly. ‘I have Zach’s birth certificate for you, as you requested.’ She nodded towards her handbag on the passenger’s seat. ‘It was where you said it would be.’

Sally had left several bags of clothes, along with important documentation, with Nicola when she’d left for her three-month job on the cruise ship. She’d asked Sister Ailsa to pick up Zach’s birth certificate. Sally had her own passport with her, of course, but now, with Zach’s birth certificate with her, she could apply for a passport for him too. This gave them options on where they could go.

An image of her mother came to Sally. Lizzie with her striking red hair, talking about her unfulfilled dream to escape England for sunny Australia. Maybe Sally would go there, for her mother – far from Ian’s reach.

Sally knew that none of this would have been possible had it not been for Sister Ailsa. Taking several steadying breaths, Sally struggled to articulate her gratitude to her old guardian.

‘When I saw you standing there, waiting for me . . .’ Sally’s words ended on a strangled sob. ‘I’ll never be able to repay you.’

‘I’m glad you called me. Nicola helped me pull the plan together too. She paid for my flight and the car hire. She’s a kind woman and loves you. And promises to visit you as soon as you are settled.’

Nicola had in fact immediately offered to come to Spain herself, when Sally had called her asking for help. But Sally needed her to stay in London. If Sally’s manager called, to double check Sally had arrived home in London, Nicola would cover for her. Sally would hand her notice in, at the end of the week, stating that she had to take care of her grandmother.

Sister Ailsa turned the car radio on, turning the dial until she found a news channel.

‘Best listen in case there are any reports of an abduction.’

Abduction. Sally’s hand trembled as she stroked Zach’s head. Her poor baby boy had gone through that horror twice now. He stirred in his sleep, but instead of waking up he stretched his arms and snuggled closer to Sally. His vulnerability overwhelmed her, and the love she’d felt from the moment she’d discovered she was pregnant rushed at her again in one torrential force.

But then another image came to mind.

Another mother who had cradled Zach at the poolside yesterday, with such tenderness it had felt palpable.

‘Am I as bad as her?’ Sally whispered. ‘Snatching him from the only mother he remembers and loves?’

‘No! You have committed no crime, Sally. I will never understand how Elsie could have done that to you. She is lucky that she is not behind bars right now,’ Sister Ailsa declared.

‘Trust me, I wish she were,’ Sally said bitterly. ‘But she was right about one thing. Ian would find a way to take Zach from me if he knew I’d found him.’

‘I must admit that keeping the fact that we found Zach from his father cost me sleep last night.’

She reached forward to squeeze the nun’s shoulder. ‘I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I’m lucky it was Sunshine House my mother sent me to. I want you to know that.’

‘You were always special. I’ve always tried not to form attachments with my girls, but some, like you, become family,’ Sister Aisla said, catching Sally’s eye in the mirror. ‘And I saw firsthand what Ian did to you and what Elsie took from you. While I don’t agree with all the lies, I understand the need for them. I reckon the boss would understand too.’ She looked upwards again with a grin.

Sister Ailsa increased the volume as the five o’clock news began on the radio.

‘No mention of Zach,’ Sister Ailsa reported a couple of moments later.

‘You speak Spanish?’ Sally asked in surprise.

‘Yes, it’s a little rusty because I’ve not spoken it for a while, but enough to get us by.’

‘I think we have a little more time before the Murphys wake up. Elsie told me that it’s normally seven before the children stir. So hopefully they don’t know that Zach is gone yet.’

Sally’s stomach cramped and pinched as she tried to imagine the fallout when it was discovered that a child was missing from the ship. There would be a full-scale search. And the need to hide and stay out of sight, away from eagle-eyed citizens who might report that they’d spotted Sally, became overwhelming.

‘It feels too exposed here on the motorway,’ Sally fretted, her eyes wide with fear as she watched cars pass them by.

‘I agree. But I want to get as far away from Barcelona as possible before anyone starts looking. We’ll move to secondary roads by seven, where it will be harder for anyone to spot us. As for where we are going, we are en route to a Benedictine convent in Ronda. A village that sits high on a mountain, remote enough that I am confident you will be safe. I have friends there who will take care of us. It’s a long drive, but, God willing, we’ll get there by this afternoon.’

‘A convent,’ Sally repeated, surprised, but found she was not upset by the suggestion.

‘Yes, I hope this is the last place the police will go looking for a stolen child. There is a community of twenty nuns there. It was where I spent my early years as a noviciate. I lived in that convent for almost ten years after I took my vows, before I settled into my life at Sunshine House.’

‘Do the nuns there know what I’ve done?’ Sally asked, her voice rising an octave at the thought that she might arrive in Ronda to a trap, with the police waiting for them.

‘They know the truth, most of it at least. That you were in my care in Sunshine House and that now you and your baby son are hiding from an abusive husband. As far as they are concerned, you arrived here on the same flight as I did last night.’

How little Sally knew of the woman who had, without a moment’s hesitation, agreed to help her. Who was capable and brave beyond Sally’s wildest imagination. She needed some of Sister Ailsa’s courage, because a new fear had begun to snake its way into her mind.

‘What if Zach wakes up and doesn’t remember me?’

Sister Ailsa sighed. ‘It’s unlikely that he will, Sally. He was six months old the last time he saw you. So, he’ll need some time to adjust to your care. But he’s young, and he’s where he should be. As long as you love him and show him that, with your actions and your words, he will soon know only you as his mother. What do I always say?’

‘I need to have faith,’ Sally said, smiling as she stroked Zach’s cheek gently. His face was no longer flushed, now that he was out of the warm Spanish sun. And then he began to stir again, but this time he opened his eyes wide as he took in his surroundings. Sally whispered endearments to him, but he jerked in her lap, looking around him for clues as to where he was.

‘There, there, it’s okay, my darling,’ Sally said, feeling tears sting her eyes as he worried and fretted in her arms.

‘Mama,’ he cried out, wriggling fiercely as he tried to escape her.

‘Give him a bottle,’ Sister Ailsa suggested. ‘That will settle him.’

‘He’s scared of me,’ Sally said tremulously as tears threatened to fall.

‘Stop that now, girl,’ Sister Ailsa admonished. ‘You’re his mother, and it’s up to you to be strong for the wee bairn now. Give him his bottle. Show him he has nothing to fear from you, and he’ll respond to that kindness. It’s all I could ever do for the girls when they arrived to me over the years. You included.’

Sally sucked in deep breaths until she had control of her emotions again. Then, grabbing one of the prepared bottles Elsie had stashed in the canvas bag, she shook it and gently placed the teat in Zach’s mouth.

‘I’m your mama. I’ve always been your mama. Kimberly, well she was your other mother. Just for a little while. But you are back now with me, where you are meant to be. And I love you so very much.’

Zach watched her with those big blue eyes, and the comforting taste of his milk and her soft voice soothed his tears away.

Sally had ached for the chance to feed her child again, to feel the weight of him in her arms and hear the gentle sucking of the teat as he hungrily drank. The wonder and majesty of this simple moment took her breath away. Zach’s hands reached up to clasp the bottle.

Sally swore to herself that she would not stop showering him with love until he realised he had nothing to fear from her – that he was loved more than any other child could be.

Zach napped again in her arms, lulled by both the bottle and the gentle movement of the car. Despite herself, Sally dozed off too, waking a few hours later when she felt the car grind to a juddering halt.

‘That did you good. You were exhausted,’ Sister Ailsa said approvingly. They were parked in a supermarket car lot, underneath the shade of a tall oak tree. ‘We need to stretch our legs. And we need to eat. It’s past nine now. How about I go into the shop to buy us some breakfast? Because I suspect the wee fella might have a present for you.’

Sally wrinkled her nose as a smell drifted towards her. Laughing at her joke, Sister Ailsa left Sally to change Zach’s nappy. He kicked his legs with delight, feeling the air on them.

Sally thought that by now the Murphy family would be awake and have discovered that Zach was gone. To her surprise, she felt only sadness at this. Any satisfaction she’d felt yesterday had now dissipated. It appeared that having her son back in her arms again had mellowed her anger.

While they awaited Sister Ailsa’s return, Sally took Zach for a walk to stretch his legs. His eyes lit up with delight when a small starling bird landed a few feet from them. He began to run towards it, laughing as it flew away.

‘You’re fast!’ Sally said, running after him. ‘You have to hold my hand. Okay?’

He looked up at her, and nodded his assent as he placed his little hand in Sally’s. ‘Let’s go find some pretty leaves,’ Sally suggested.

And together they happily began searching the ground underneath the tree for nature’s treasures. When Sister Ailsa returned, she confirmed that there had been no mention of Zach on the news yet either. After a hearty breakfast of freshly baked baguettes, cheese and Parma ham, followed by a gooey custard pastry, washed down with freshly squeezed orange juice, they all felt much better. Sally laughed joyfully, seeing her boy tuck into solids for the first time – for her, at least. Sister Ailsa had bought him many choices, but he clearly loved bananas and yoghurt more than anything else.

‘Can you be parted from him, for a little bit, to take a turn driving?’ Sister Ailsa asked, smiling indulgently, while she watched Sally make choo-choo train noises as she spoon-fed Zach.

Sally frowned. The thought of letting Zach go, even to the arms of Sister Ailsa, whom she trusted with both their lives, pained her.

‘I feel revived after our food,’ Sister Ailsa continued. ‘I’ll drive for another hour or two. But you’ll have to take a turn at some point. I’ll need to take a nap. I’m afraid I’ve not slept much since you called.’

‘I think Zach would like a cuddle from Sister Ailsa, wouldn’t you, darling?’ Sally asked him.

‘I’m Robert,’ he replied, his eyes wide with confusion.

Sally’s stomach flipped. She hated causing her little boy any further confusion. ‘Yes, Robert, but you have another name too . . . Zach!’

Sister Ailsa took the mashed fruit and said, ‘And I have another choo-choo train . . .’

‘Again, again!’ Zach squealed with laughter as he swallowed another spoon of banana.

In the end, they continued their journey, this time with Sally at the wheel. Sister Ailsa sang Scottish lullabies to Zach about a bonnie wee lassie, and his laugh made Sally’s heart sing.

‘He looks like my mother now,’ Sally said, her heart lurching as she watched them play together through the mirror. ‘When he was born, everyone said he was Ian’s doppelg?nger, but the past two years have changed him. He has the same lopsided grin my mother had.’

‘Isn’t that a wonder,’ Sister Ailsa said knowingly. ‘You’ve got your son back, and he’s brought a little bit of your mother too.’

At lunchtime, they stopped for another picnic at a small park with a playground. As Sally pushed Zach on a swing, she fought back another wash of tears. She’d daydreamed about this simple pleasure for so long. After he was born, as she’d walked through Pinner Village Gardens park, pushing Zach in his pram, she’d promised he would be big enough for the swings one day. And, finally, that moment had come.

‘We need to get going,’ Sister Ailsa said, joining them. So they continued their drive, this time with Sister Ailsa behind the wheel, expertly navigating them along the twisty road to Ronda. The road was winding with dangerous bends that made Sally’s stomach flip when she peeked over the high ridge.

They arrived at the Convento de Santa Benedictine a little after four o’clock in the afternoon, hot and tired from the long drive in the small car. Despite their weariness, Sally was grateful that the journey had passed without incident. The convent was an imposing three-storey building with a magnificent bell tower that caught the sunlight and shone like a beacon. It had rich creamy brickwork and elaborately carved granite arches above the windows and doors.

Sister Ailsa glanced at Sally and Zach and said, ‘Most nuns here don’t speak English, but a couple do. Follow my lead.’ She opened the back door, and Sally and Zach stepped out of the car. Zach was wide awake now, and looked around in fascination. Sally kissed his cheek tenderly and smiled at him. He didn’t flinch or move away. He regarded her with his big blue eyes, and she thought there was less fear in his face now. She continued murmuring soothing words of love to him as she gently bounced him in her arms.

As they approached the heavy wooden front door, Sally’s heart pounded with anticipation. She had no idea what to expect inside the convent walls. The door opened, revealing two women dressed in formal nuns’ black habits. They greeted Sally and Sister Ailsa with warm smiles.

‘Hola, Sister Monique. Hola, Sister Teresa,’ Sister Ailsa said, and they kissed each other on the cheek.

‘Hola, Sister Ailsa,’ they chorused. And then their faces lit up with delight as they saw Zach. They ushered Sally and her Zach inside the convent walls and closed the door behind them.

Sally had done the impossible.

Against all odds, she had not only managed to find her stolen child, but escape to safety too. Looking at her son’s beautiful face, she knew she would never let Zach go again.