Page 46

NOW

August 2023

Kimberly

Gardiner Street Apartments, Dublin

Kimberly’s apartment looked completely different from how it used to when she and Robert lived there in 1981. After her divorce from Jason, they sold their family home. Jason bought his fixer-upper in Phibsborough, and Kimberly decided to return to her first home in Dublin, the flat in Gardiner Street. Jason and she still owned the complex, and Kimberly had felt compelled to move back in. She’d gutted it, knocking walls down and making one large reception room with a stunning primary suite.

And now, for the first time in forty years, her family were reunited again in this apartment.

Kimberly surveyed the room, taking in Jason, Lily and Zach, who sat on her L-shaped cream sofa. Kimberly had insisted that it be only the four of them. Jason’s father, Kevin, was so objectionable, always finding fault with her. While she adored her little grandson, she didn’t want any distractions today, so Michael and Ben stayed home too. Just thinking about Ben made Kimberly smile. He was her happy place. When he was in her arms, every worry and stress melted away.

‘Your home is so elegant,’ Zach said.

Kimberly accepted the compliment with a gracious nod as she laid a tray of refreshments on the coffee table – a jug of elderflower tonic water and four crystal glasses, perfect for the warm day. Kimberly had finessed her unique and understated style decades before. She knew what she liked and had the budget to pander to her expensive taste. The room had a soothing palette of creams with gold accents. White oak floorboards ran through the entire space, giving it uniformity. She’d meticulously curated exquisite pieces of art and sculpture to which the eye was drawn but by which it was never distracted.

Her home had become her haven.

And, sometimes, she even managed to find some peace within these four walls.

‘I’m always half afraid to let Ben loose in here. His sticky fingers would have a field day,’ Lily joked with her dad and Zach, who laughed with her.

‘That’s what wipes are for,’ Kimberly said. ‘Ben can come here to stay any time, you know. I don’t mind a little mess.’

Lily smiled sceptically at her mother and Kimberly felt a flush creep into her cheeks. Had she been such a bad mother that her own daughter doubted her so? She made a mental note to arrange a sleepover here with Ben soon.

Kimberly took a deep breath and said to Zach, ‘I asked you to come here because this was our first home in Dublin when it was the two of us. And it was where I met and fell in love with you, Jason. And where we brought you home from the hospital, Lily.’

Jason smiled at Kimberly and said, ‘I can still remember the moment I saw you for the first time. You had Robert in your arms, and he was playing with your hair. I’d never seen a more beautiful woman in my life.’

Kimberly blushed at his compliment. Why was it that, after all this time and so much water under their bridges, Jason could still make her feel like a giddy sixteen-year-old?

‘I wish I could remember living here,’ Zach said.

‘You were too young. We moved into a house on Shandon Road a few months after Lily was born,’ Jason said. ‘But we sold that after the divorce . . .’

The room was quiet momentarily as tension began to creep into the air. Kimberly didn’t want that. She wanted today to be another happy memory to add to the ones formed forty years previously. She sat in her favourite mid-century armchair, with its solid ash frame and soft cream upholstery, and turned to address them.

‘I asked you all to come here today because while my flat is small, so much love and happy memories are infused into its walls. It’s why I choose to live here. It’s where I was happiest in my life. And I wanted the four of us to spend a little time together here before things get crazy tomorrow when the results are back.’

Kimberly sighed with pleasure when she saw that her words had readdressed the balance, and her family visibly relaxed as they sat back in their seats.

‘You see, I don’t need a DNA test to prove that Zach is Robert,’ Kimberly said, touching her chest. ‘I can feel it here.’

‘It’s the same for me too,’ Jason added, patting Zach’s knee beside him.

And, for a moment, the four Murphys, reunited again for the first time in forty years, sat in silence, shyly looking at each other, as they tried to adjust to this new normal. Kimberly looked at each of them in silent and grateful wonder. And she wished with all her heart that she could lock the front door, and keep them all here with her, safe from the outside world and its nasty truths.

‘You okay, Mum?’ Lily asked gently. She reached for a tissue from her handbag and passed it to her.

Kimberly smiled as she patted away her tears. ‘I’m being a silly old sentimental mother, aren’t I? Happy tears, I promise you.’

‘You’re allowed,’ Jason said. ‘If anyone is allowed to cry, it’s you, my love.’

A shiver ran down Kimberly’s back as she thought about her son’s other family. Menacing and dark, ready to pounce and threaten her family again. But they were in America, thousands of miles away. Robert . . . or Zach . . . was here with his family. Kimberly was determined to only focus on that.

‘I want us to have a happy time together. That’s the only rule for today. And, with that in mind, could you help me get something from my bedroom, Jason?’ Kimberly asked.

Together, they left and returned a few moments later with a large cardboard box.

Lily half smiled, half sobbed. ‘Robert’s gifts.’

‘This is only one of the boxes. There’re another two in the bedroom,’ Jason said with a grin.

‘I am so sure that you are Robert that I want you to open these, please,’ Kimberly said, pushing the box towards Zach. ‘There’s one for every birthday and Christmas since you disappeared.’

Zach looked over to Kimberly, his face softening with emotion. ‘I’m overwhelmed.’

‘These are the gifts bought over the past twenty years. We thought you’d prefer to start with them. I’m not sure you have much use for the toys we bought during your childhood,’ Kimberly said, blinking back tears. She’d yearned for this day for so long that she could scarcely believe it was finally here.

Zach opened the lid, reached into the box and pulled out a small package wrapped in bright green paper. He read the gift card aloud, ‘Happy fortieth birthday, Robert.’ He ripped open the box to reveal a set of AirPods. ‘Wow! Would you believe that I have misplaced my EarPods? I think I left them on the flight coming home from Ronda. These are great!’

Kimberly pointed to another package. ‘Will you open that one next?’

Zach ripped the bright paper off, and groaned when he saw what was inside. ‘My Peter Rabbit.’

‘I thought it was time it went back to its rightful owner,’ Kimberly whispered.

‘You kept it all this time,’ Zach said, shaking his head.

‘I knew you’d come back for it one day,’ Kimberly replied. Then, wiping tears from her eyes, she pointed to the box. ‘Go on. Keep opening!’

Twenty minutes later, there was a pile of wrapping paper on the floor beside an even more enormous pile of gifts – shirts, an Ireland rugby jersey, cufflinks, an Ed Sheeran CD , aftershave, and a framed family photograph taken at Ben’s christening, amongst the favourites for Zach.

Kimberly never took her eyes off Zach as he opened each gift. She revelled in his joy at each item.

‘I’d like to take you to your first Irish rugby match. You can wear that jersey,’ Jason said. ‘Ben and Michael can come too. It will be a boy’s day out!’

Zach stood up and pulled the jersey over his white tee shirt. It fitted perfectly as he declared, ‘I’m ready! Come on, Ireland!’

Kimberly caught Lily’s eye and saw her daughter fight back emotion. Lily had always been an open book, wearing her heart on her sleeve.

‘You okay?’ Kimberly asked quietly, reaching out to touch Lily’s arm.

Lily smiled through her tears. ‘It’s hearing Dad talking about doing something fun with his family, with his grandson . . . I didn’t think I’d ever hear that.’

And Kimberly felt a sharp pain between her temples as she reflected on that sad statement. Another of her damn migraines threatened to scupper the day. But she would not allow it. Kimberly excused herself and walked into the bathroom to grab some painkillers, swallowing them dry. She looked up into the large round mirror and took in her appearance.

Kimberly had spent as much effort and time cultivating her own look over the years as she had with her decor at home. She chose her make-up, jewellery and clothes carefully.

To her, elegance was simplicity and effectiveness.

But, to her surprise, her eyes blurred, and for a moment she disappeared. A young orphan girl, scared and alone, stared back at her.

A tap on the bathroom door brought her image back to sharp focus.

‘You’ve been in there a while. Do you need anything, Mum?’ Lily asked, her eyes round with concern when Kimberly opened the door.

‘No thank you, Lily. It’s all a little overwhelming, isn’t it? But know that I’m happy,’ Kimberly replied. Then, impulsively, she pulled her daughter into her arms and held her. She felt Lily stiffen at first, but Kimberly didn’t let go until she relaxed into her embrace.

Kimberly wasn’t so stupid that she hadn’t realised how difficult Lily had it at times. She’d spent her childhood in the middle of her parents, trying hard to broker peace or add joy when things got overwrought.

‘You are a good daughter, and I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through,’ Kimberly whispered. ‘All I wanted was to be a good mother to you, but I know I have let you down. When things were difficult for me, I let that pain get in the way of you and me.’

Lily pulled back and looked at her mother in surprise.

‘You had it worse than any of us, I think,’ Kimberly added. ‘And we often forget that. Can you forgive me?’

Lily nodded, her lips quivering as she desperately tried to fight back tears. ‘I love you, Mum.’

‘And I love you,’ Kimberly replied. ‘I hope you remember that, no matter what happens tomorrow. Everything I’ve done has been for our family.’

Lily nodded silently.

Kimberly watched her daughter trying to process her words. And Lily, with her kind-hearted nature, was already forgiving her mother for the many transgressions she’d endured.

‘I truly am sorry for all the mistakes I’ve made . . .’

‘We’ve all made mistakes, Mum,’ Lily said, interrupting her. ‘I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. We’ve been given a chance to start over, as a family, back together again. You said earlier that you wanted this to be a happy day. And it has been. One of my happiest, truly.’ Lily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, as she used to do as a child. Kimberly grabbed a tissue from the bathroom, and dabbed her daughter’s cheeks lightly.

‘How did I get to be so lucky to have you?’ Kimberly whispered. Then she kissed Lily’s cheek one more time, before saying jokily, ‘We’d better return to Jason and Robert before they plan a boy’s only trip to New Zealand to see the rugby without us!’

Kimberly knew she had to call him Zach out loud, but in the privacy of her own mind he would always be Robert to her. Holding Kimberly’s hand, Lily led her back to the living room.

Zach had now opened all his gifts, and he seemed reflective as he looked down at them, scattered at his feet on the floor. ‘I’ve never had so many gifts in my life. And Santa was always generous!’

‘Don’t expect this every year at Christmas, son,’ Jason replied with a wink.

They all laughed and Kimberly’s heart swelled as their family teased each other.

But then Zach’s face clouded and he turned to face Kimberly and Jason. ‘I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry that Robert was taken from you. I’m sorry that my mom hurt you like this,’ he blurted out.

The room quietened as his words bounced between them and their memories of a life lived with the ghost of a stolen child.

Silent Christmas mornings, escaping to a locked bathroom to cry, coming out with a bright smile as she and Jason tried to make the best of it for Lily. Until one of them would say Robert’s name out loud, and a fight would follow. Accusations slung about how they each dealt with Robert’s absence. Jason searching, always searching. Lily mediating. And Kimberly hiding her pain in her work. Until one Christmas Jason got up and left, slamming the front door so hard that it almost came off its hinges.

That was the end of the Murphy family.

Kimberly looked at her ex-husband and daughter and saw the pain she felt mirrored on each of their faces.

‘We missed you so much,’ Kimberly whispered. A tear trickled down her cheek, and she dabbed it away with the back of her hand. ‘But you are back now, and I do not want any sad thoughts today. This is a celebration! I have a beautiful meal prepared for us. I hope you are all hungry! And I’ve managed to get a bottle of Amelia Park 2015 Museum Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. It’s always been a favourite.’

‘You’re giving us the reserve wine?’ Jason asked.

‘You’ve cooked?’ Lily added incredulously, making Jason and her laugh.

‘Yes! I do cook occasionally,’ Kimberly replied, giggling, and admitted, ‘Oh, okay, I may have used a caterer.’

As everyone giggled together, Kimberly felt overwhelming joy and relief. Her headache had vanished.

‘Will I get the childhood toys?’ Jason asked, with a twinkle in his eyes.

Lily raised her hands in the air. ‘Before you do, I have a confession to make. When I was six, I sneaked into the attic of our old house and opened all of your childhood gifts.’

Zach laughed, playfully shoving Lily’s arm. ‘You little monkey! Well, did I get anything nice?’

‘Yeah, lots of decent stuff. I particularly liked the train set. Mum and Dad found me up there in a sea of wrapping paper. Dad thought it was funny, but Mum went berserk! She rewrapped it all up. But Dad insisted that I get to keep the train. He bought another one for you.’

‘I did not go berserk. You make me sound like a crazy woman,’ Kimberly rebutted.

‘Maybe a little berserk,’ Jason teased, and Kimberly couldn’t help but grin, conceding this.

As she hoped it would be, that day, having her family in their first home, back together again, was one of the happiest days of Kimberly’s life.

‘Memories banked forever,’ she whispered to herself in satisfaction. No matter what happened following the fallout of the DNA results tomorrow, she’d always have today.