Page 35

BEFORE

May 1979

Sally

Doddington Estate, Battersea Park Road, London

As Detective Sergeant Baldwin drove them home, Sally lay her head on Nicola’s shoulder, closing her eyes. She wasn’t asleep, but couldn’t muster any energy for small talk. When they arrived outside the Doddington flats, Baldwin opened the car door for them.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, his brown eyes warm, with concern etched on his face.

‘Not really,’ Sally answered truthfully. ‘But I will be.’

‘I need to ask you some further questions, but if you are not up to it now, we can wait until tomorrow.’

‘I think Sally has been through enough,’ Nicola said, her voice firm.

While Sally appreciated her friend’s intervention, she could think of nothing worse than continuing this conversation again the following day.

‘It’s okay. I’d prefer to get this over and done with. My flat is this way.’

Detective Sergeant Baldwin followed Sally and Nicola up the cement walkway towards the stairwell.

‘The lifts are broken. Sorry,’ Sally said as she began to climb upwards.

‘They’re always bloody broken,’ Nicola grumbled. ‘You go on ahead. I’m going to get Elsie.’

When they entered Sally’s flat, Detective Sergeant Baldwin’s eyes ran over the sitting-room area. Sally supposed it must look small and tatty to him, but she had made the best of the space. She’d replaced the net curtains with vibrant red-and-cream geometric-patterned curtains two years ago, and placed a large shag-pile rug on top of the carpet. Framed posters filled the walls. Two wicker chairs bought in the Camden market, with bright red cushions, sat opposite the sofa. It wasn’t much, but it was home.

Sally sat in one of the wicker chairs and motioned for the detective sergeant to sit down too.

‘Ask me whatever you need to.’

But, before he could, Elsie ran into the flat, out of breath, with a red-faced Nicola on her tail. Sally stood up and moved into her friend’s embrace.

‘I can’t believe this has happened, Elsie.’

Elsie stroked the back of Sally’s head as she whispered how sorry she was.

‘I’ll make us all some tea,’ Nicola said, moving into the kitchenette.

Detective Sergeant Baldwin cleared his throat, and Sally pulled away from Elsie and retook her seat. She heard the hum of the kettle in the kitchen, along with muffled whispers from her two friends.

‘I know this has been a shock for you. I’m sorry,’ Baldwin said.

‘It’s fine. Ask me whatever it is you need to know.’

He pulled out his notebook and flipped through the pages. ‘Do you know what your mother did for a living?’

Sally nodded. ‘Yes. She was a waitress.’

The detective sergeant raised his eyebrows at this. ‘Where did she work?’

‘It changed a lot. She always got restless. At least that’s what she told me. But when I spoke to her last Christmas she said she was working in a new Indian restaurant near the Finchley Road.’

Baldwin scribbled that down in his notebook. ‘Do you know the name of it?’

Sally shook her head.

‘Are you aware that your mother was arrested several times?’

Sally sat forward as if an electric shock had pierced her. This was news to her. She shook her head, afraid to ask what crime her mother had committed. Shoplifting maybe? Sally could imagine her pocketing lipstick from Woolworths and walking out the door. But nothing prepared her for the next revelation out of the detective sergeant’s mouth.

‘For soliciting.’

Sally fell back into the chair. Her cheeks flamed red as she repeated his words to herself. They didn’t make sense to her.

‘There’s . . . there’s been some mistake,’ she eventually stammered.

Sally looked over to Elsie and Nicola, who were hovering close by. Elsie’s face went so pale that Sally thought she might faint. Nicola quickly placed a cup of tea in Sally’s hands.

‘Here, love. Drink this. I’ve put sugar in for the shock.’

She then placed a cup in front of Baldwin. ‘Are you sure you have the right Lizzie Fox?’

‘There’s no mistake,’ he replied firmly. ‘I arrested her once myself. She was memorable, what with her flame-red hair.’

Sally took a sip of the hot, sweet tea. It was welcome and needed. And, as much as she wanted to pretend this wasn’t happening, Sally knew she had to face this news. Taking a steadying breath, she asked, ‘When was Mum arrested?’

Baldwin opened his notebook again and flipped through a couple of pages. ‘The first time was in December 1963.’

Sally’s mind reeled as she took in the timing. ‘My mother gave me up to the orphanage in September 1963. Which was three months before she was arrested.’

Had she been prostituting before she handed Sally over to the home? Or had that happened afterwards?

She heard Elsie suck in her breath and Nicola mutter another of her ‘Oh my days’.

‘She was arrested a further two times, in 1968 and in 1971. But she’s been cautioned half a dozen times too. She was well known to the local bobby. Lizzie worked the corner of Finsbury Park, a popular spot for the women.’

‘I d-didn’t know,’ Sally stammered. Her cup shook in her hand as she tried to lift it to her mouth. She placed it back down on the coffee table, then ran to the bathroom, feeling her stomach heave and turn as she tried to digest the police officer’s words. She retched, but nothing came up. Her eyes stung as she splashed cold water on her face.

There was a light tap on the door, then Elsie poked her head in.

‘Come here,’ Elsie said, again taking her into her arms.

‘I can’t believe it,’ Sally cried as she lay her head on her friend’s shoulder.

‘Me either. It’s a shocker. But how could you know this, in fairness? Will I tell the Old Bill to do one?’

Sally nodded, grateful for the suggestion. She’d had enough questions. She stayed in the bathroom until she heard the bang of the front door closing. A few minutes later, she returned to the sitting room, joining Nicola and Elsie.

‘I made fresh tea,’ Nicola said. ‘But we might need something stronger.’

Sally had never been more grateful for these women; her sisterhood was always here to support her.

‘Sit down here,’ Elsie said, patting the seat beside her while Nicola searched the kitchen cabinet until she found a small bottle of gin. She poured three shots of it into tumblers, then added a splash of lemonade from the fridge. The women sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their drinks. Sally could feel their eyes upon her, each trying to work out what to say. There was nothing to be said.

‘I never knew,’ Sally said again.

‘How could you?’ Nicola asked, shaking her head. ‘The poor woman. What a life.’

Sally couldn’t bear to think about what her mother may have suffered over the years. What decisions she’d made in her life that had brought her to this final crossroads. It made her head pound and her stomach flip and turn. Then a rush of fatigue passed over her. She stifled a yawn as her eyes stung and prickled.

‘You look done in,’ Nicola said. ‘It’s the shock of it all. No wonder. You should get to bed. Get a good night’s sleep.’

‘How can a day go from being the best one of your life to the worst?’ Sally asked. ‘One minute we’re hanging my hairdressing diploma up on the wall, celebrating your job offer and the next . . .’

‘Life isn’t fair, that’s for sure,’ Elsie said. Then she looked at Sally in surprise and asked, ‘What job offer?’

Nicola quickly explained their plans for the future. ‘We’ll celebrate another night.’

Sally smiled weakly.

Nicola downed the last drink and stood up, giving Sally one last embrace. ‘I’m going to go, let you get to bed. Sleep is the ticket. I’ll call over tomorrow to see how you are. You’ll get through this, love, and we’ll be right here beside you to help.’

‘I’ll make you a hot-water bottle before I go,’ Elsie said, moving into the kitchen to fill a kettle. ‘And I’ll call Mary to see if she can do your shifts next week. I know she needs the extra few bob; I think she’ll be glad. One less thing for you to worry about.’

‘Do you think she’ll want to go back full time?’ Sally asked. ‘I need to give my notice to the gaffer.’

‘I’ll talk to the gaffer tomorrow night before our shift starts. Let him know about your mother. With a bit of luck, you might not even have to worry about working your notice.’

Sally felt her stomach flip. ‘Please don’t tell anyone about what my mo—’

Elsie shook her head quickly. ‘That’s your mother’s business. I won’t be saying it to anyone.’ Then she stepped in closer and lowered her voice to say, ‘When your back’s to the wall, you don’t have a choice.’

Sally looked up at her in surprise.

‘Get into bed. I’ll be in shortly with your bottle,’ Elsie said, gently pushing her towards the bedroom.

Sally peeled off her clothes and slipped into her pyjamas. While her body ached with tiredness, she wasn’t sure she could sleep – not without having nightmares, that is. Elsie joined her and slipped a bottle under the bedclothes. Then, taking a look at Sally’s pale face, she motioned her to move over and lay on the bed beside her – like they used to do back in the orphanage.

Sally was surprised when she felt Elsie’s body shaking beside her. She hadn’t expected her to be as upset about her mother.

‘Are you okay?’ Sally asked gently.

‘I’m going to tell you something I swore I’d never tell a soul,’ Elsie whispered. ‘And you can’t ask me about it again. Promise me.’

Sally promised, turning her body, so that she faced her friend.

‘Before I started work with Cyril, I’d been out of work for a few months. And, as I told you, I ran out of money pretty fast.’ She sighed, deep and long, and her eyes darkened as she spoke. ‘It got to the point that I’d not eaten properly in a week. Anything I could sell was gone. I was desperate.’

Elsie’s breath quickened and she closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I knew that I had to do something drastic, or I’d starve.’ Elsie breathed in. ‘I’d seen the women on Wandsworth Common. Standing in a row, waiting for a car to pull over.’

Sally’s heart began to hammer so loudly that she was sure Elise could hear it. She saw Elsie’s jaw clench as she spoke. And Sally could tell how much Elsie’s story was costing her to recount. Sally reached over to clasp Elsie’s hand under the bedclothes as she spoke, trying to show her that she was on her side.

But Elsie was lost in her memory and didn’t seem to notice.

‘I wore my best dress and walked to the end of the common, standing a few feet from a pretty woman with long blonde hair and pink lips. She smiled at me when I joined her. I was trembling so much I thought my legs were going to give way under me. And she must have understood that it was my first time, that I didn’t know what I was doing, because when a car pulled up in front of me she walked over and spoke on my behalf, telling the punter it was five pounds a trick, and he had to bring me back to this spot when he was done.’ Tears poured down Elsie’s face. ‘You don’t need to hear any more. But you need to know that when a person decides to do that, it’s not a life choice made on a whim.’

‘I’m so sorry, Elsie,’ Sally said, squeezing her friend’s hand. All those times she’d been sure Elsie was hiding something, Sally had never suspected anything like this. And then another thought struck Sally, that if Elsie hadn’t found her at the rubbish bins that day, she herself might have followed in her mother’s footsteps.

‘I think you are so brave. And strong. And wonderful,’ Sally said, desperately trying to find the right words to help take some of Elsie’s pain away.

‘I wanted you to know so you don’t think badly of your mother. To help explain that just because you do a bad thing, it doesn’t make you bad.’

‘I don’t think you’re bad, Elsie,’ Sally said. ‘And, if anything, hearing this about my mother helps me understand her more. I’m glad you’ve told me. And I’m here to listen to you, any time you want to talk about it.’

Elsie’s face darkened. ‘I will never discuss it again. I can’t, Sally. It’s too difficult. The only way I can live with . . . certain parts of my life is to pretend that they’ve never happened. Promise me you will never ask me about this again.’

‘I promise,’ Sally whispered as the hairs rose on the back of her neck. What other parts of Elsie’s life were hidden? Did she know her best friend at all?

Elsie climbed out of the bed, then kissed Sally’s forehead lightly, before tucking the bedclothes in tight around her. ‘I know this must feel overwhelming. You’ve had to deal with a lot of shocks today. But you are the strongest person I know. You’ll be okay.’

Sally’s head pounded as a tension headache took firm hold. Elsie was right – she would find her way through this. What else could she do but continue to move forward, as she’d done her entire life?

But as Sally heard the front door close softly behind Elsie, her only thought was for her best friend.

What about you, Elsie? Will you be okay?