Page 5

NOW

July 2023

Lily

Phibsborough, Dublin

Lily quickly ran down the hallway in their Edwardian house, picking up strewn toys and a laundry basket that belonged upstairs. She couldn’t deny that working from home had its benefits. For one thing, the commute was peachy. But its charms always faded on Monday mornings as she tried to hide family life from the communal area through which her clients passed.

However, as she tidied up, it gave Lily time to further process her father’s interview on Ireland AM Friday morning. The anniversary of Robert’s disappearance was always a problematic milestone for the Murphy family, but seeing their story on a forty-two-inch TV screen while eating breakfast was both surreal and heartbreaking. Lily had asked her mother if she wanted to join them to watch the interview. But she’d declined, saying she had no intention of tuning in and would be in the office by that time.

The presenters, Muireann and Tommy, had treated her dad with gentle respect as they asked him to relive the horror of Robert’s disappearance. Her dad had shaved at least, and looked smart, wearing a navy suit and an open-necked white shirt. He spoke eloquently and passionately about the importance of continuing to shine a light on stolen children, no matter how many years had passed. At the end of the interview, a short slideshow of family snaps, interspersed by various age-progression shots of Robert, was shown on screen.

‘A copy of Jason’s flyer is available to download from our website. Please share it, and who knows, maybe someone will recognise Robert.’ Tommy had said to the camera.

And then Muireann finished the interview by sadly adding, ‘What would life be like for the Murphy family if Robert had not gone missing forty years ago today?’

And that was the million-dollar question that Lily had asked herself for years. Would her parents have stayed together? Or were they doomed to fall apart at some point over the years, their differences waiting to be picked apart by life’s stresses? Would Lily and Robert have grown up to be close, each other’s ally and best friend? Robert now a doting uncle to little Ben?

Tomorrow was Ben’s third birthday, a milestone that they had not got to share with Robert. How would things play out tomorrow, when her parents came to help blow his birthday candles out? Would they be happy to be in their grandson’s company or allow the shadow of Robert to dampen their happiness? In fairness, Lily’s mother did spend a lot of time with Ben. He was the only person that could divert her attention from her phone and work.

The doorbell rang, pushing a blessed pause on the questions that raced through her mind. Lily looked at her watch, seeing that her first appointment was eight minutes early. She threw the laundry basket and toys inside the living room. Then, with a quick smoothing of her hair, she opened the front door.

‘Hello. Lily Coogan? I’m Zach Brady. I called on Friday. I’m a little early for our nine-thirty appointment. Should I wait outside?’ Zach said in a rush from underneath a large black umbrella, dripping with rainwater.

‘Not at all. You are welcome, Zach.’ Lily shook his hand after she’d ushered him inside.

As they walked into the consultation room, Lily ran through the notes she’d taken on Friday afternoon when Zach had made the appointment. He’d told her he had recently relocated to Ireland from New York. And that he had sleep issues. His accent wasn’t entirely American, though. Or, at least, she felt it had shades of somewhere European mixed in there too.

She glanced at him, quietly assessing him from veiled eyes. Her initial thought was that everything about this man was on trend. He had light-brown hair, cut short on the back and sides but wavy and longer on top. And a tight beard and moustache framed his broad chin and strong jaw. His features were angled. She couldn’t determine his eye colour because they were behind matt black round glasses. He had perfectly straight white teeth, the kind that always made her want to keep her own mouth closed, and make an appointment with the dental hygienist. Zach wore faded straight-leg jeans with navy runners and a white T-shirt peeped out from under a light-blue sweater. She’d hazard a guess it was cashmere. Her eyes finally rested on his hands, which were manicured. This man had money, and every inch of him announced that fact.

‘This is nice,’ Zach said, admiring the room with its high ceilings, white decorative coving and a picture rail that framed green embossed wallpaper, which reflected onto a polished wooden floor. ‘What a cool place to work and live.’

Lily glanced at him quickly. How did he know she lived here too? It was a lucky guess, she surmised.

‘One of the great things about these old houses is the two reception rooms. It meant we could turn one into my office and still have lots of space for the family.’ Lily sighed in satisfaction as her eyes swept around it. ‘This is one of my favourite rooms. I love the original windows.’

They both looked over to the large bay window, painted white, which flooded the room with light, even on grey and wet days like today.

‘It’s got a lot more charm than the apartment on the docks I’m renting, that’s for sure. Where should I sit?’ Zach asked.

Lily’s desk and chair were at one end, and a few feet away were two large armchairs. She pointed towards them, and they both made themselves comfortable. She noted that while his voice was assured, there were tells that he was nervous. His eyes darted around the room. But this was all normal for a new client. It could be intimidating walking into therapy.

‘Thank you for seeing me so quickly,’ Zach said.

Lily shrugged. ‘Well, you were lucky, as it happened. I am fully booked for three months in advance, but a client finished up with me last week so his spot became free.’

‘That was lucky,’ Zach said. Then he added, in a whisper, ‘As if it is meant to be . . .’ He watched her intently, his gaze steady.

‘As this is our first session, I’ll take some notes, okay?’ Lily said, thinking that this guy was intense.

Zach nodded his consent to the note-taking, and Lily smiled warmly at him as she asked, ‘How are you settling into Dublin?’

‘I love it here. I like the vibe at the Docklands. I can see why so many visit and never leave.’

‘Ireland of the thousand welcomes. We’re a friendly bunch, for sure. And your job, is that a new position for you?’

‘No. It’s the same job, but in a different location. I’m a risk advisor for a multinational company, Ace Funds. They have divisions all over the world. When the offer to work here for twelve months came up, I decided, why not?’ He shrugged and smiled warmly at her.

He was charming, and easy company to be around, Lily thought. ‘Where were you based before here?’

‘London. Before that, New York, the Netherlands, Spain . . . I suppose I’m what you might call a bit of a nomad.’

Lily scribbled notes as Zach spoke. ‘That’s impressive! Do you speak many languages?’ she asked, her curiosity piqued.

‘Five.’ He shrugged as if it were no big deal.

‘Wow. I never managed to conquer Irish at school, never mind French. Languages were not my thing.’

Zach looked at the four framed certificates on the wall behind her desk. ‘I think you did okay without them.’ He nodded in their direction.

She acknowledged this with another smile.

‘Tell me a little about yourself. Where did you grow up?’ Lily asked, so she could continue to build a picture of his life before they got to the real issue.

‘I grew up in Westport, which is a suburb about forty minutes outside of New York. We lived close to Lake Champlain. I practically grew up on the water. Our family likes to boat.’

‘Can you tell me a little about your life there? Describe your family for me if you feel comfortable doing that.’

‘Sure. My mom is from London, but she married a New Yorker when I was five. My stepdad is born and bred in Westport. They had three girls, so I have three younger sisters.’ His face relaxed, and he smiled as he spoke. ‘Jenny, Ally and Issy. We’re close.’

‘And do they all still live in Westport?’

‘Jenny and Ally are married and settled there, with their own families now. Issy is currently in London. She’s a chef. Single like me. But I think she might be seeing someone new. She’s gone quiet.’

Lily could tell that his family meant a great deal to him.

‘And are your mom and stepdad both alive?’

‘Yep. Thankfully, both are in great health. Mom retired last year. She sold her hairdressing salon, which was the best place in town for a blowout,’ Zach boasted with a smile.

His face changed when he spoke about his mom; there was warmth in every recollection. They were especially close.

‘My dad is a third-generation plumber. And he refuses to retire. My mom says he’ll die with a wrench in his hand, head under a U-bend.’

Again, the same warmth for his stepdad. Who he called Dad, Lily noted. She leaned forward and asked gently, ‘And your biological father, is he in the picture?’

A shadow passed over Zach’s face. His shoulders tensed, and it was obvious that this subject was difficult for him.

‘I’ve never met him. Or, at least, not that I can remember. My mother left my biological father when I was a baby.’

‘Have you ever been curious to meet him?’ Lily asked, watching Zach closely as his jaw tightened.

‘He put my mother through hell before she found the courage to leave him. So no. I never wanted to meet him.’ His voice caught as he continued. ‘Dom, my stepdad, is the only father I’ve known or want to know. He is the best of men, and if I can live a life as good as his I’ll be doing well.’

Lily poured a glass of water for each of them, then passed the drink to Zach. This gave him a beat before they moved on, allowing Lily to scribble more detailed notes. She drew a circle round the word ‘Father’.

‘Do you have siblings?’ Zach asked, surprising Lily. Occasionally, clients wanted to know more about her life, but in the main she made it a point to keep her private life private.

‘We’re here to discuss you, Zach,’ Lily said gently, then quickly diverted back to him. ‘You said when you made the appointment that you wanted to discuss your difficulty sleeping. Please tell me more about this. When did the issue begin?’

‘I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have problems sleeping.’ Zach began picking at a thread on his blue shirt. ‘I had bad dreams on and off until I was in my twenties.’ He paused, swallowed, then said, ‘I used to have an imaginary friend when I was a kid.’

Lily noted that he’d found this admission more difficult than the bad dreams. ‘Can you remember from what age both things began?’

‘I’ve been seeing therapists since I was four years old, so I guess at least since then.’

‘How did you find therapy? Did it help?’

‘Yes. Or at least it didn’t not help. But since I arrived in Dublin I’ve not been sleeping well again. I don’t know.’ His eyes darted around the room, glancing at Lily for a second, then moving on again. ‘Maybe it’s the stress of a new job. The move. But something feels off,’ Zach said, blinking rapidly.

Lily noticed a hint of unease in Zach’s demeanour, suggesting he might be withholding something. But there was plenty of time to unpack whatever that was, remove his mask. For now she wanted to reassure him.

‘We’ll figure all this out. Together. What age are you, Zach?’

‘Forty-two.’

‘Entering our forties can be a significant milestone for some people. Before we dive deeper into what is stressing you out right now, can we talk a little more about your imaginary friend? Which I hope you know is normal and healthy for many children. Especially if they don’t have siblings or friends to play with. Would you feel comfortable sharing a little more about this friend with me? Was he – or she – the same age as you?’

Zach locked eyes with Lily as he spoke. ‘Oh, my imaginary friend wasn’t a child. It was a woman.’ Zach paused. ‘I called her my other mother.’